MONDO EXTRAS

I just wanted to point out that this episode originally aired almost exactly thirty years ago. Goddamn, I am old.

So the episode opens, as Little House episodes normally do, with a long shot of the Ingalls shanty, Jack sitting out front. Just sitting there. Staring into space. What kind of Quaaludes do they put into the dog's Alpo? But then a wagon approaches and Jack's trainer gives him the signal and he races out to greet the wagon but (one hopes) not be stampeded by the horses or crushed under a wagon wheel or something. It's the entire Ingalls family, returning from town. The girls run inside. Ma grabs a crate, and Pa offers to carry it, but Ma says, "If anyone breaks my new lamp chimney, it better be me!" What in the hell is a lamp chimney? I don't know. Sometimes I think the writers on this show just made up words that sounded old-timey. As Ma is getting out of the wagon, she scratches her calf on a piece of wire, and is all upset that she ruined her best pair of stockings. Pa takes a look, and I know they're married and all, but that seems a bit risqué. I mean, Caroline's whole lower leg is just hanging out! Anyway, she has a tiny scratch on her calf, but the music goes all minor key, so you know it's more than that, or will be. Charles tells her to put something on it, like, did they have Neosporin back then? Or would she have to mix up a tincture of, like, horsehair and chicken droppings mixed with coffee grounds? Pa blames himself for Ma's injury, because he shouldn't have left the wire sticking out, and as Ma goes inside, they show Pa twisting the wire back so that it won't poke anyone else. He twists it for about twenty minutes. I love recapping old shows, because they just have long, long shots of nothing happening. Unlike reality shows, which just have long, long shots of nothing happening. So I guess not that much has changed.

Ma goes inside, where she finds Carrie sitting on the floor next to a spilled jar or something or other. Jam? Jelly? Anyway, Ma is all pissed off and Carrie (who I have long theorized is a little touched in the head but they didn't have Early Intervention back then) says that Jack made her spill it. I couldn't figure out what that was all about, besides a delightful little vignette about wacky kids and dogs, but now I realize that it was supposed to show why Caroline didn't clean out her cut right away. So it's all Carrie's fault! As is pretty much everything else on the show.

Outside, Reverend Alden rolls up, literally, in his wagon. Caroline comes out to greet him, and her hair, which was seconds ago all falling out of its bun, is now miraculously back in place. I always thought Reverend Alden had the hots for Caroline. You should see the looks he's giving her. Anyway, he explains that they need to raise money for one of the nearby churches, in Stoddard, and he was hoping Caroline would volunteer to do some baking for a bazaar. He compliments Caroline's pies and says that Mr. Olsen donated some flour and sugar. Caroline hems and haws and tries to find a way to say no. Charles walks up and explains that they will be visiting the new church in Stoddard, because they have plans to go to some pig farm to get some ham and bacon, and plan to have a picnic on the way home. Reverend Alden realizes that this is why Caroline didn't agree to make the pies right away, because God knows otherwise she does whatever Reverend Alden tells her to. Caroline explains the situation to Charles, and they go back and forth about how she has time to make the pies now, but that they need to be fresh, but that the kids will be disappointed, but that they'll understand. Finally, Caroline seizes on an idea: Charles and the girls will go on the trip to the pig farm (yippee!), and she'll stay behind and make pies. Reverend Alden says that he and Mrs. Foster were planning to go to Stoddard on Sunday anyway, so Caroline can ride with them and join her family for their picnic. Caroline is WAY TOO EXCITED about this idea, like, I think the infection has already taken hold of her brain. Charles invites the Reverend in for dinner, and he agrees. That reminds me of my priest growing up, who always used to end mass with an announcement that he loved ice cream and practically begged someone to invite him over for dessert some night. I don't know if he was lonely or just had a sweet tooth.

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I just wanted to point out that this episode originally aired almost exactly thirty years ago. Goddamn, I am old.

So the episode opens, as Little House episodes normally do, with a long shot of the Ingalls shanty, Jack sitting out front. Just sitting there. Staring into space. What kind of Quaaludes do they put into the dog's Alpo? But then a wagon approaches and Jack's trainer gives him the signal and he races out to greet the wagon but (one hopes) not be stampeded by the horses or crushed under a wagon wheel or something. It's the entire Ingalls family, returning from town. The girls run inside. Ma grabs a crate, and Pa offers to carry it, but Ma says, "If anyone breaks my new lamp chimney, it better be me!" What in the hell is a lamp chimney? I don't know. Sometimes I think the writers on this show just made up words that sounded old-timey. As Ma is getting out of the wagon, she scratches her calf on a piece of wire, and is all upset that she ruined her best pair of stockings. Pa takes a look, and I know they're married and all, but that seems a bit risqué. I mean, Caroline's whole lower leg is just hanging out! Anyway, she has a tiny scratch on her calf, but the music goes all minor key, so you know it's more than that, or will be. Charles tells her to put something on it, like, did they have Neosporin back then? Or would she have to mix up a tincture of, like, horsehair and chicken droppings mixed with coffee grounds? Pa blames himself for Ma's injury, because he shouldn't have left the wire sticking out, and as Ma goes inside, they show Pa twisting the wire back so that it won't poke anyone else. He twists it for about twenty minutes. I love recapping old shows, because they just have long, long shots of nothing happening. Unlike reality shows, which just have long, long shots of nothing happening. So I guess not that much has changed.

Ma goes inside, where she finds Carrie sitting on the floor next to a spilled jar or something or other. Jam? Jelly? Anyway, Ma is all pissed off and Carrie (who I have long theorized is a little touched in the head but they didn't have Early Intervention back then) says that Jack made her spill it. I couldn't figure out what that was all about, besides a delightful little vignette about wacky kids and dogs, but now I realize that it was supposed to show why Caroline didn't clean out her cut right away. So it's all Carrie's fault! As is pretty much everything else on the show.

Outside, Reverend Alden rolls up, literally, in his wagon. Caroline comes out to greet him, and her hair, which was seconds ago all falling out of its bun, is now miraculously back in place. I always thought Reverend Alden had the hots for Caroline. You should see the looks he's giving her. Anyway, he explains that they need to raise money for one of the nearby churches, in Stoddard, and he was hoping Caroline would volunteer to do some baking for a bazaar. He compliments Caroline's pies and says that Mr. Olsen donated some flour and sugar. Caroline hems and haws and tries to find a way to say no. Charles walks up and explains that they will be visiting the new church in Stoddard, because they have plans to go to some pig farm to get some ham and bacon, and plan to have a picnic on the way home. Reverend Alden realizes that this is why Caroline didn't agree to make the pies right away, because God knows otherwise she does whatever Reverend Alden tells her to. Caroline explains the situation to Charles, and they go back and forth about how she has time to make the pies now, but that they need to be fresh, but that the kids will be disappointed, but that they'll understand. Finally, Caroline seizes on an idea: Charles and the girls will go on the trip to the pig farm (yippee!), and she'll stay behind and make pies. Reverend Alden says that he and Mrs. Foster were planning to go to Stoddard on Sunday anyway, so Caroline can ride with them and join her family for their picnic. Caroline is WAY TOO EXCITED about this idea, like, I think the infection has already taken hold of her brain. Charles invites the Reverend in for dinner, and he agrees. That reminds me of my priest growing up, who always used to end mass with an announcement that he loved ice cream and practically begged someone to invite him over for dessert some night. I don't know if he was lonely or just had a sweet tooth.

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