MONDO EXTRAS

That Title Is "Lois," Then "Clark"

by Omar G November 7, 2005
Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman: Pilot

Cut to a TV screen, showing the helicopter exploding. It rewinds and plays the explosion again. "Goodnight, [Dr. Exploding Slut in the Sky]. Sweet dreams," Lex says quietly, holding the TV remote. Bastard! But not so magnificent.

Front page of The Daily Planet. "Messenger sabotaged, saboteur dies in fiery explosion." There's a big photo of Dr. Hot For a Dead Lady. That's a pretty awful headline. Two champagne glasses clink, and everyone's cheering. Everyone's wearing party hats. Wow, I wish we had a party every time a big story broke. There's even party favors. Honk! Someone asks Jimmy, who is standing next to Lois and Clark, if he was scared. He goes to a crowd of admiring ladies and tells them he was concerned about the colonist space launch. Jimmy interrupts to announce that the space program people went over the colonist craft, found the same cooling problem, and fixed it. The launch is on for tomorrow. Woohoo! Cheers all around. Perry tells Lois, who is wearing a cheap party hat, that she can't go. No reporters allowed. Lois whines that it would be a great story. "No can do, Lois," Perry tells her. Lois pretends to let it go. Perry tells Clark that Platt's wife and daughter are scheduled to go on board. You mean they need them up there to find a cure? Lois says about five unfinished lines before she thanks Clark for everything he did. Lois starts to talk sexy, but shifts gears to threaten Clark about repeating anything she told him. Clark says she can trust him. "Right," she says. "Heard that one before." She walks off to go party with other co-workers.

Mission control. The show's not over? Wow, I don't think all these machines could even run a TiVo these days. Scientists are preparing for launch. Shot of the colonist transport vehicle on the launchpad.

Kent home. Pa Kent is telling Clark he's not sure about this whole costume thing. "It'll work," Clark says. "It has to!" He's convinced that, with the right disguise, nobody will recognize him. "Come on," MamaKent says, holding Clark's head in her hands. "Let's get started."

Do you remember that Bonnie Tyler "Holding Out For A Hero" song? Well, here it is. Because I think we're gonna need: a MONTAGE! Clark looks into a full-length mirror, in a leopard-skin tight suit with a vest-looking pattern. Orange underwear, green tights. A funky wide spiked belt to hang over your shoulder or, as Clark tries, to wear as a giant bandana. I guess this would be perfect if you were The Homosexual Leopard. Furious sewing! Green tights and top with a big yellow dot on the front and a green Kato mask. And a blue hat with Flash wings. Ugh. MamaKent takes more measurements. More furious sewing! Sew like the wind! The next suit has a fuller Zorro-type mask, a lavender costume with a dark orange sash. Uh. Hmm. Does it make me fruity that I kind of like it? Clark frowns and shakes his head. We see him tying up some moccasins. Then putting on green boots. Then red boots. Clark's got happy feet! Clark goes to the mirror and is wearing something similar to the Superman suit, but with vertical yellow and red stripes around the waist. He stretches and frowns a bit. Poor MamaKent lies in bed, looking over patterns. "What about that one?" she calls out. Clark says he doesn't know. Clark walks in wearing the Superman suit, but missing the chest crest. He's got the cape and everything. Nipply. Heroic music plays. I mean, just a tiny bit more heroic than Bonnie Tyler. Saaaaaay! "What do you think?" Clark asks. "Well, one thing's for sure. Nobody's going to be looking at your face," she tells him. Hey now! MamaKent's talking about Clark's package! This show was so ahead of its time. "Moooom!" Clark whines. MamaKent giggles. "They don't call 'em tights for nothing!" she says as they hug. Clark is embarrassed, but that doesn't seem to be affecting his packaged goods. They stare at the mirror. MamaKent says there's still something missing. Oh, wait, she's got it! She goes diving under the bed and brings out a huge old suitcase. She pulls out a soft-looking blue blanket. She says it's what they found Clark in so long ago. "And this," she says. An iron-on? Seriously? The Superman crest was an iron-on patch sent from Krypton? Wow, that wasn't a very evolved planet, huh?

