MONDO EXTRAS

Spring Break Bug Attack

by LTG May 4, 2005
Locusts

The credits feature nothing but close-ups of locusts. I'm going to close my eyes now. You tell me when the credits are over. And don't try to trick me.

What? It's safe now? Okay. We see the outside of a row house in what the neon green type tells us is Georgetown. It's a reasonable enough facsimile of Georgetown, I guess. We hear a phone ringing. Inside the house, Xena walks out of a bathroom wearing a little negligee thing over her bra and panties. But the bra is not made out of leather and metal, so it clearly belongs to someone else. A male voice calls out to her from the bathroom, asking her where she's going. I think she's answering the phone there, Jones. Xena picks up her cell phone and answers it, "Dr. Riordan." It's her assistant, Vivien -- she has a question about the Virginia Institute of Agriculture. Apparently, the GAO is concerned about some USDA studies that are going on there. The horrible, horrible exposition begins when Xena asks, "Vivien, are you logged on to the USDA website?" I'm sorry, but if Xena works for the USDA and Vivien works for the USDA, why would she word it that way? Xena asks Viv to look up what's being researched at that lab, and Viv tells her that it's classified. When Xena learns that the researcher is someone named Peter Axelrod, she asks Viv to meet her in front of the lab in fifteen minutes.

As Xena starts to get dressed, a moist guy in a towel emerges from the bathroom. And I don't say moist just because he just got out of the shower -- this guy is just generally moist, with all the bad things that word conveys. I'm also told by the people on the forums that he played Pacey's gay brother, but that means nothing to me. And I have to say, I don't think I want him on our team. Xena apologizes for having to take off, but she tells him that she has to check this out before her flight to California that evening. He's all petulant about not being able to spend time with her, and she's completely oblivious to how upset he is. He tells her that he really wants to talk before she heads off to California. She calls him "Dan," and tells him that they both knew how busy she would be when she became the Undersecretary of Agriculture. Again, why wouldn't she just say "Undersecretary"? Is she worried that he'll get confused about what department she works in? But he's pissed off, because he turned down a chance to head the "U.N. Famine Relief Service," because they had agreed to try to settle down and spend more time together. Am I correct in understanding that Moist Dan and Xena are just a couple of overachieving farmers? Moist Dan wants to start a family, and Xena makes all kinds of patronizing sounds in his direction just before she runs out of the house to go to work. Well, I'm glad to see that Lucy Lawless is still working on projects with slightly twisted gender roles. She promises him that she'll be back in two hours. She had better show up with some roses and chocolate, if she knows what's good for her.

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Spring Break Bug Attack

by LTG May 4, 2005
Locusts

The credits feature nothing but close-ups of locusts. I'm going to close my eyes now. You tell me when the credits are over. And don't try to trick me.

What? It's safe now? Okay. We see the outside of a row house in what the neon green type tells us is Georgetown. It's a reasonable enough facsimile of Georgetown, I guess. We hear a phone ringing. Inside the house, Xena walks out of a bathroom wearing a little negligee thing over her bra and panties. But the bra is not made out of leather and metal, so it clearly belongs to someone else. A male voice calls out to her from the bathroom, asking her where she's going. I think she's answering the phone there, Jones. Xena picks up her cell phone and answers it, "Dr. Riordan." It's her assistant, Vivien -- she has a question about the Virginia Institute of Agriculture. Apparently, the GAO is concerned about some USDA studies that are going on there. The horrible, horrible exposition begins when Xena asks, "Vivien, are you logged on to the USDA website?" I'm sorry, but if Xena works for the USDA and Vivien works for the USDA, why would she word it that way? Xena asks Viv to look up what's being researched at that lab, and Viv tells her that it's classified. When Xena learns that the researcher is someone named Peter Axelrod, she asks Viv to meet her in front of the lab in fifteen minutes.

As Xena starts to get dressed, a moist guy in a towel emerges from the bathroom. And I don't say moist just because he just got out of the shower -- this guy is just generally moist, with all the bad things that word conveys. I'm also told by the people on the forums that he played Pacey's gay brother, but that means nothing to me. And I have to say, I don't think I want him on our team. Xena apologizes for having to take off, but she tells him that she has to check this out before her flight to California that evening. He's all petulant about not being able to spend time with her, and she's completely oblivious to how upset he is. He tells her that he really wants to talk before she heads off to California. She calls him "Dan," and tells him that they both knew how busy she would be when she became the Undersecretary of Agriculture. Again, why wouldn't she just say "Undersecretary"? Is she worried that he'll get confused about what department she works in? But he's pissed off, because he turned down a chance to head the "U.N. Famine Relief Service," because they had agreed to try to settle down and spend more time together. Am I correct in understanding that Moist Dan and Xena are just a couple of overachieving farmers? Moist Dan wants to start a family, and Xena makes all kinds of patronizing sounds in his direction just before she runs out of the house to go to work. Well, I'm glad to see that Lucy Lawless is still working on projects with slightly twisted gender roles. She promises him that she'll be back in two hours. She had better show up with some roses and chocolate, if she knows what's good for her.

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