MONDO EXTRAS

Little House On The Prairie: Whisper Country

Miss Peel raises her arm and yells, "Go 'way! Get out!" Mary shouts back that Miss Peel should read the ninth commandment, which Miss Peel probably broke when she started telling people Mary put spells on people to make them die of swollen eyeballs. Miss Peel starts to finger her Bible, and Mary screeches, "READ IT!" Miss Peel fidgets, and Mary learns today's lesson. "You. Can't. Read," she says. Miss Peel turns around, fairly awesomely, and points her big finger at Mary just as hard as she can. "The devil... is not welcome here!" she yells. Mary just stands there. Mary strolls to the back of the church and points out to the assembled group that Miss Peel doesn't want others to learn to read, because she can't read herself. "She hates books, and she hates schools," Mary overenunciates. "She wanted the school closed. That's why she broke the ninth commandment!" All of a sudden, it's also kind of like an episode of Murder, She Wrote, where Mary solved the mystery in the closing minutes. Miss Peel protests that she's "a God-fearing Christian woman," and that she broke no commandment. Mary points out to her that the ninth commandment says not to bear false witness against your neighbor. Also known as, "Don't lie about people." "I did not!" Miss Peel says. "You did!" Mary yells back. "You told every parent of every child in school I was -- " Mary cannot bear herself to say it. But she finally makes herself say the word "Jezebel," as we all must. "You are!" Miss Peel yells, not yet ready to surrender and receive her hugging. And it's a good thing, because if she had given in at that point, we wouldn't have gotten to hear Miss Peel say this of Mary: "A sinful stench in the nostrils of the righteous!"

Again: they're still serious. Mary is a sinful stench in the nostrils of the righteous. Is the theory.

And Mary has one thing to say to this: "Soap and water," she says insistently. "If I brought any odor into this house, that's what it is. Plain soap and water." In other words: "You're insulting me only because you can't smell yourself." Which is a pretty useful comeback, actually. And now, Miss Peel is almost out of maneuvers, so she can only thrust her Bible up toward the sky dramatically, while the music on the soundtrack, out of nowhere, suddenly shouts ominously. Joshua looks a little scared -- but not too much, since Miss Peel's game is just about up here -- and Miss Peel's hands quiver as she tries to get something to happen. I think she may be trying to burn down the church, which is a bit alarming. It's a little like Jim Halpert moving the coat rack with his mind. Only it doesn't work. Mary wants to know if Miss Peel is trying to scare her. Miss Peel just Bible-thrusts. "Are you going to call down the lightning?" Mary wonders. Caleb looks really scared, and has his eyes scrunched shut, because he still thinks Miss Peel has a direct line to God. "DO IT, MISS PEEL, DO IT!" Mary nearly shrieks. Of course, there is no lightning. Embarrassingly, nothing happens, and Caleb eventually opens his eyes, and Miss Peel can only bring her Bible back down and admit defeat. Mary rubs it in that nothing happened. "What's the matter, Miss Peel?" Miss Peel now tries logic: "I saw you enticin'!" she says. "Teachin' the ways of the devil!" "You saw me teaching one of my students manners," Mary corrects. And then Mary demands that Joshua tell everyone what really happened. Joshua finally removes his head from his ass and owns up to the fact that Mary didn't do anything -- he came on to her on his own. It's too bad -- Joshua was probably the best prospect Mary had up until this point, what with John Junior being clearly gay. (As the posters in the show thread have pointed out, there is much hilarious subtext, in retrospect, in the episode where John knows Mr. Edwards doesn't like him because he doesn't like "hunting" but prefers "reading.")

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Little House On The Prairie: Whisper Country

Miss Peel raises her arm and yells, "Go 'way! Get out!" Mary shouts back that Miss Peel should read the ninth commandment, which Miss Peel probably broke when she started telling people Mary put spells on people to make them die of swollen eyeballs. Miss Peel starts to finger her Bible, and Mary screeches, "READ IT!" Miss Peel fidgets, and Mary learns today's lesson. "You. Can't. Read," she says. Miss Peel turns around, fairly awesomely, and points her big finger at Mary just as hard as she can. "The devil... is not welcome here!" she yells. Mary just stands there. Mary strolls to the back of the church and points out to the assembled group that Miss Peel doesn't want others to learn to read, because she can't read herself. "She hates books, and she hates schools," Mary overenunciates. "She wanted the school closed. That's why she broke the ninth commandment!" All of a sudden, it's also kind of like an episode of Murder, She Wrote, where Mary solved the mystery in the closing minutes. Miss Peel protests that she's "a God-fearing Christian woman," and that she broke no commandment. Mary points out to her that the ninth commandment says not to bear false witness against your neighbor. Also known as, "Don't lie about people." "I did not!" Miss Peel says. "You did!" Mary yells back. "You told every parent of every child in school I was -- " Mary cannot bear herself to say it. But she finally makes herself say the word "Jezebel," as we all must. "You are!" Miss Peel yells, not yet ready to surrender and receive her hugging. And it's a good thing, because if she had given in at that point, we wouldn't have gotten to hear Miss Peel say this of Mary: "A sinful stench in the nostrils of the righteous!"

Again: they're still serious. Mary is a sinful stench in the nostrils of the righteous. Is the theory.

And Mary has one thing to say to this: "Soap and water," she says insistently. "If I brought any odor into this house, that's what it is. Plain soap and water." In other words: "You're insulting me only because you can't smell yourself." Which is a pretty useful comeback, actually. And now, Miss Peel is almost out of maneuvers, so she can only thrust her Bible up toward the sky dramatically, while the music on the soundtrack, out of nowhere, suddenly shouts ominously. Joshua looks a little scared -- but not too much, since Miss Peel's game is just about up here -- and Miss Peel's hands quiver as she tries to get something to happen. I think she may be trying to burn down the church, which is a bit alarming. It's a little like Jim Halpert moving the coat rack with his mind. Only it doesn't work. Mary wants to know if Miss Peel is trying to scare her. Miss Peel just Bible-thrusts. "Are you going to call down the lightning?" Mary wonders. Caleb looks really scared, and has his eyes scrunched shut, because he still thinks Miss Peel has a direct line to God. "DO IT, MISS PEEL, DO IT!" Mary nearly shrieks. Of course, there is no lightning. Embarrassingly, nothing happens, and Caleb eventually opens his eyes, and Miss Peel can only bring her Bible back down and admit defeat. Mary rubs it in that nothing happened. "What's the matter, Miss Peel?" Miss Peel now tries logic: "I saw you enticin'!" she says. "Teachin' the ways of the devil!" "You saw me teaching one of my students manners," Mary corrects. And then Mary demands that Joshua tell everyone what really happened. Joshua finally removes his head from his ass and owns up to the fact that Mary didn't do anything -- he came on to her on his own. It's too bad -- Joshua was probably the best prospect Mary had up until this point, what with John Junior being clearly gay. (As the posters in the show thread have pointed out, there is much hilarious subtext, in retrospect, in the episode where John knows Mr. Edwards doesn't like him because he doesn't like "hunting" but prefers "reading.")

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