MONDO EXTRAS

Do You Believe in Magic?

by Jacob Clifton August 17, 2004
Man in the Mirror: The Michael Jackson Story

So all of a sudden Neverland's complete and he's moving in. For some reason everyone's cheering for him. "Way to go! You have a bajillion dollars and bought something stupid with it! Woo!" He's still got the glove and white cowboy shirt happening and it's still weird. This is so fucking artsy. Screen-talk: "A dream come true," no punctuation, less waiting, and so we're swooping into Neverland now. The screen-talk is fucking egregious. They drive, and Michael serves up a big old helping of crazy to his wildly indulgent security guard and only friend, Bobby. "Everything's really coming along. See I've got my carousel, I got my Ferris wheel, I even brought my rock from the house." It's very fucking Amy Poehler, this scene. "Oh, this is all yours, kid," grins Bobby. This guy must fucking hate his job. Crazy? Who said? You're not crazy. You're just differently saned. "And my bumper cars, the bumpers are...they're so much fun!" Michael's totally weirding me out here, because you can say you love bumper cars, but he, like, loves bumper cars. They're like his Buffy. It renders your bumper-car love meaningless. "I like bumper cars," Bobby says agreeably. Like when the person in front of you at the supermarket is talky with the checker and you can see them desperately trying to give the crazy what they want. "I love my bumper cars." WE KNOW! They pass some flamingos. "Oh, they're so pretty!" Criminy. You're so fucking insane. This is...you're insane, Michael Jackson. I believe in you and your craziness. And yes, the flamingos are very pretty. You insane freak. A train goes by with random people -- are they extras? Did Michael hire extras? For his house? That rules. I'm totally doing that. Thanks for the hint, MJ. "I even got my train!" Bobby's like, oh, uh-huh? "Slow down!" There's a lion. It's all so fucked up. You're on safari in your yard. Just quit it. Back at the house, the staff welcomes him to Neverland. The cooks, who we'll never see again, and who Michael is forced to remind he's a vegetarian -- that's so naive, I'm sure it happened. Like the job application didn't consist entirely of: 1) You will keep your trap shut forever about what goes on in this house of horrors. True or false? and 2) Michael Jackson is a vegetarian and lives mostly on dew sipped from the petals of beautiful flowers where fairies have slept the night away, dreaming of camels and rainbows and fruit leather. True or false?

Ziggy introduces the new maid, Sara. She's got quite the accent. And...a son. Oh, dear. "Hi, you're famous," says the son. All of the little boys in this movie that eventually cause Michael's downfall are, like, preternaturally wise beyond their years. It's creepy. They should have written these kids as kids, instead of as Ruthie Camdens. Michael does this weird dance with his head darting all around and says, "Am I?" Then he starts saying the kind of thing I've not been looking forward to: "You know what? If your mom says it's okay…" And I'm like, stop right there, all right? I want a movie that ROCKS. "We can have cotton candy for dinner and we can have snow cones for dessert, and we can have marshmallows that we put chocolate on, and truffles..." and then we can have the paramedics come and pump our stomachs and shoot us up with insulin! Won't that be fun? The kid's into it. Sara, not wanting to get fired in the first five minutes, is like, whatever. Please don't kill mi hijo. Michael runs off to show her son all the amazing stuff of Neverland just like he just did with Bobby, who's all starry-eyed: "I've never seen Michael this happy before." And I'm like, of course not. He just purchased a house and a little child, on the same day -- equally exciting -- and his dad's not here to call him a fucking freak. He's actually never been this happy before. Ziggy's like, yeah it's great that he's happy, but what about the confidentiality agreements? They've all been signed. Great.

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Do You Believe in Magic?

by Jacob Clifton August 17, 2004
Man in the Mirror: The Michael Jackson Story

So all of a sudden Neverland's complete and he's moving in. For some reason everyone's cheering for him. "Way to go! You have a bajillion dollars and bought something stupid with it! Woo!" He's still got the glove and white cowboy shirt happening and it's still weird. This is so fucking artsy. Screen-talk: "A dream come true," no punctuation, less waiting, and so we're swooping into Neverland now. The screen-talk is fucking egregious. They drive, and Michael serves up a big old helping of crazy to his wildly indulgent security guard and only friend, Bobby. "Everything's really coming along. See I've got my carousel, I got my Ferris wheel, I even brought my rock from the house." It's very fucking Amy Poehler, this scene. "Oh, this is all yours, kid," grins Bobby. This guy must fucking hate his job. Crazy? Who said? You're not crazy. You're just differently saned. "And my bumper cars, the bumpers are...they're so much fun!" Michael's totally weirding me out here, because you can say you love bumper cars, but he, like, loves bumper cars. They're like his Buffy. It renders your bumper-car love meaningless. "I like bumper cars," Bobby says agreeably. Like when the person in front of you at the supermarket is talky with the checker and you can see them desperately trying to give the crazy what they want. "I love my bumper cars." WE KNOW! They pass some flamingos. "Oh, they're so pretty!" Criminy. You're so fucking insane. This is...you're insane, Michael Jackson. I believe in you and your craziness. And yes, the flamingos are very pretty. You insane freak. A train goes by with random people -- are they extras? Did Michael hire extras? For his house? That rules. I'm totally doing that. Thanks for the hint, MJ. "I even got my train!" Bobby's like, oh, uh-huh? "Slow down!" There's a lion. It's all so fucked up. You're on safari in your yard. Just quit it. Back at the house, the staff welcomes him to Neverland. The cooks, who we'll never see again, and who Michael is forced to remind he's a vegetarian -- that's so naive, I'm sure it happened. Like the job application didn't consist entirely of: 1) You will keep your trap shut forever about what goes on in this house of horrors. True or false? and 2) Michael Jackson is a vegetarian and lives mostly on dew sipped from the petals of beautiful flowers where fairies have slept the night away, dreaming of camels and rainbows and fruit leather. True or false?

Ziggy introduces the new maid, Sara. She's got quite the accent. And...a son. Oh, dear. "Hi, you're famous," says the son. All of the little boys in this movie that eventually cause Michael's downfall are, like, preternaturally wise beyond their years. It's creepy. They should have written these kids as kids, instead of as Ruthie Camdens. Michael does this weird dance with his head darting all around and says, "Am I?" Then he starts saying the kind of thing I've not been looking forward to: "You know what? If your mom says it's okay…" And I'm like, stop right there, all right? I want a movie that ROCKS. "We can have cotton candy for dinner and we can have snow cones for dessert, and we can have marshmallows that we put chocolate on, and truffles..." and then we can have the paramedics come and pump our stomachs and shoot us up with insulin! Won't that be fun? The kid's into it. Sara, not wanting to get fired in the first five minutes, is like, whatever. Please don't kill mi hijo. Michael runs off to show her son all the amazing stuff of Neverland just like he just did with Bobby, who's all starry-eyed: "I've never seen Michael this happy before." And I'm like, of course not. He just purchased a house and a little child, on the same day -- equally exciting -- and his dad's not here to call him a fucking freak. He's actually never been this happy before. Ziggy's like, yeah it's great that he's happy, but what about the confidentiality agreements? They've all been signed. Great.

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