MONDO EXTRAS

That Title Is "Lois," Then "Clark"

by Omar G November 7, 2005
Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman: Pilot

Jimmy and Lois keep skulking about. He asks if she even knows what she's looking for. Examining some wreckage, he says, "Wow. Smooth!" He only lasted a season on this show, but it's only been one episode and I'm already tired of him. Lois asks him to take photos of everything. Especially that jar of peanut butter. It's...crunchy. Lois starts talking smack about how she never trusted Dr. L'eggs Pantyhose and how the way she looked at Clark was "very unprofessional." While Lois is blabbing, Jimmy gets grabbed from behind by the doctor's blonde-haired thug. Jimmy is dragged away and falls unconscious. Lois calls after Jimmy. The thug tries (badly) to sneak up on Lois. She turns and smacks him with her purse. Then she kicks him. Holy panty-flash, Lois! Then she smacks him with the purse again. What's in there? Oh yeah, her cold, cold heart. She tries to help Jimmy while the thug shakes it off and pulls a knife. Lois disarms the guy, kicks him again, and punches him a final time. It would be a lot more impressive if the guy didn't look like a gone-to-seed biker who sits on the porch drinking Jack and Cokes all day. Lois turns, but is stopped by a gun that's cocked a second time by Dr. Cocks a Lot. The doctor compliments Lois on her self-defense. The thug rises again to put a hand on Lois's shoulder. "Hey, little lady, want me to get you a drink? We got Jack and...ah...Coke, I guess. Let me fix ya a Jack and Coke. We'll sit on the porch and talk about Jeff Gordon."

Newsroom. Perry has called a late staff meeting, which is made more dramatic by the budget cuts in newsroom lighting. Seriously, these people are like turd miners, hammering out phrases in the dark of a cave. Perry asks where Lois and Jimmy went. Clark assumed they'd be here. You go with your bad-ass superpowers, boy! Perry says they'll start the meeting anyway. Clark fidgets while Perry starts off with a story about a sex change in the royal family. Cool! Clark gets up and leaves. Perry tells him the meeting's not over. Clark says it's not like Jimmy or Lois to miss a meeting (he's known them for how long?), and says he'd like to call around. "Hell of a way to run a railroad," Perry mutters, but lets Clark go.

Clark ducks down a hall and enters a place called "Storage Room" which, if the commentary is to be believed, will never be used on the show again. Clark climbs a box and unlatches a window so that he can climb out. "Kent!" Perry calls. He followed Clark into the room. Clark sits down, trying to be nonchalant as Perry walks into the dark area trying to figure out what's up. Very, very cute and funny scene. "They told me you were in here!" Perry says. "Yes, sir," Clark responds. Perry asks sweetly if Clark made his call. Clark says he was just about to. "Oh," Perry says. He looks around, a bit uncomfortably. "So...are you looking for something?" he asks. "No, sir. Not really," Clark tells him. It's at about this point, you're watching the scene going, "What the fuck is going on here?" Perry smacks his lips. He says he'd better be getting back. "Yes, sir," Clark says. "When are you coming," Perry asks, "out of the closet?" Clark stands. "Soon, sir," he says. "Very soon." This is like HoYay cave drawings. It is part of our great HoYay ancestry. We should study it. Perry looks in about ten different directions. He even ducks down to give Clark one last look as he's walking out. It's such a weird little nothing scene, but you have to admit it takes balls to put something like that in the middle of a big-budget pilot. Big gay balls.

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That Title Is "Lois," Then "Clark"

by Omar G November 7, 2005
Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman: Pilot

Jimmy and Lois keep skulking about. He asks if she even knows what she's looking for. Examining some wreckage, he says, "Wow. Smooth!" He only lasted a season on this show, but it's only been one episode and I'm already tired of him. Lois asks him to take photos of everything. Especially that jar of peanut butter. It's...crunchy. Lois starts talking smack about how she never trusted Dr. L'eggs Pantyhose and how the way she looked at Clark was "very unprofessional." While Lois is blabbing, Jimmy gets grabbed from behind by the doctor's blonde-haired thug. Jimmy is dragged away and falls unconscious. Lois calls after Jimmy. The thug tries (badly) to sneak up on Lois. She turns and smacks him with her purse. Then she kicks him. Holy panty-flash, Lois! Then she smacks him with the purse again. What's in there? Oh yeah, her cold, cold heart. She tries to help Jimmy while the thug shakes it off and pulls a knife. Lois disarms the guy, kicks him again, and punches him a final time. It would be a lot more impressive if the guy didn't look like a gone-to-seed biker who sits on the porch drinking Jack and Cokes all day. Lois turns, but is stopped by a gun that's cocked a second time by Dr. Cocks a Lot. The doctor compliments Lois on her self-defense. The thug rises again to put a hand on Lois's shoulder. "Hey, little lady, want me to get you a drink? We got Jack and...ah...Coke, I guess. Let me fix ya a Jack and Coke. We'll sit on the porch and talk about Jeff Gordon."

Newsroom. Perry has called a late staff meeting, which is made more dramatic by the budget cuts in newsroom lighting. Seriously, these people are like turd miners, hammering out phrases in the dark of a cave. Perry asks where Lois and Jimmy went. Clark assumed they'd be here. You go with your bad-ass superpowers, boy! Perry says they'll start the meeting anyway. Clark fidgets while Perry starts off with a story about a sex change in the royal family. Cool! Clark gets up and leaves. Perry tells him the meeting's not over. Clark says it's not like Jimmy or Lois to miss a meeting (he's known them for how long?), and says he'd like to call around. "Hell of a way to run a railroad," Perry mutters, but lets Clark go.

Clark ducks down a hall and enters a place called "Storage Room" which, if the commentary is to be believed, will never be used on the show again. Clark climbs a box and unlatches a window so that he can climb out. "Kent!" Perry calls. He followed Clark into the room. Clark sits down, trying to be nonchalant as Perry walks into the dark area trying to figure out what's up. Very, very cute and funny scene. "They told me you were in here!" Perry says. "Yes, sir," Clark responds. Perry asks sweetly if Clark made his call. Clark says he was just about to. "Oh," Perry says. He looks around, a bit uncomfortably. "So...are you looking for something?" he asks. "No, sir. Not really," Clark tells him. It's at about this point, you're watching the scene going, "What the fuck is going on here?" Perry smacks his lips. He says he'd better be getting back. "Yes, sir," Clark says. "When are you coming," Perry asks, "out of the closet?" Clark stands. "Soon, sir," he says. "Very soon." This is like HoYay cave drawings. It is part of our great HoYay ancestry. We should study it. Perry looks in about ten different directions. He even ducks down to give Clark one last look as he's walking out. It's such a weird little nothing scene, but you have to admit it takes balls to put something like that in the middle of a big-budget pilot. Big gay balls.

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