MONDO EXTRAS

Do You Believe in Magic?

by admin August 17, 2004
Man in the Mirror: The Michael Jackson Story

Screen-talk: Madison Square Gardens 2001 -- a celebrity-filled tribute to Michael and his astounding career. Which makes it sound even more ill-advised and preposterous and self-aggrandizing than it is, which is a feat. Michael should float a giant statue of himself down a river and make people pray to it. Oh, he already did that? Shit. Let me think. So anyway, Michael's dancing in white clothes with this strange leg armor and a cute pageboy. More of that endless fetishizing of the dancing. Between the voice and the dancing? I think Flex is excellent. And that's really the only part of the movie he can be held accountable for, the voice and the dancing, so okay. Dancing dancing dancing. Joe has some kind of ulcer or something. Flashbulbs and people screaming and the illusion of attendees. Michael and the now-elderly Jackson Four run offstage and it's hugs all around. "I want to remember this forever. What's the date?" Not sure about the date, but it's about don't be so frigging obvious o'clock. Because of course it's 10 September 2001. Which means, once again, actual news is conspiring to disrupt Michael Jackson's pathetic bids for publicity in a big way. Every time Michael thinks up some new retarded plan to get back his fame, people die horribly. Of course, when he tries to lay low, people risk their children's safety by putting them in his care, so either way we're all screwed, I guess.

Cut to the frigging towers blowing up. Fuck you, VH-1. Everybody cries and watches it happening, again. Because I guess the goal of everybody involved in television is to show that footage no matter how unrelated it is to the story so that it loses all power and becomes boring, or something. Or make their own shitty TV matter by sucking on the emotional trauma like a vampire. Keep trying, guys. I can't wait to see that footage again on something else as soon as this is over. Mom Jackson brings in Michael's incredibly Aryan children. They're not just blonde and blue-eyed, they're like -- the Midwich Cuckoos of the Village of the Damned. The whole family sits down to watch the footage because it's so awesome to make your mysterious white kids watch that. Michael and Mom both decide that this is Armageddon, the end of the world and the 144,000 and all that crap, and Michael says, "Start packing. We're going back to Neverland." Which is the only cool thing about this disgusting scene. Lots of unconvincing Michael monologue about how terrible it is, like that's going to prove he's a saint or childlike or something. He cries and cries and I think of smashing my TV. This is so fucking gross.

Now for a radical change in tone, as the reporter who's apparently the only reporter on TV shows up again, and refers to the third child as "the creatively-named Prince Michael the Second" which is funny because of the general worldwide snerk at this point in the real-life story. "Sources close to the Jackson family report that the newborn is referred to as 'Blanket'...which isn't much better." HA! Awesome. Even Bobby notices that this chick is the only person ever on TV: "What's up? She's on again?" Michael wigs out. "Now they're even making fun of my kid's name." This is the best part. "He's like a blanket. A blanket of love." I think if this movie keeps going like this I'll forgive everything. Well, not the 9/11 thing, but the rest of it? Scott-free.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26Next

Comments

Do You Believe in Magic?

by admin August 17, 2004
Man in the Mirror: The Michael Jackson Story

Screen-talk: Madison Square Gardens 2001 -- a celebrity-filled tribute to Michael and his astounding career. Which makes it sound even more ill-advised and preposterous and self-aggrandizing than it is, which is a feat. Michael should float a giant statue of himself down a river and make people pray to it. Oh, he already did that? Shit. Let me think. So anyway, Michael's dancing in white clothes with this strange leg armor and a cute pageboy. More of that endless fetishizing of the dancing. Between the voice and the dancing? I think Flex is excellent. And that's really the only part of the movie he can be held accountable for, the voice and the dancing, so okay. Dancing dancing dancing. Joe has some kind of ulcer or something. Flashbulbs and people screaming and the illusion of attendees. Michael and the now-elderly Jackson Four run offstage and it's hugs all around. "I want to remember this forever. What's the date?" Not sure about the date, but it's about don't be so frigging obvious o'clock. Because of course it's 10 September 2001. Which means, once again, actual news is conspiring to disrupt Michael Jackson's pathetic bids for publicity in a big way. Every time Michael thinks up some new retarded plan to get back his fame, people die horribly. Of course, when he tries to lay low, people risk their children's safety by putting them in his care, so either way we're all screwed, I guess.

Cut to the frigging towers blowing up. Fuck you, VH-1. Everybody cries and watches it happening, again. Because I guess the goal of everybody involved in television is to show that footage no matter how unrelated it is to the story so that it loses all power and becomes boring, or something. Or make their own shitty TV matter by sucking on the emotional trauma like a vampire. Keep trying, guys. I can't wait to see that footage again on something else as soon as this is over. Mom Jackson brings in Michael's incredibly Aryan children. They're not just blonde and blue-eyed, they're like -- the Midwich Cuckoos of the Village of the Damned. The whole family sits down to watch the footage because it's so awesome to make your mysterious white kids watch that. Michael and Mom both decide that this is Armageddon, the end of the world and the 144,000 and all that crap, and Michael says, "Start packing. We're going back to Neverland." Which is the only cool thing about this disgusting scene. Lots of unconvincing Michael monologue about how terrible it is, like that's going to prove he's a saint or childlike or something. He cries and cries and I think of smashing my TV. This is so fucking gross.

Now for a radical change in tone, as the reporter who's apparently the only reporter on TV shows up again, and refers to the third child as "the creatively-named Prince Michael the Second" which is funny because of the general worldwide snerk at this point in the real-life story. "Sources close to the Jackson family report that the newborn is referred to as 'Blanket'...which isn't much better." HA! Awesome. Even Bobby notices that this chick is the only person ever on TV: "What's up? She's on again?" Michael wigs out. "Now they're even making fun of my kid's name." This is the best part. "He's like a blanket. A blanket of love." I think if this movie keeps going like this I'll forgive everything. Well, not the 9/11 thing, but the rest of it? Scott-free.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26Next

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP

<