MONDO EXTRAS

Do You Believe in Magic?

by Jacob Clifton August 17, 2004
Man in the Mirror: The Michael Jackson Story

"Wow, butterflies," she says, over fifteen different and unending shots of butterflies. They bond over how they had no childhoods and never had any fun or normal friends or anything. "We both grew up in the spotlight," he says, and she says, "You mean, blinded by the spotlight," and he's all like, "Um, Dan Kwa?" and she's all hmmm? because that makes no sense and she doesn't get why. It's all these weird half-remembered clichés that come out all strange and bad in the hands of this terrible writer. "You seem so normal," one or the other of them totally lies their ass off. "You're the only person in the world who thinks I'm normal." WORD. The end. "Yeah, well, to me, different IS normal." So they're made for each other. Except how they are both homosexuals. It's a big gay pride deal and everybody knows it and this isn't about the media or anything, I'm not trying to prove some kind of Bush point, I'm just saying: you're gay. Both of y'all. Shame on you for getting married. Shut the hell up. I hate this Lisa Marie character. Not even the real Lisa Marie Presley is this dumb. They bond some more and retread some shit they just said. They stare down at his crotch with amazement and half-whispered wows but it's because there's a butterfly on Lisa Marie's hand, so their love is Fate or something. This is retarded. "He landed on you because you're sweet," says Michael, because he can't think of anything less possibly sexual or more unthreatening. They both giggle crazily.

Cut to Michael yelling at Bobby how it's a match made in heaven because they Both Love Kids, and Music. I think he knows better than to mention the butterfly thing because Bobby would call bullshit so fast. "She makes me feel..." Fill in the blank. "Like a man?" asks Bobby. I burst out laughing. So does Michael. "God, no. Like I don't have to be anything." Huh? "Just me." Michael's all, will we live happily ever after? Bobby lies through his perfect, lovely teeth when he says he doesn't see why not. They hug, of course, and talk about how Michael's going to have kids. Apparently that's the whole thing, and it's wicked important.

CREEPY AWFUL SCARY montage of Lisa Marie Presley being all in love with Michael Jackson in a park. It's just like Big Brother 4 when the mime snuck in and followed them around and scared the shit out of them. She acts all in love and shit. You know what? She might be crazier than him. Then they do it. Just kidding, no they don't. "I don't believe in sex before marriage." Or after puberty. That was mean, I'm sorry. She laughs and because she's so fucking hot for him, she's all, "Then marry me." He produces a ring OUT OF NOWHERE and she laughs, like, "Well, I've well and truly fucked myself now." She says that of course she wants to marry him. It's really uncomfortable, because obviously that's not how it happened, but there's no way this could be less awkward, when it did happen, so it's an approximation if how it happened, and it's horrible to be present for it. Then they kiss and I throw up, but just a little. Now they're making out. Holy Christ. I'm disturbed on a level I didn't know about before just now. "You're so beautiful..." he kind of groans. "Shut up and kiss me," she kind of implies, when she grabs him, and then they kiss some more. It's totally believable because they are so full of passion and love and heterosexuality.

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Do You Believe in Magic?

by Jacob Clifton August 17, 2004
Man in the Mirror: The Michael Jackson Story

"Wow, butterflies," she says, over fifteen different and unending shots of butterflies. They bond over how they had no childhoods and never had any fun or normal friends or anything. "We both grew up in the spotlight," he says, and she says, "You mean, blinded by the spotlight," and he's all like, "Um, Dan Kwa?" and she's all hmmm? because that makes no sense and she doesn't get why. It's all these weird half-remembered clichés that come out all strange and bad in the hands of this terrible writer. "You seem so normal," one or the other of them totally lies their ass off. "You're the only person in the world who thinks I'm normal." WORD. The end. "Yeah, well, to me, different IS normal." So they're made for each other. Except how they are both homosexuals. It's a big gay pride deal and everybody knows it and this isn't about the media or anything, I'm not trying to prove some kind of Bush point, I'm just saying: you're gay. Both of y'all. Shame on you for getting married. Shut the hell up. I hate this Lisa Marie character. Not even the real Lisa Marie Presley is this dumb. They bond some more and retread some shit they just said. They stare down at his crotch with amazement and half-whispered wows but it's because there's a butterfly on Lisa Marie's hand, so their love is Fate or something. This is retarded. "He landed on you because you're sweet," says Michael, because he can't think of anything less possibly sexual or more unthreatening. They both giggle crazily.

Cut to Michael yelling at Bobby how it's a match made in heaven because they Both Love Kids, and Music. I think he knows better than to mention the butterfly thing because Bobby would call bullshit so fast. "She makes me feel..." Fill in the blank. "Like a man?" asks Bobby. I burst out laughing. So does Michael. "God, no. Like I don't have to be anything." Huh? "Just me." Michael's all, will we live happily ever after? Bobby lies through his perfect, lovely teeth when he says he doesn't see why not. They hug, of course, and talk about how Michael's going to have kids. Apparently that's the whole thing, and it's wicked important.

CREEPY AWFUL SCARY montage of Lisa Marie Presley being all in love with Michael Jackson in a park. It's just like Big Brother 4 when the mime snuck in and followed them around and scared the shit out of them. She acts all in love and shit. You know what? She might be crazier than him. Then they do it. Just kidding, no they don't. "I don't believe in sex before marriage." Or after puberty. That was mean, I'm sorry. She laughs and because she's so fucking hot for him, she's all, "Then marry me." He produces a ring OUT OF NOWHERE and she laughs, like, "Well, I've well and truly fucked myself now." She says that of course she wants to marry him. It's really uncomfortable, because obviously that's not how it happened, but there's no way this could be less awkward, when it did happen, so it's an approximation if how it happened, and it's horrible to be present for it. Then they kiss and I throw up, but just a little. Now they're making out. Holy Christ. I'm disturbed on a level I didn't know about before just now. "You're so beautiful..." he kind of groans. "Shut up and kiss me," she kind of implies, when she grabs him, and then they kiss some more. It's totally believable because they are so full of passion and love and heterosexuality.

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