MONDO EXTRAS

That Title Is "Lois," Then "Clark"

by Omar G November 7, 2005
Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman: Pilot

Lois thinks they're gonna die. Clark brings up Lois's bit about respect, and tells her that everyone at The Planet thinks she's the best reporter they've ever met. Lois, crying, is grateful to hear it. Clark tells her that even Perry said so the day Clark interviewed. "He did?" Lois sputters in that trademark Teri Hatcher blubber-cry. Clark says it may not mean much coming from a "hack from Nowheresville," but that he thinks she's pretty terrific, too. "Ooh, Clark," she cries, "I'm sorry." Lois tries to apologize some more, but Dr. Wet T-Shirt Contest comes in to deliver some crappy lines about how she was never much of a hostess. "Answer one question," Lois says. "Why?" Oh, holy bejeezus. "Profit," the doctor says. Plastics! She believes that space will belong to whomever gets there first and seizes the high ground. The high space ground. Floating. That you stand on. While orbiting. Well, never mind! It's all in the annual report, you fools! She says she's sorry they won't be around much longer, but that accidents do happen. "'Accidents'?" Lois asks. Yes, you fools, you see...blah blah. Blah blah blah blah. And furthermore, my plan for blah blah will make blah blah out of your pissant little blah blah. Release the blah blah trap! She turns the crank on some nasty-looking green liquid that pours on the ground while she monologues. She pours a second liquid that will apparently react with the other to do some damage. Behold! My evil liquid plan! She kisses Clark on the lips. Why does it taste like a billionaire's jock? She walks away, not noticing that Clark is free of his shackles. The liquid moves. Clark springs into action, still within earshot of Dr. End Is Near, who apparently can't hear any of this. Clark grabs Jimmy, who's lying nearby. The liquid, falling into a grate, starts to bubble and steam.

Explosion! Outside, Lois and Clark are running with Jimmy over Clark's shoulder. There's another explosion. The fire engulfs Clark, Lois, and Jimmy as an early green-screen experiment goes horribly wrong. They sort of float half in the air, and it's just really, really bad. They float some more and land safely away as the warehouse goes up in flames. Lois falls face-first into a puddle of mud. That's good Hatcher, right there. "What happened?" Lois asks, because she apparently wasn't there when everything just exploded. "I dunno," says Clark. "I guess the force from the explosion must have carried us here," he explains. Care to explain why you're not all charcoal briquettes right now? A helicopter is taking off from the burning warehouse. "Look!" Lois says. The helicopter suddenly explodes for no good goddamn reason. Wait, what?

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That Title Is "Lois," Then "Clark"

by Omar G November 7, 2005
Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman: Pilot

Lois thinks they're gonna die. Clark brings up Lois's bit about respect, and tells her that everyone at The Planet thinks she's the best reporter they've ever met. Lois, crying, is grateful to hear it. Clark tells her that even Perry said so the day Clark interviewed. "He did?" Lois sputters in that trademark Teri Hatcher blubber-cry. Clark says it may not mean much coming from a "hack from Nowheresville," but that he thinks she's pretty terrific, too. "Ooh, Clark," she cries, "I'm sorry." Lois tries to apologize some more, but Dr. Wet T-Shirt Contest comes in to deliver some crappy lines about how she was never much of a hostess. "Answer one question," Lois says. "Why?" Oh, holy bejeezus. "Profit," the doctor says. Plastics! She believes that space will belong to whomever gets there first and seizes the high ground. The high space ground. Floating. That you stand on. While orbiting. Well, never mind! It's all in the annual report, you fools! She says she's sorry they won't be around much longer, but that accidents do happen. "'Accidents'?" Lois asks. Yes, you fools, you see...blah blah. Blah blah blah blah. And furthermore, my plan for blah blah will make blah blah out of your pissant little blah blah. Release the blah blah trap! She turns the crank on some nasty-looking green liquid that pours on the ground while she monologues. She pours a second liquid that will apparently react with the other to do some damage. Behold! My evil liquid plan! She kisses Clark on the lips. Why does it taste like a billionaire's jock? She walks away, not noticing that Clark is free of his shackles. The liquid moves. Clark springs into action, still within earshot of Dr. End Is Near, who apparently can't hear any of this. Clark grabs Jimmy, who's lying nearby. The liquid, falling into a grate, starts to bubble and steam.

Explosion! Outside, Lois and Clark are running with Jimmy over Clark's shoulder. There's another explosion. The fire engulfs Clark, Lois, and Jimmy as an early green-screen experiment goes horribly wrong. They sort of float half in the air, and it's just really, really bad. They float some more and land safely away as the warehouse goes up in flames. Lois falls face-first into a puddle of mud. That's good Hatcher, right there. "What happened?" Lois asks, because she apparently wasn't there when everything just exploded. "I dunno," says Clark. "I guess the force from the explosion must have carried us here," he explains. Care to explain why you're not all charcoal briquettes right now? A helicopter is taking off from the burning warehouse. "Look!" Lois says. The helicopter suddenly explodes for no good goddamn reason. Wait, what?

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31Next

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Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

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