MONDO EXTRAS

That Title Is "Lois," Then "Clark"

by admin November 7, 2005
Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman: Pilot

Hello there!

A special thanks to all the nice folks who donated to our Katrina fund. This recap is brought to you by devastating hurricanes and (subsequent) kindness.

Disclosure: I never watched Lois & Clark when it aired. It was on from 1993-1997, which coincidentally were my college years, and I don't remember seeing a single thing on television during those four years except for Animaniacs. Maybe I was binge drinking. So I'm watching this show fresh and new. I have no idea if Jimmy Olsen turns out to be a serial killer or if Clark punctures Lois's womb the first time they have sex. Let's just all time warp to the early '90s, a time before ubiquitous cell phones and easy internet access.

The timing is a bit auspicious, since L&C only made it four seasons, and that other Superman show has just started its fifth and, if the early ratings are to be trusted, seems to be making something of a comeback. (Note: That comeback is dependent on competing against Joey and the way-past-its-prime The O.C., so take that for whatever it's worth.)

Onward! We begin with a big honking Superman logo that, in today's go-go techie world, you could create with the Paint! program that comes with Windows. The kind of music you'd associate with an office management training video plays as the words "THE NEW ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN" appear on a beveled block. Those poor, poor early '90s graphic designers. The names of the stars appear over the logo. These are the least exciting opening credits of any show I think I've ever seen. Even The Andy Griffith Show had fishing and whistling. The credits go on for, roughly, years of my life. My wife walks in and asks if we should consider retiring. I tell her to load up the RV. I almost spit up my Metamucil when I see the name "Tracy Scoggins."

We transition to a city street. The camera follows a stereotypical yellow cab as it makes a sharp U-turn on the street and almost runs over some city dwellers. "Hey, what's the matter with you?" one of them yells. No cursing? Ah, yes. It was a simpler time. The cab runs over a curb, and stops in front of a neon sign for The Daily Planet. Some sort of white-trash hobo exits the cab and closes the door with his foot as he leaves.

Inside the hippest newsroom ever (high ceilings, deco design; it looks like they make pretty toys here), the hobo -- wearing a snow hat and flannel -- parks at a desk. The guy turns around, and either this is a bearded woman, or it's Orlando Bloom. Bearded Lady reaches into his/her shirt and cuts something inside with a pair of scissors. She removes what looks like a long, giant nylon and sighs. "You're in early!" someone says as they come up from behind. Jimmy Olsen, I presume? He's rocking the red sweater-vest and tie. You go, Jimmy. It's the early '90s. Anything goes, my friend. Jimmy tells his bum friend that he likes the beard, but that the moustache isn't working for him. (Does that make him a top or a bottom? I forget which.) Jimmy asks if he wants the bearded lady to "do it." Bearded Lady winces. Jimmy pulls off the facial hair with a loud tearing sound. Holy Desperate Housewives! It's Teri Hatcher. Remember when she, like, went and got emaciated and did those awful commercials with that awful football guy and then she came back better than ever, just ten years older? Good times. Teri -- who I'm going to take a wild stab and say is playing Lois Lane -- hands over two canisters of film and says she nailed them, cold. Canisters? Of film? From a camera? Man, those '90s were nuts! Jimmy thinks that's awesome, and walks away to prove it. Lois Lane takes off her ugly hat and tousles her hair. She's got some schmootz on her nose.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31Next

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That Title Is "Lois," Then "Clark"

by admin November 7, 2005
Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman: Pilot

Hello there!

A special thanks to all the nice folks who donated to our Katrina fund. This recap is brought to you by devastating hurricanes and (subsequent) kindness.

Disclosure: I never watched Lois & Clark when it aired. It was on from 1993-1997, which coincidentally were my college years, and I don't remember seeing a single thing on television during those four years except for Animaniacs. Maybe I was binge drinking. So I'm watching this show fresh and new. I have no idea if Jimmy Olsen turns out to be a serial killer or if Clark punctures Lois's womb the first time they have sex. Let's just all time warp to the early '90s, a time before ubiquitous cell phones and easy internet access.

The timing is a bit auspicious, since L&C only made it four seasons, and that other Superman show has just started its fifth and, if the early ratings are to be trusted, seems to be making something of a comeback. (Note: That comeback is dependent on competing against Joey and the way-past-its-prime The O.C., so take that for whatever it's worth.)

Onward! We begin with a big honking Superman logo that, in today's go-go techie world, you could create with the Paint! program that comes with Windows. The kind of music you'd associate with an office management training video plays as the words "THE NEW ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN" appear on a beveled block. Those poor, poor early '90s graphic designers. The names of the stars appear over the logo. These are the least exciting opening credits of any show I think I've ever seen. Even The Andy Griffith Show had fishing and whistling. The credits go on for, roughly, years of my life. My wife walks in and asks if we should consider retiring. I tell her to load up the RV. I almost spit up my Metamucil when I see the name "Tracy Scoggins."

We transition to a city street. The camera follows a stereotypical yellow cab as it makes a sharp U-turn on the street and almost runs over some city dwellers. "Hey, what's the matter with you?" one of them yells. No cursing? Ah, yes. It was a simpler time. The cab runs over a curb, and stops in front of a neon sign for The Daily Planet. Some sort of white-trash hobo exits the cab and closes the door with his foot as he leaves.

Inside the hippest newsroom ever (high ceilings, deco design; it looks like they make pretty toys here), the hobo -- wearing a snow hat and flannel -- parks at a desk. The guy turns around, and either this is a bearded woman, or it's Orlando Bloom. Bearded Lady reaches into his/her shirt and cuts something inside with a pair of scissors. She removes what looks like a long, giant nylon and sighs. "You're in early!" someone says as they come up from behind. Jimmy Olsen, I presume? He's rocking the red sweater-vest and tie. You go, Jimmy. It's the early '90s. Anything goes, my friend. Jimmy tells his bum friend that he likes the beard, but that the moustache isn't working for him. (Does that make him a top or a bottom? I forget which.) Jimmy asks if he wants the bearded lady to "do it." Bearded Lady winces. Jimmy pulls off the facial hair with a loud tearing sound. Holy Desperate Housewives! It's Teri Hatcher. Remember when she, like, went and got emaciated and did those awful commercials with that awful football guy and then she came back better than ever, just ten years older? Good times. Teri -- who I'm going to take a wild stab and say is playing Lois Lane -- hands over two canisters of film and says she nailed them, cold. Canisters? Of film? From a camera? Man, those '90s were nuts! Jimmy thinks that's awesome, and walks away to prove it. Lois Lane takes off her ugly hat and tousles her hair. She's got some schmootz on her nose.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31Next

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