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That Title Is "Lois," Then "Clark"

by Omar G November 7, 2005
Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman: Pilot

Cut to a TV screen, showing the helicopter exploding. It rewinds and plays the explosion again. "Goodnight, [Dr. Exploding Slut in the Sky]. Sweet dreams," Lex says quietly, holding the TV remote. Bastard! But not so magnificent.

Front page of The Daily Planet. "Messenger sabotaged, saboteur dies in fiery explosion." There's a big photo of Dr. Hot For a Dead Lady. That's a pretty awful headline. Two champagne glasses clink, and everyone's cheering. Everyone's wearing party hats. Wow, I wish we had a party every time a big story broke. There's even party favors. Honk! Someone asks Jimmy, who is standing next to Lois and Clark, if he was scared. He goes to a crowd of admiring ladies and tells them he was concerned about the colonist space launch. Jimmy interrupts to announce that the space program people went over the colonist craft, found the same cooling problem, and fixed it. The launch is on for tomorrow. Woohoo! Cheers all around. Perry tells Lois, who is wearing a cheap party hat, that she can't go. No reporters allowed. Lois whines that it would be a great story. "No can do, Lois," Perry tells her. Lois pretends to let it go. Perry tells Clark that Platt's wife and daughter are scheduled to go on board. You mean they need them up there to find a cure? Lois says about five unfinished lines before she thanks Clark for everything he did. Lois starts to talk sexy, but shifts gears to threaten Clark about repeating anything she told him. Clark says she can trust him. "Right," she says. "Heard that one before." She walks off to go party with other co-workers.

Mission control. The show's not over? Wow, I don't think all these machines could even run a TiVo these days. Scientists are preparing for launch. Shot of the colonist transport vehicle on the launchpad.

Kent home. Pa Kent is telling Clark he's not sure about this whole costume thing. "It'll work," Clark says. "It has to!" He's convinced that, with the right disguise, nobody will recognize him. "Come on," MamaKent says, holding Clark's head in her hands. "Let's get started."

Do you remember that Bonnie Tyler "Holding Out For A Hero" song? Well, here it is. Because I think we're gonna need: a MONTAGE! Clark looks into a full-length mirror, in a leopard-skin tight suit with a vest-looking pattern. Orange underwear, green tights. A funky wide spiked belt to hang over your shoulder or, as Clark tries, to wear as a giant bandana. I guess this would be perfect if you were The Homosexual Leopard. Furious sewing! Green tights and top with a big yellow dot on the front and a green Kato mask. And a blue hat with Flash wings. Ugh. MamaKent takes more measurements. More furious sewing! Sew like the wind! The next suit has a fuller Zorro-type mask, a lavender costume with a dark orange sash. Uh. Hmm. Does it make me fruity that I kind of like it? Clark frowns and shakes his head. We see him tying up some moccasins. Then putting on green boots. Then red boots. Clark's got happy feet! Clark goes to the mirror and is wearing something similar to the Superman suit, but with vertical yellow and red stripes around the waist. He stretches and frowns a bit. Poor MamaKent lies in bed, looking over patterns. "What about that one?" she calls out. Clark says he doesn't know. Clark walks in wearing the Superman suit, but missing the chest crest. He's got the cape and everything. Nipply. Heroic music plays. I mean, just a tiny bit more heroic than Bonnie Tyler. Saaaaaay! "What do you think?" Clark asks. "Well, one thing's for sure. Nobody's going to be looking at your face," she tells him. Hey now! MamaKent's talking about Clark's package! This show was so ahead of its time. "Moooom!" Clark whines. MamaKent giggles. "They don't call 'em tights for nothing!" she says as they hug. Clark is embarrassed, but that doesn't seem to be affecting his packaged goods. They stare at the mirror. MamaKent says there's still something missing. Oh, wait, she's got it! She goes diving under the bed and brings out a huge old suitcase. She pulls out a soft-looking blue blanket. She says it's what they found Clark in so long ago. "And this," she says. An iron-on? Seriously? The Superman crest was an iron-on patch sent from Krypton? Wow, that wasn't a very evolved planet, huh?

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31Next

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Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

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