MONDO EXTRAS

Do You Believe in Magic?

by Jacob Clifton August 17, 2004
Man in the Mirror: The Michael Jackson Story

Michael steps out from behind a tree and Lisa thinks it's meant to be all romantic and kissing in the park like that time with the butterfly, but really he's just a kid playing in a water-gun fight with this other kid and this ticks her off and she goes inside to have a drink with some kids that came from nowhere. There's always like 15 kids hanging around the house all the time. WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS? Obviously not well-versed with parenting. So Lisa Marie asks them if they ever heard of Catherine the Great, who had to deal with a husband who wanted to play toy soldiers under the dining room table instead of sex, and who eventually may or may not have started having sex with actual horses as a result. Not really, that's just an example of what might have happened in this movie if anybody gave a crap. She asks one of the kids -- who's eating cereal out of a bowl as she says this -- if the kid is hungry. Even the kid's like, "I beg your pardon?" Oh, crap, they're her kids all of a sudden. Whatever, never mind. They beg her to go home and she's all sadly, "This is where we live now. Finish your dinner." Or should I make you some? Dinner? Or what? Do you eat with your child mouth, or is there some other...do you eat with little kid elbows, or...? I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT THE BRA IN THE ASS! she screams, and thankfully it's over as Michael wrestles with her kid on the floor in front of a fire and Lisa Marie and her daughter laugh. The other kid breaks what's left of MJ's nose and he and Lisa Marie converse through the mirror (three times as meaningful) about how she doesn't want him to do the HBO comeback performance thing that we've never heard about. "Michael, listen to me. We're you're family." And he's all, without my fans I'm nothing. Which, word. He stomps off and stares as she stares all mannish-thing in the mirror about what she's done to her life. Bobby asks if he's okay and Michael, in a moment of clarity, thinks the wedding was a mistake. "We shouldn't have brought her here, Bobby." Uh oh, I think maybe in MJ's crazy head she's starting to not believe anymore. And you know what happens to people that don't believe anymore, right? They get the hose again. "She doesn't believe in Neverland," he says sadly. And awesomely.

Okay, so none of that kissing on TV thing? OR the kissing interview? How sad. That's my favorite part! I kind of wish this were happening now so they could have a reality TV series about their marriage, but I also think that the kissing stuff pushed us all over the edge into crazy, and made that whole reality Nick and Jessica thing possible in the first place. Everything that rises must converge, y'all.

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Do You Believe in Magic?

by Jacob Clifton August 17, 2004
Man in the Mirror: The Michael Jackson Story

Michael steps out from behind a tree and Lisa thinks it's meant to be all romantic and kissing in the park like that time with the butterfly, but really he's just a kid playing in a water-gun fight with this other kid and this ticks her off and she goes inside to have a drink with some kids that came from nowhere. There's always like 15 kids hanging around the house all the time. WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS? Obviously not well-versed with parenting. So Lisa Marie asks them if they ever heard of Catherine the Great, who had to deal with a husband who wanted to play toy soldiers under the dining room table instead of sex, and who eventually may or may not have started having sex with actual horses as a result. Not really, that's just an example of what might have happened in this movie if anybody gave a crap. She asks one of the kids -- who's eating cereal out of a bowl as she says this -- if the kid is hungry. Even the kid's like, "I beg your pardon?" Oh, crap, they're her kids all of a sudden. Whatever, never mind. They beg her to go home and she's all sadly, "This is where we live now. Finish your dinner." Or should I make you some? Dinner? Or what? Do you eat with your child mouth, or is there some other...do you eat with little kid elbows, or...? I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT THE BRA IN THE ASS! she screams, and thankfully it's over as Michael wrestles with her kid on the floor in front of a fire and Lisa Marie and her daughter laugh. The other kid breaks what's left of MJ's nose and he and Lisa Marie converse through the mirror (three times as meaningful) about how she doesn't want him to do the HBO comeback performance thing that we've never heard about. "Michael, listen to me. We're you're family." And he's all, without my fans I'm nothing. Which, word. He stomps off and stares as she stares all mannish-thing in the mirror about what she's done to her life. Bobby asks if he's okay and Michael, in a moment of clarity, thinks the wedding was a mistake. "We shouldn't have brought her here, Bobby." Uh oh, I think maybe in MJ's crazy head she's starting to not believe anymore. And you know what happens to people that don't believe anymore, right? They get the hose again. "She doesn't believe in Neverland," he says sadly. And awesomely.

Okay, so none of that kissing on TV thing? OR the kissing interview? How sad. That's my favorite part! I kind of wish this were happening now so they could have a reality TV series about their marriage, but I also think that the kissing stuff pushed us all over the edge into crazy, and made that whole reality Nick and Jessica thing possible in the first place. Everything that rises must converge, y'all.

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