MONDO EXTRAS

That Title Is "Lois," Then "Clark"

by Omar G November 7, 2005
Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman: Pilot

One costume change and schmootz-removal later, and Lois is now wearing pin-striped business attire and a comely hairdo. Rrrowr. The whole newsroom is applauding Lois for some huge scoop she just got. The only time I've ever seen people applaud in a newsroom is when someone retires or when an award won by someone on staff is announced. We don't stop what we're doing at 4:30 to cheer about a story that's running the next day. "Come quick, everyone! Charles totally rocked tomorrow's obits! Funky Winkerbean is both funny and heartwarming in Wednesday's edition!" According to the hung-up front pages, Lois helped bust a car-theft ring. Jimmy gushes that he can't believe they thought she was a boy. I'll say! Rrrowr! Sorry. I recap a show where everyone's supposed to be ten years younger than I. It's rare that I get to admire a woman who's close to my age, yet twelve years older at the same time. Makes me feel kind of funny inside, if you must know. Lois says that the moustache helped. Also? Prosthetic scrot. Lois thanks Jimmy for teaching her how to boost a car. Yeah, there's something about Jimmy. He's a bit Vinny Delpino, isn't he? Jimmy salutes Lois with his coffee cup for going where no reporter has gone before. To a high tax bracket?

The great and awesome Lane Smith, who unfortunately died earlier this year, appears as Perry White, and tells these slack-ass journalists to break it up already. Yeah! Get to work, you lackeys! Perry tells Jimmy to shut off the TV, and asks Lois if she's expecting garlands thrown at her feet. He says it sweetly, though, and not like he's ragging on her for getting all the attention. She asks for a raise instead. He makes a joke about wanting a schooner with a teak interior, but, he says, "Times are tough." He pulls his pockets inside out to make his point. You must love him. Everybody laughs. Perry tells everyone that this is a newspaper, not "Happy Hour at Buckingham Palace." They have Happy Hour at...? Oh, and now Perry's walking away. Jimmy tries to get Perry's attention about the case of the mini-mall murders. He figured out why there's blood on the burritos, but Perry cuts him off by asking if Jimmy finished those obituary updates. Bloody burritos, 3 for 99 cents at Taco Bell. Taste the blood of the border! Jimmy obviously didn't finish his work, so Perry tells him not to underestimate the need for a good obituary. Dude, that's all I did on one of my newspaper internships. Then all my friends gave me shit about it and asked if I worked at a graveyard. Then they wanted to know if I knew how to take down zombies. Jimmy -- who looks like he could be Scott Baio's brother (and who will only last a season on this show, it seems -- says he can think of one right now. Ha! Hilarity!

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That Title Is "Lois," Then "Clark"

by Omar G November 7, 2005
Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman: Pilot

One costume change and schmootz-removal later, and Lois is now wearing pin-striped business attire and a comely hairdo. Rrrowr. The whole newsroom is applauding Lois for some huge scoop she just got. The only time I've ever seen people applaud in a newsroom is when someone retires or when an award won by someone on staff is announced. We don't stop what we're doing at 4:30 to cheer about a story that's running the next day. "Come quick, everyone! Charles totally rocked tomorrow's obits! Funky Winkerbean is both funny and heartwarming in Wednesday's edition!" According to the hung-up front pages, Lois helped bust a car-theft ring. Jimmy gushes that he can't believe they thought she was a boy. I'll say! Rrrowr! Sorry. I recap a show where everyone's supposed to be ten years younger than I. It's rare that I get to admire a woman who's close to my age, yet twelve years older at the same time. Makes me feel kind of funny inside, if you must know. Lois says that the moustache helped. Also? Prosthetic scrot. Lois thanks Jimmy for teaching her how to boost a car. Yeah, there's something about Jimmy. He's a bit Vinny Delpino, isn't he? Jimmy salutes Lois with his coffee cup for going where no reporter has gone before. To a high tax bracket?

The great and awesome Lane Smith, who unfortunately died earlier this year, appears as Perry White, and tells these slack-ass journalists to break it up already. Yeah! Get to work, you lackeys! Perry tells Jimmy to shut off the TV, and asks Lois if she's expecting garlands thrown at her feet. He says it sweetly, though, and not like he's ragging on her for getting all the attention. She asks for a raise instead. He makes a joke about wanting a schooner with a teak interior, but, he says, "Times are tough." He pulls his pockets inside out to make his point. You must love him. Everybody laughs. Perry tells everyone that this is a newspaper, not "Happy Hour at Buckingham Palace." They have Happy Hour at...? Oh, and now Perry's walking away. Jimmy tries to get Perry's attention about the case of the mini-mall murders. He figured out why there's blood on the burritos, but Perry cuts him off by asking if Jimmy finished those obituary updates. Bloody burritos, 3 for 99 cents at Taco Bell. Taste the blood of the border! Jimmy obviously didn't finish his work, so Perry tells him not to underestimate the need for a good obituary. Dude, that's all I did on one of my newspaper internships. Then all my friends gave me shit about it and asked if I worked at a graveyard. Then they wanted to know if I knew how to take down zombies. Jimmy -- who looks like he could be Scott Baio's brother (and who will only last a season on this show, it seems -- says he can think of one right now. Ha! Hilarity!

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31Next

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Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

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