MONDO EXTRAS

That Title Is "Lois," Then "Clark"

by Omar G November 7, 2005
Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman: Pilot

Launch pad. "Liftoff!" the announcer says as he sees an itty bitty Clark pushing the shuttle into the air. It's pretty funny-looking, like an ant carrying a donut. Wonderment music plays as Clark pushes the shuttle into the sky. Space, motherfuckers! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! We made it!

Nice shot of Clark pushing the craft in space, his cape flying behind him. The Earth floats behind him. Clark pushes the ship until it almost reaches the space station. They prepare to dock, but I think some Barry White music would make it even better.

Spinning newspaper! The London Voice reads, "Mysterious Phenomena in Space!" The Paris Bulletin, whose name is oddly in English, says, "C'est magnifique." The New York Daily Star says, "Alien invation of Earth!" The National Whisper says, "I'm having alien's baby!" Wonk wonk.

Newsroom. Perry can't believe there's a man who flies. What won't they think of next? Jimmy says it's on TV. Perry advises him not to believe everything you see on TV. Especially not this "eating a bomb" bullshit. Perry is about to wonder who might have pulled off this hoax when he sees something.

Supes is carrying Lois Lane as he flies toward a window in the newsroom. The double doors swing open and he continues flying. Everyone oohs and ahhs. Jimmy snaps photos. "Great shades of Elvis!" Perry exclaims. Clark takes his time making a graceful landing. Lois is totally hot for him. "I see it, but I don't believe it," Cat says. Yeah, I never thought I'd see Tracy Scoggins again either. "A man who flies?" someone asks. "No -- Lois Lane finally, literally, swept off her feet," Cat says. Like you care. "Too bad he's an alien," she says. How does everyone know this? Lois tells Superman that since she saw him first, he owes her an exclusive. Supes asks if that's the rule. Lois says she'd appreciate it very much. Supes chuckles, turns, and flies off. Lois asks how she'll find him. He turns as he flies off and says, "I'll be around." "Real smooth," Jimmy says, and it's the last time I'll ever have to hear it. Kat stumbles up to Lois and asks if she knows what the "S" stands for. Snakepecker? Snickerdoodle? Sir Cumference? "Super," Lois sighs, releasing orgasmic vibes. "Superman!" Lois suddenly says. Stop the presses! Lois breathes heavily. I'll have what she's having. The double doors are closed as Perry yells that they've got a paper to run. Lois goes off to go gush some more.

Lair of Lex. Supes is standing outside the balcony window, on the railing. Lex notices him. Lex pushes a button and a door lifts up, letting Supes inside. Lex claps, cigar in hand. "An astonishing debut, Superman!" he inflects. Lex tells an ignorant Supes that this is what they're calling him now. Damn, I was really lobbying for Snakepecker. Lex asks what's up. "I came to tell you that I know who you are," Supes tells him. Weird rich snake dude. "Who you really are," Supes adds. As Lex smokes, Supes explains that he knows Lex sabotaged the space station so that he'd put up his own system and reap the benefits of all the wonder drugs created. Lex says that's an interesting theory. Supes says Lex is responsible for the deaths of at least three people. Platt, the shuttle commander and Dr. Last Mention. Lex asks if Supes is his judge and executioner. Supes says he obeys the laws of the planet, and that he's not above it. Lex says he holds a certain position in the city. Supes says he'd like nothing better than to see Lex dethroned and put behind bars like a common criminal. Lex doesn't seem too scared. "Let the games begin!" he announces. Supes starts to leave, but adds one more thing: "If you ever need to find me," he says, floating up, "all you have to do is look up." Supes flies away, leaving Lex looking stunned and a bit beaten. Take that, Mr. Snake Charmer! Triumphant music plays as Clark zips up to space.

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Comments

That Title Is "Lois," Then "Clark"

by Omar G November 7, 2005
Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman: Pilot

Launch pad. "Liftoff!" the announcer says as he sees an itty bitty Clark pushing the shuttle into the air. It's pretty funny-looking, like an ant carrying a donut. Wonderment music plays as Clark pushes the shuttle into the sky. Space, motherfuckers! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! We made it!

Nice shot of Clark pushing the craft in space, his cape flying behind him. The Earth floats behind him. Clark pushes the ship until it almost reaches the space station. They prepare to dock, but I think some Barry White music would make it even better.

Spinning newspaper! The London Voice reads, "Mysterious Phenomena in Space!" The Paris Bulletin, whose name is oddly in English, says, "C'est magnifique." The New York Daily Star says, "Alien invation of Earth!" The National Whisper says, "I'm having alien's baby!" Wonk wonk.

Newsroom. Perry can't believe there's a man who flies. What won't they think of next? Jimmy says it's on TV. Perry advises him not to believe everything you see on TV. Especially not this "eating a bomb" bullshit. Perry is about to wonder who might have pulled off this hoax when he sees something.

Supes is carrying Lois Lane as he flies toward a window in the newsroom. The double doors swing open and he continues flying. Everyone oohs and ahhs. Jimmy snaps photos. "Great shades of Elvis!" Perry exclaims. Clark takes his time making a graceful landing. Lois is totally hot for him. "I see it, but I don't believe it," Cat says. Yeah, I never thought I'd see Tracy Scoggins again either. "A man who flies?" someone asks. "No -- Lois Lane finally, literally, swept off her feet," Cat says. Like you care. "Too bad he's an alien," she says. How does everyone know this? Lois tells Superman that since she saw him first, he owes her an exclusive. Supes asks if that's the rule. Lois says she'd appreciate it very much. Supes chuckles, turns, and flies off. Lois asks how she'll find him. He turns as he flies off and says, "I'll be around." "Real smooth," Jimmy says, and it's the last time I'll ever have to hear it. Kat stumbles up to Lois and asks if she knows what the "S" stands for. Snakepecker? Snickerdoodle? Sir Cumference? "Super," Lois sighs, releasing orgasmic vibes. "Superman!" Lois suddenly says. Stop the presses! Lois breathes heavily. I'll have what she's having. The double doors are closed as Perry yells that they've got a paper to run. Lois goes off to go gush some more.

Lair of Lex. Supes is standing outside the balcony window, on the railing. Lex notices him. Lex pushes a button and a door lifts up, letting Supes inside. Lex claps, cigar in hand. "An astonishing debut, Superman!" he inflects. Lex tells an ignorant Supes that this is what they're calling him now. Damn, I was really lobbying for Snakepecker. Lex asks what's up. "I came to tell you that I know who you are," Supes tells him. Weird rich snake dude. "Who you really are," Supes adds. As Lex smokes, Supes explains that he knows Lex sabotaged the space station so that he'd put up his own system and reap the benefits of all the wonder drugs created. Lex says that's an interesting theory. Supes says Lex is responsible for the deaths of at least three people. Platt, the shuttle commander and Dr. Last Mention. Lex asks if Supes is his judge and executioner. Supes says he obeys the laws of the planet, and that he's not above it. Lex says he holds a certain position in the city. Supes says he'd like nothing better than to see Lex dethroned and put behind bars like a common criminal. Lex doesn't seem too scared. "Let the games begin!" he announces. Supes starts to leave, but adds one more thing: "If you ever need to find me," he says, floating up, "all you have to do is look up." Supes flies away, leaving Lex looking stunned and a bit beaten. Take that, Mr. Snake Charmer! Triumphant music plays as Clark zips up to space.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31Next

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Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

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Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

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