November 25, 1963. JFK funeral. Fake black-and-white newsreel footage of Jackie leading John-John and Caroline behind their father's casket. Shit. SHIT. I'm tearing up! Goddammit, I'm worse than Pavlov's dogs. The fake footage is actually pretty good here. Cut to the "real" scene. The Piano and Flute Duo of National Tragedy play. Joe "Vegetable Medley" Kennedy watches from his room.
Oh gross. Re-enactment of John-John saluting his father's casket. Really, has lightning already struck the NBC executives who thought this miniseries was a good idea yet? This is almost as bad as the Joan and Melissa Rivers miniseries where they played themselves. (Don't think I don't mourn the fact that MBTV wasn't even a twinkle in anyone's eye when that was on. What a recapping goldmine that would've been -- the plastic surgery jokes alone would've taken up more bandwidth than your average porn download.)
Joe Kennedy cries. Ooh. Now I feel bad about that vegetable joke. I hope it's still funny when I'm in hell. Lots of cuts between fake black-and-white newsreel footage and the "real" scenes of JFK's funeral, from the flag-folding to the twenty-one-gun salute. Shit, there's a lot of pomp and circumstance. Thank God the Wailing Whitney Ovary isn't here. It's just unbelievably saccharine strings as Jackie accepts the folded flag and lights the eternal flame. Jeez, you know, whatever sins the Kennedys may have committed, I think they have been punished enough already. More fake footage. Bobby watches, heartbroken. Jackie looks like a zombie. Jackie asks, "Why did I survive? Why Jack instead of me?" Oh my God. Well, maybe because they were aiming at JFK since he was the PRESIDENT. One of the screenwriters really thought Jackie O. was one conceited piece of work, let me tell you. Bobby still stands, staring at the eternal flame. Where the hell are the Secret Service? Like they'd let them stand around unguarded. Jackie leads Bobby away.
Hyannis Port. Grace is being said. Bobby and Ethel aren't there. Rose bemoans that fact. Joan mutters, "What do they have to be thankful for?" Ted says that Bobby isn't coping very well. Rose says that's even more reason they should be there. Jackie arrives unexpectedly. The Variety Pak of nameless Kennedys asks what they should say to her. Ted asserts staunchly that Jackie is family, and "thank God she's here." Wow, more non-moronic Ted words. Amazing.
Jackie's dressed in black, clutching the folded flag. She walks up the stairs. Ted approaches. They hug. Jackie says she wanted to see Grandpa. Everyone gathers around her. Jackie bursts out that she hasn't seen Joan at all, and that she wants to tell her all about it, and that it was awful, just awful. Joan tells her that it's over and she must forget about it. Who knew that Irish-Catholic repression was as contagious as the common cold? Next thing you know Joan will be oh, say HIDING HER DRINKING and GOING QUIETLY INSANE. Oops. I think I just gave away salient plot points.