MONDO EXTRAS

That Title Is "Lois," Then "Clark"

by Omar G November 7, 2005
Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman: Pilot

The most boring fancy-dress party ever. Every good party needs a belligerent drunk, and this party doesn't have one. Lex walks through the crowd, not taking his own advice about the high ground, and starts to talk as a spotlight shines on him. Luthor says that because of everyone's generosity, the Luthor Home for Homeless Children will soon be a reality. What about their parents? All the extras shuffle around like they're not sure where their mark is. Everybody claps, including Lois and short-mullet Clark. Lex toots his own horn about his charity work in Metropolis, but says he'd like to go further. Necking? He says the "Congress of Nations" is considering canceling the space station plan. What's Cat doing here? I guess she's sleeping with Senator Morales. Lex yaks about what a great thing a zero-gravity lab would be, and says he's committing his fortune to build a privately-owned space station. It will be called The Luthor Lab for Homeless Astronauts. Lex says he's waiting for approval from the Congress of Nations: "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you 'Space Station Luthor!'" Wow, that's generous. A hologram of what looks like a giant space hamster terrarium appears in front of Lex. Everybody oohs and ahhs. Why make billions when we can make...one space station? Lois and Lex give each other lovey-dovey eyes as Lex talks about what an amazing thing this is. Yeah, holograms are neat. I guess the space station is all right, too. Perry, standing right behind Lex, seems to think it's pretty cool, too. Boy, they sure got a lot of Planet staff at this thing. Perry leads the clapping on the end of Lex's speech, which is very un-editor like. Clark claps reluctantly. You see, Clark? You should have been building a space station in your free time instead of eating from hollowed out crocodile skulls in Zimbabwe or whatever the fuck you were doing in your lost years.

Lair of Lex, later. Lex is lying by the fireplace, but he's not making sweet, sweet love to anybody. At least not yet. A snake slithers into the room as lighting and thunder keep going, marking the longest time a storm stayed in one place in human history. The snake slithers toward Lex, who appears to be smoking a cigar and drinking sherry. Hey, it's Punjab! Or some dude with a head wrap and ornate Indian dress. He stands in the doorway staring at Lex. You rang for a manservant with a long snake, sir? This is what we thought you meant. The snake hisses at the oblivious Lex as dramatic music builds. Lex turns quickly and just stares at it. Back, beast! Get behind me, Satan! Coooobrraaaaa! The cobra sits up, and Lex has a staring contest with it. Where's Andy Richter? Lex gets up, slowly. A tear rolls down his cheek. The snake backs down. Lex smiles as the snake turns to leave. The snake says, "Yeah, uh, I was just checking up on you, Lex. I wasn't going to go for your throat. Just wanted to see if you...er...wanted something to drink before you go to bed. But I see now that you have a drink, so...ah...goodnight then. I'm gonna go drain the snake. Heh. I love that joke." Punjab picks up the snake with his snake stick and smiles his snake-wrangling smile. He asks Lex if that will be all for the evening. Lex tells "Asabi" ("Wha-asssssaaaaabi!") that, yes, that'll be all. Lex puffs on his cigar and lies down, happily. Yep, that's good stare-down. I'm spent.

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Comments

That Title Is "Lois," Then "Clark"

by Omar G November 7, 2005
Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman: Pilot

The most boring fancy-dress party ever. Every good party needs a belligerent drunk, and this party doesn't have one. Lex walks through the crowd, not taking his own advice about the high ground, and starts to talk as a spotlight shines on him. Luthor says that because of everyone's generosity, the Luthor Home for Homeless Children will soon be a reality. What about their parents? All the extras shuffle around like they're not sure where their mark is. Everybody claps, including Lois and short-mullet Clark. Lex toots his own horn about his charity work in Metropolis, but says he'd like to go further. Necking? He says the "Congress of Nations" is considering canceling the space station plan. What's Cat doing here? I guess she's sleeping with Senator Morales. Lex yaks about what a great thing a zero-gravity lab would be, and says he's committing his fortune to build a privately-owned space station. It will be called The Luthor Lab for Homeless Astronauts. Lex says he's waiting for approval from the Congress of Nations: "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you 'Space Station Luthor!'" Wow, that's generous. A hologram of what looks like a giant space hamster terrarium appears in front of Lex. Everybody oohs and ahhs. Why make billions when we can make...one space station? Lois and Lex give each other lovey-dovey eyes as Lex talks about what an amazing thing this is. Yeah, holograms are neat. I guess the space station is all right, too. Perry, standing right behind Lex, seems to think it's pretty cool, too. Boy, they sure got a lot of Planet staff at this thing. Perry leads the clapping on the end of Lex's speech, which is very un-editor like. Clark claps reluctantly. You see, Clark? You should have been building a space station in your free time instead of eating from hollowed out crocodile skulls in Zimbabwe or whatever the fuck you were doing in your lost years.

Lair of Lex, later. Lex is lying by the fireplace, but he's not making sweet, sweet love to anybody. At least not yet. A snake slithers into the room as lighting and thunder keep going, marking the longest time a storm stayed in one place in human history. The snake slithers toward Lex, who appears to be smoking a cigar and drinking sherry. Hey, it's Punjab! Or some dude with a head wrap and ornate Indian dress. He stands in the doorway staring at Lex. You rang for a manservant with a long snake, sir? This is what we thought you meant. The snake hisses at the oblivious Lex as dramatic music builds. Lex turns quickly and just stares at it. Back, beast! Get behind me, Satan! Coooobrraaaaa! The cobra sits up, and Lex has a staring contest with it. Where's Andy Richter? Lex gets up, slowly. A tear rolls down his cheek. The snake backs down. Lex smiles as the snake turns to leave. The snake says, "Yeah, uh, I was just checking up on you, Lex. I wasn't going to go for your throat. Just wanted to see if you...er...wanted something to drink before you go to bed. But I see now that you have a drink, so...ah...goodnight then. I'm gonna go drain the snake. Heh. I love that joke." Punjab picks up the snake with his snake stick and smiles his snake-wrangling smile. He asks Lex if that will be all for the evening. Lex tells "Asabi" ("Wha-asssssaaaaabi!") that, yes, that'll be all. Lex puffs on his cigar and lies down, happily. Yep, that's good stare-down. I'm spent.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31Next

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