MONDO EXTRAS

Court of No Appeal

by Shack May 25, 2002
L.A. Law: The Movie

In Arnie's office, Arnie is demanding that Jason amend the divorce settlement to give soon-to-be-ex-wife absolutely nothing. Jason points out that Arnie's not going to be able to walk away with everything. Arnie agrees, but wants to make her fight for every piece. See this is supposed to be ironic because Arnie's a divorce lawyer. But the irony about Arnie has always been that a tool and a player like himself was a divorce lawyer in the first place. So instead, this is all terribly predictable.

Ann is meeting with the owner of the restaurant, some sleazeball named Max. Jill Eikenberry is either on sedatives, on antidepressants, or recently had a Botox treatment. Sometimes she can barely open her mouth all the way to get the lines out. I caught the end of the cast appearance on a special edition of The Weakest Link, and it's possible that she's under the influence of all three. As they're discussing the suit, Pointless Bunny knocks on the door to interrupt and see if they need help. Ann introduces her as Chloe. Max leers at her and stares at her ass when Ann sends her to find some file. He actually says, "Some tuchis," to Ann. Ick.

We cut to nighttime at some sushi restaurant. Michael "David Caruso" Kuzak wanders around in a leather jacket, eating sushi and drinking wine. Hee hee hee.

Sidebar for my Harry Hamlin story. I spent a summer in college interning at a small magazine in D.C. as part of a group program. Some of us in the group became friends and spent our afternoons and evenings together. One weekend, we went to the local CVS pharmacy to pick up a prescription for a friend who had gotten sick. While we were waiting, a whisper started traveling around the store that Harry Hamlin (who was spending the summer in D.C. performing "Shakespeare in the Park") was there, shopping. I wandered around the store, and when I finally saw him, he was checking out. His purchase: several Fleet Enemas. Hee hee hee. Okay, I feel so childish about it. But wait, there's even more: This was all before his play actually opened. Critics gave the play blah reviews, and described Harry's performance as "stiff" and "wooden" and...well, you know. Hee hee hee. Cough. Anyway, the experience gave us all an endless source of childish amusement throughout the summer, especially when we walked by a bookstore that had stuck a bunch of educational children's books in the window, including the seminal Everybody Poops.

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Court of No Appeal

by Shack May 25, 2002
L.A. Law: The Movie In Arnie's office, Arnie is demanding that Jason amend the divorce settlement to give soon-to-be-ex-wife absolutely nothing. Jason points out that Arnie's not going to be able to walk away with everything. Arnie agrees, but wants to make her fight for every piece. See this is supposed to be ironic because Arnie's a divorce lawyer. But the irony about Arnie has always been that a tool and a player like himself was a divorce lawyer in the first place. So instead, this is all terribly predictable. Ann is meeting with the owner of the restaurant, some sleazeball named Max. Jill Eikenberry is either on sedatives, on antidepressants, or recently had a Botox treatment. Sometimes she can barely open her mouth all the way to get the lines out. I caught the end of the cast appearance on a special edition of The Weakest Link, and it's possible that she's under the influence of all three. As they're discussing the suit, Pointless Bunny knocks on the door to interrupt and see if they need help. Ann introduces her as Chloe. Max leers at her and stares at her ass when Ann sends her to find some file. He actually says, "Some tuchis," to Ann. Ick. We cut to nighttime at some sushi restaurant. Michael "David Caruso" Kuzak wanders around in a leather jacket, eating sushi and drinking wine. Hee hee hee. Sidebar for my Harry Hamlin story. I spent a summer in college interning at a small magazine in D.C. as part of a group program. Some of us in the group became friends and spent our afternoons and evenings together. One weekend, we went to the local CVS pharmacy to pick up a prescription for a friend who had gotten sick. While we were waiting, a whisper started traveling around the store that Harry Hamlin (who was spending the summer in D.C. performing "Shakespeare in the Park") was there, shopping. I wandered around the store, and when I finally saw him, he was checking out. His purchase: several Fleet Enemas. Hee hee hee. Okay, I feel so childish about it. But wait, there's even more: This was all before his play actually opened. Critics gave the play blah reviews, and described Harry's performance as "stiff" and "wooden" and...well, you know. Hee hee hee. Cough. Anyway, the experience gave us all an endless source of childish amusement throughout the summer, especially when we walked by a bookstore that had stuck a bunch of educational children's books in the window, including the seminal Everybody Poops.

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