MONDO EXTRAS

That Title Is "Lois," Then "Clark"

by Omar G November 7, 2005
Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman: Pilot

Lois is at her desk, typing (without looking!) on an ancient monochrome terminal that looks a lot like our old ATEX system. Jimmy the Annoying walks over and tosses a notepad on her desk. She moves it without acknowledging him, but is forced to react when he reads a message for her. Lex Luthor's personal assistant returned a call for her. Lois gets up and wrestles Jimmy for the Post-It. Lois is disappointed when she sees what the message says. Jimmy's not surprised; he says that Lex Luthor never does one-on-one interviews. "He's never met Lois Lane before, either," she tells Jimmy.

City street. A bus stops, ejecting several passengers, including a nerdy yet hunky fellow carrying an exotic brown briefcase. The man puts the briefcase down. It's monogrammed with the letters "CK." Holy shit, Calvin Klein's in town! I hope it doesn't ruin the surprise to tell you this guy is both Clark Kent and Superman. You can stop reading now. It's all downhill from here. Clark looks around, taking in the sights of the big city. Why, it's a bustling street with teeming handfuls of citizens! A man could really get lost amid these fourteen extras! Clark hears honking from the street. A fast-moving bus is careening out of control.

Cut to a bus driver struggling with the big wheel. A light turns red, and the passengers on the bus look worried. Clark looks around and sees only ordinary folks and nuns. You can probably guess the rest. Clark runs into the street and stops the bus with his body and hands. All the passengers on the bus fall over and fracture their necks. If they had cell phones back then, they'd all be calling their lawyers. One woman carrying groceries in the street saw what happened. She points at Clark and tries to get everybody's attention. Clark ducks out of the way before anyone else notices. But he leaves a giant metal handprint on the front of the bus. Hey, let's make an unstoppable steel turkey out of it!

Lois at her desk again, clacking away. A disheveled man in ratty clothes enters the newsroom making a ruckus and asking for Lois Lane. "It's going to explode!" he yells. Everyone thinks he's got a bomb, but he says it's just his credentials in a paper bag. The security team tries to grab him, but the man gets to Lois's desk and tells her that the "messenger" is going to explode. Rock on, exploding UPS guy. Rock on. Lois tries to stop the guards as they drag the old man off, but they take him anyway as he yells that the space program is in trouble. Enterprise? Dude, that's already been cancelled. Maybe he means Battlestar Galactica. Lois looks sadly at the man as he's escorted away. She's left with his paper package.

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Comments

That Title Is "Lois," Then "Clark"

by Omar G November 7, 2005
Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman: Pilot

Lois is at her desk, typing (without looking!) on an ancient monochrome terminal that looks a lot like our old ATEX system. Jimmy the Annoying walks over and tosses a notepad on her desk. She moves it without acknowledging him, but is forced to react when he reads a message for her. Lex Luthor's personal assistant returned a call for her. Lois gets up and wrestles Jimmy for the Post-It. Lois is disappointed when she sees what the message says. Jimmy's not surprised; he says that Lex Luthor never does one-on-one interviews. "He's never met Lois Lane before, either," she tells Jimmy.

City street. A bus stops, ejecting several passengers, including a nerdy yet hunky fellow carrying an exotic brown briefcase. The man puts the briefcase down. It's monogrammed with the letters "CK." Holy shit, Calvin Klein's in town! I hope it doesn't ruin the surprise to tell you this guy is both Clark Kent and Superman. You can stop reading now. It's all downhill from here. Clark looks around, taking in the sights of the big city. Why, it's a bustling street with teeming handfuls of citizens! A man could really get lost amid these fourteen extras! Clark hears honking from the street. A fast-moving bus is careening out of control.

Cut to a bus driver struggling with the big wheel. A light turns red, and the passengers on the bus look worried. Clark looks around and sees only ordinary folks and nuns. You can probably guess the rest. Clark runs into the street and stops the bus with his body and hands. All the passengers on the bus fall over and fracture their necks. If they had cell phones back then, they'd all be calling their lawyers. One woman carrying groceries in the street saw what happened. She points at Clark and tries to get everybody's attention. Clark ducks out of the way before anyone else notices. But he leaves a giant metal handprint on the front of the bus. Hey, let's make an unstoppable steel turkey out of it!

Lois at her desk again, clacking away. A disheveled man in ratty clothes enters the newsroom making a ruckus and asking for Lois Lane. "It's going to explode!" he yells. Everyone thinks he's got a bomb, but he says it's just his credentials in a paper bag. The security team tries to grab him, but the man gets to Lois's desk and tells her that the "messenger" is going to explode. Rock on, exploding UPS guy. Rock on. Lois tries to stop the guards as they drag the old man off, but they take him anyway as he yells that the space program is in trouble. Enterprise? Dude, that's already been cancelled. Maybe he means Battlestar Galactica. Lois looks sadly at the man as he's escorted away. She's left with his paper package.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31Next

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Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

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