MONDO EXTRAS

Spring Break Bug Attack

by LTG May 4, 2005
Locusts

A news guy on television tells everyone to stop using electricity. AAAAUGH! Bug mouth!

On their little plane, Moist Dan wonders what happens if the locusts don't fly close enough to the power lines. Xena flashes back to how shiny the silos looked just before the locust attack in Vernon. She thinks that the locusts must be attracted to bright, reflective light. And why would that be? Is she suggesting that in the few decades that farmers have been using shiny metal silos to store their grain, locusts somehow picked up a genetic predisposition to move towards shiny things? Wouldn't they be more likely to be attracted to the color green? Xena is inspired. She calls Wyatt and asks him if weather balloons are shiny. He tells her that they are, in the sun. Fortunately, the forecast for the next day is sun across the nation. Despite the fact that in the last scene it was pouring in D.C.

At Hills Air Force Base in Utah, suited workers prepare the VX nerve gas for use. Just how much VX nerve gas does the U.S. government have lying around?

We get a montage of electrical workers preparing the power lines for the extra voltage they'll have to carry. Once again, unionized labor saves America. Bureaucrat Nechayev announces that they are diverting power. We see a city skyline going dim -- which really means that people didn't have to turn off their electricity, so much as be prepared for the fact that the government was going to turn off their electricity.

The plane lands in Illinois. Moist Dan and Xena hop in an SUV and drive away. Inexplicably, Moist Dan drives. Because Lord knows you wouldn't want to have a military driver who's familiar with the area when you could have a driver who might get lost on the way.

The sun rises over a field. There is an admittedly cool shot of the swarm of locusts simultaneously flying up from their sleeping place on the ground and filling the air. Gross, but cool.

Xena's phone rings. It's Wyatt, with the pointless news that there's locust activity all over the country. He patches her through to the task force room, where everyone confirms that everyone is ready. And General Jackass confirms that the nerve gas is ready to go when this plan inevitably fails. A shot of the map shows locusts on each coast, in swarms that are at least several states wide.

A fighter squadron flies overhead, loaded with VX nerve gas.

Moist Dan and Xena arrive at the power lines. Some dudes are just now inflating a weather balloon. The balloon itself is not actually shiny. Wyatt, you moron. But someone hung a bunch of mylar strips from it. It looks like a space-age hula dancer. Xena is all pissed off -- the balloons are too far from the power lines. She yells at a soldier to move the balloons one hundred yards closer to the power lines. Soldiers up and down the thousand miles of power line apparently overhear that command, because all of the balloons are moved closer at the same time. She insists that it's essential that the balloons be spaced evenly, every twenty-five yards along the grid. Some other geek can figure out how many balloons that would require, and whether there are that many weather balloons in existence. I can't be bothered, because I'm overcome by the dramatic tension of watching weather balloons being inflated.

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Spring Break Bug Attack

by LTG May 4, 2005
Locusts

A news guy on television tells everyone to stop using electricity. AAAAUGH! Bug mouth!

On their little plane, Moist Dan wonders what happens if the locusts don't fly close enough to the power lines. Xena flashes back to how shiny the silos looked just before the locust attack in Vernon. She thinks that the locusts must be attracted to bright, reflective light. And why would that be? Is she suggesting that in the few decades that farmers have been using shiny metal silos to store their grain, locusts somehow picked up a genetic predisposition to move towards shiny things? Wouldn't they be more likely to be attracted to the color green? Xena is inspired. She calls Wyatt and asks him if weather balloons are shiny. He tells her that they are, in the sun. Fortunately, the forecast for the next day is sun across the nation. Despite the fact that in the last scene it was pouring in D.C.

At Hills Air Force Base in Utah, suited workers prepare the VX nerve gas for use. Just how much VX nerve gas does the U.S. government have lying around?

We get a montage of electrical workers preparing the power lines for the extra voltage they'll have to carry. Once again, unionized labor saves America. Bureaucrat Nechayev announces that they are diverting power. We see a city skyline going dim -- which really means that people didn't have to turn off their electricity, so much as be prepared for the fact that the government was going to turn off their electricity.

The plane lands in Illinois. Moist Dan and Xena hop in an SUV and drive away. Inexplicably, Moist Dan drives. Because Lord knows you wouldn't want to have a military driver who's familiar with the area when you could have a driver who might get lost on the way.

The sun rises over a field. There is an admittedly cool shot of the swarm of locusts simultaneously flying up from their sleeping place on the ground and filling the air. Gross, but cool.

Xena's phone rings. It's Wyatt, with the pointless news that there's locust activity all over the country. He patches her through to the task force room, where everyone confirms that everyone is ready. And General Jackass confirms that the nerve gas is ready to go when this plan inevitably fails. A shot of the map shows locusts on each coast, in swarms that are at least several states wide.

A fighter squadron flies overhead, loaded with VX nerve gas.

Moist Dan and Xena arrive at the power lines. Some dudes are just now inflating a weather balloon. The balloon itself is not actually shiny. Wyatt, you moron. But someone hung a bunch of mylar strips from it. It looks like a space-age hula dancer. Xena is all pissed off -- the balloons are too far from the power lines. She yells at a soldier to move the balloons one hundred yards closer to the power lines. Soldiers up and down the thousand miles of power line apparently overhear that command, because all of the balloons are moved closer at the same time. She insists that it's essential that the balloons be spaced evenly, every twenty-five yards along the grid. Some other geek can figure out how many balloons that would require, and whether there are that many weather balloons in existence. I can't be bothered, because I'm overcome by the dramatic tension of watching weather balloons being inflated.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25Next

Comments

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Get the most of your experience.
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See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

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Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

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