MONDO EXTRAS

That Title Is "Lois," Then "Clark"

by Omar G November 7, 2005
Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman: Pilot

On the launchpad, fire. The shuttle is taking off. "Thar she blows," Pa Kent says at home. Clark's not sure whether that was directed at him or not.

Thirty seconds. One guy tells another guy that there's a problem in the main panel. Without skipping a beat, the countdown announcer says they're suspending the launch with twenty-nine seconds left. The rumbling settles down and the countdown stops. Unfortunately, the bomb in Lois's room is still counting down. Pa Kent can't believe something went wrong. Those damn Russians! Wait, was this after that? Those damn Serbs! Pa turns to tell Clark something, but Clark is already gone, having whooshed out the front door. Pa is sad that his son has to go out into the world dressed like that.

Shuttle site. Clark is flying, costume and all, toward the shuttle. A bunch of proud Americans are standing around, waving flags and wearing gimme caps. "What the hell is that?" one of them yells. "Is it a bird?" someone says. "Is it a plane?" A guy holding binoculars says, "Naw, just a guy in a pair of tights and a cape!" People groan and start throwing shit at the guy. It's hilarious.

A security cam catches Clark running into the shuttle, which I guess is just wide open and waiting. "Are we scrubbing the mission?" asks the announcer, who's watching Clark on TV.

Clark finds Lois and the bomb room. BOOM! It should have gone off by now. But there's still nineteen seconds left. Clark takes off the bomb's front panel, exposing some wires. Lois yells at him to get away from that, and asks what kind of lunatic he is. Yeah, he might make it blow up ten seconds early! Clark sticks the explosive in his mouth and chews. His mouth rumbles as the bomb goes off. He belches and pats his chest. "Excuse me," he says politely. Uh...wow. That was unexpected. "What the hell are you?" Lois asks. Garbage Disposal Man! Clark smiles.

Colonists are being unloaded from the ship. We'd better get miles for this! Lois finds Platt's wife and daughter. Some guy with a huge beard sticks his thumb out at Clark, like, "Check out the package on this guy!" "There was a bomb!" Lois says, trying to explain what Clark did. Platt's wife just looks at Clark in wonder. She knew space would be trippy, but my God. Lois says he ate the bomb. "Ate the bomb?" someone echoes. Yeah, get this crazy lady the hell off our ship. Clark says "Hi" to the little girl, who doesn't recognize him as Clark Kent. She says she likes his costume. Clark says that his mother made it for him. Send her the hate mail. "What's your name?" Clark asks. "Amy. Amy Platt." She asks if Clark can teach her how to fly. People saw him flying? He says no, but that when the lab is operational, he'll teach her how to walk. It'll be hell. You'll want to die, little girl, and some days you'll wish you were already dead. But goddammit, you're going to walk if Clark has to jab his super fingers inside your spindly legs and march you around the room himself like a fucking finger puppet. Are you ready for that, missy? Can you handle that?! ANSWER ME!! The announcer's lady friend says on the intercom that the mission has been "scrubbed." They brought Zach Braff to help. All the colonists groan. Naw, man, send us up! We don't mind all the technical problems! We're sure it'll be fine. A colonist says it's all over. Lois asks why. Platt's wife says that once the launchers have been used, they have to be replaced. They'll lose their launch window. That almost happened with Missy Elliott's last CD. Everyone's bummed out. Clark tells them he'll help: they only need to get there. "I'll give them a boost." A boost? A what? Rabble rabble rabble.

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That Title Is "Lois," Then "Clark"

by Omar G November 7, 2005
Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman: Pilot

On the launchpad, fire. The shuttle is taking off. "Thar she blows," Pa Kent says at home. Clark's not sure whether that was directed at him or not.

Thirty seconds. One guy tells another guy that there's a problem in the main panel. Without skipping a beat, the countdown announcer says they're suspending the launch with twenty-nine seconds left. The rumbling settles down and the countdown stops. Unfortunately, the bomb in Lois's room is still counting down. Pa Kent can't believe something went wrong. Those damn Russians! Wait, was this after that? Those damn Serbs! Pa turns to tell Clark something, but Clark is already gone, having whooshed out the front door. Pa is sad that his son has to go out into the world dressed like that.

Shuttle site. Clark is flying, costume and all, toward the shuttle. A bunch of proud Americans are standing around, waving flags and wearing gimme caps. "What the hell is that?" one of them yells. "Is it a bird?" someone says. "Is it a plane?" A guy holding binoculars says, "Naw, just a guy in a pair of tights and a cape!" People groan and start throwing shit at the guy. It's hilarious.

A security cam catches Clark running into the shuttle, which I guess is just wide open and waiting. "Are we scrubbing the mission?" asks the announcer, who's watching Clark on TV.

Clark finds Lois and the bomb room. BOOM! It should have gone off by now. But there's still nineteen seconds left. Clark takes off the bomb's front panel, exposing some wires. Lois yells at him to get away from that, and asks what kind of lunatic he is. Yeah, he might make it blow up ten seconds early! Clark sticks the explosive in his mouth and chews. His mouth rumbles as the bomb goes off. He belches and pats his chest. "Excuse me," he says politely. Uh...wow. That was unexpected. "What the hell are you?" Lois asks. Garbage Disposal Man! Clark smiles.

Colonists are being unloaded from the ship. We'd better get miles for this! Lois finds Platt's wife and daughter. Some guy with a huge beard sticks his thumb out at Clark, like, "Check out the package on this guy!" "There was a bomb!" Lois says, trying to explain what Clark did. Platt's wife just looks at Clark in wonder. She knew space would be trippy, but my God. Lois says he ate the bomb. "Ate the bomb?" someone echoes. Yeah, get this crazy lady the hell off our ship. Clark says "Hi" to the little girl, who doesn't recognize him as Clark Kent. She says she likes his costume. Clark says that his mother made it for him. Send her the hate mail. "What's your name?" Clark asks. "Amy. Amy Platt." She asks if Clark can teach her how to fly. People saw him flying? He says no, but that when the lab is operational, he'll teach her how to walk. It'll be hell. You'll want to die, little girl, and some days you'll wish you were already dead. But goddammit, you're going to walk if Clark has to jab his super fingers inside your spindly legs and march you around the room himself like a fucking finger puppet. Are you ready for that, missy? Can you handle that?! ANSWER ME!! The announcer's lady friend says on the intercom that the mission has been "scrubbed." They brought Zach Braff to help. All the colonists groan. Naw, man, send us up! We don't mind all the technical problems! We're sure it'll be fine. A colonist says it's all over. Lois asks why. Platt's wife says that once the launchers have been used, they have to be replaced. They'll lose their launch window. That almost happened with Missy Elliott's last CD. Everyone's bummed out. Clark tells them he'll help: they only need to get there. "I'll give them a boost." A boost? A what? Rabble rabble rabble.

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Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

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