MONDO EXTRAS

Court of No Appeal

by Shack May 25, 2002
L.A. Law: The Movie

Overhead shots of L.A. highways. Arnie tools along (pun intended) in his silver convertible. He still has the L.A. Law license plate. He parks in front of some house. And of course, he's got a bouquet of flowers. And of course, he just goes right on into the house without knocking. And of course, he heads up to the bedroom without announcing his presence. And of course, he opens the door to the bedroom to find his soon-to-be-ex-wife in bed with another man. ["Then Arnie runs back to his hometown and buys a bowling alley. Right?" -- Wing Chun] We've already been flung headlong into the throes of utter predictability, and we will never be coming up for air. The soon-to-be-ex is angry for the interruption and points out that Arnie's supposed to call before coming over. Arnie faints. Whatever.

More buildings, then a cut to another office, where candles have been lit all over the place, and somebody is reciting dippy, New Age, chakra nonsense. It's Yosh from ER, and he's leading Stuart "Venus" Markowitz and Ann "Butterfly" Kelsey in some sort of prayer for enlightenment; Yosh is some sort of semi-famous guru here. They're interrupted by Roxanne "Kick Me" Melman, who comes in to let them know that their son's school is on hold for them. Stuart takes the call. After a brief conversation, Stuart hangs up and explains to Ann that their tuition check bounced. Yosh tries to suggest they finish their daily chakras, and is it worth even pretending that I don't know where this plot is going already? It's so obvious. Fine. Anyway, Stuart begs off so that he can fix the problem.

Out in the lobby, a young woman steps off the elevator and heads purposefully toward the receptionist. I'll call her Miss Rude for reasons that will quickly become apparent. She tells the receptionist that she's there to see Michael Kuzak. The receptionist doesn't have a clue who Miss Rude is talking about. Miss Rude says that Michael's a lawyer there, but the receptionist says he's not. Just then, Benny "Corky" Stulwicz wanders up to the desk with coffee and a couple of boxes of product-placed Krispy Kreme donuts. Miss Rude turns to Benny and asks him about Michael, because obviously the receptionist is just screwing with her head. Receptionists like to do that sort of thing. Benny explains that Michael doesn't work there anymore. The receptionist offers to take Miss Rude's number and call her if they can track Michael down, but Miss Rude whines that she's been calling for a week without luck. That's because he doesn't work there anymore, you idiot. Rude and stupid. She complains that she needs a lawyer, then stomps off into the offices.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20Next

Comments

Court of No Appeal

by Shack May 25, 2002
L.A. Law: The Movie Overhead shots of L.A. highways. Arnie tools along (pun intended) in his silver convertible. He still has the L.A. Law license plate. He parks in front of some house. And of course, he's got a bouquet of flowers. And of course, he just goes right on into the house without knocking. And of course, he heads up to the bedroom without announcing his presence. And of course, he opens the door to the bedroom to find his soon-to-be-ex-wife in bed with another man. ["Then Arnie runs back to his hometown and buys a bowling alley. Right?" -- Wing Chun] We've already been flung headlong into the throes of utter predictability, and we will never be coming up for air. The soon-to-be-ex is angry for the interruption and points out that Arnie's supposed to call before coming over. Arnie faints. Whatever. More buildings, then a cut to another office, where candles have been lit all over the place, and somebody is reciting dippy, New Age, chakra nonsense. It's Yosh from ER, and he's leading Stuart "Venus" Markowitz and Ann "Butterfly" Kelsey in some sort of prayer for enlightenment; Yosh is some sort of semi-famous guru here. They're interrupted by Roxanne "Kick Me" Melman, who comes in to let them know that their son's school is on hold for them. Stuart takes the call. After a brief conversation, Stuart hangs up and explains to Ann that their tuition check bounced. Yosh tries to suggest they finish their daily chakras, and is it worth even pretending that I don't know where this plot is going already? It's so obvious. Fine. Anyway, Stuart begs off so that he can fix the problem. Out in the lobby, a young woman steps off the elevator and heads purposefully toward the receptionist. I'll call her Miss Rude for reasons that will quickly become apparent. She tells the receptionist that she's there to see Michael Kuzak. The receptionist doesn't have a clue who Miss Rude is talking about. Miss Rude says that Michael's a lawyer there, but the receptionist says he's not. Just then, Benny "Corky" Stulwicz wanders up to the desk with coffee and a couple of boxes of product-placed Krispy Kreme donuts. Miss Rude turns to Benny and asks him about Michael, because obviously the receptionist is just screwing with her head. Receptionists like to do that sort of thing. Benny explains that Michael doesn't work there anymore. The receptionist offers to take Miss Rude's number and call her if they can track Michael down, but Miss Rude whines that she's been calling for a week without luck. That's because he doesn't work there anymore, you idiot. Rude and stupid. She complains that she needs a lawyer, then stomps off into the offices.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20Next

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP