MONDO EXTRAS

Amanda's. She's telling Jake in no uncertain terms that she really doesn't want to let Linda Gray explain shit to her. She's also wearing a skirt that goes up to her armpits, paired with a cropped, striped cardigan. I don't know. "This is not your business, Jake," she says, and reminds him that he wasn't there when she was a little kid crying on her bed for her mother: "And no way did you have the right to invite that woman into my home! You stepped way, way over the line." Jake wonders what he was supposed to do -- slam the door in Linda Gray's plastic little face? "Why not? You know how I feel about her. Why do you care if I make up with her? What is it? I'm not good enough the way I am? You have jump in and make me cozy with my mommy? Make me a little softer?" Heather Locklear just rules. "What did you think? That I'd go, 'Oh, thank you for making me all whole again'?" she asks. Jake is all, "What is your problem? She told me you were working together." Amanda points out that Linda Gray is a big fat liar. I have to say, these two are believable as a couple in a way I didn't get when I was nineteen. Amanda finally tells him, "Jake, I have opened up to you. That is not something I do easily. Hell, it's not something I do at all. Because I can't stand being hurt. I can't stand it." Jake sort of rolls his eyes and comes toward Amanda to hug her, and she backs up and tells him she's told him things that are PRIVATE and she just wants him to respect her feelings. Jake promises he will: "Amanda, come on." She tells him that she never wants him to mention her mother ever again. And so he tells her that HIS mom is a drunk, and he doesn't even know where his dad is, but he'd still like to talk to his dad if he could and try to understand him better: "Because, good or bad, he's a part of me. She's your mother, Amanda, you can't run away from that." Jake, so sensitive! I forgot how thoughtful you are, behind that manly exterior. Although now that I think about it, who could forget how kind you were to little Kelly Taylor when she had a crush on you while you were building the gazebo for her mother's wedding to Mel Silver?

Remember how Michael kicked Sydney out? She's showing up at Jane's for help, which is so not going to happen because of course Sydney stole Michael from Jane -- her own sister! -- in the first place, or something...although I think I am fuzzy on those details, frankly. Whatever she did, it was inappropriate. She definitely wore Jane's wedding dress when she married Michael, though. Or she was going to, until she and Jane wrestled over it and fell into the pool together. So it's unlikely that Jane will lend her a hand here. On the other hand, I guess it's possible that Jane will help her out because Jane is a pushover and also a moron. Anyway, Jane is so not happy to see her sister. Sydney wonders, tearfully, if they could talk. "No, Syd, we can't," Jane says. This is the one time in seven years that woman has a backbone. Sydney heaves a huge sigh. "Oh, for GOD'S SAKE, SYDNEY," Jane yells. Sydney yells back, "I can't help it! You don't know what's been happening! It's a nightmare. Kimberly is alive! I saw her!" Jane rolls her eyes: "Are you out of your MIND?" "No!" Sydney squeals. "Her mom told everybody she kicked the bucket, just so Michael would stay away." Jane sighs, and notes that this story is totally bizarre. "Yeah, like Night of the Living Dead or something and Michael kicked me out and he wants a divorce and GOD, everything is FALLING APART," Sydney wails. Jane remains very calm: "That's the problem, Syd. Blackmail isn't a very good building block for a relationship." Sydney's reaction is a very sincere "you're right," like she'd never even thought about that, and then she says, "You were right all along and I know I've been horrible. Can I stay with you for a little while?" Jane refuses: "I would rather set fire to myself first." "Please, Jane?" Sydney begs. "I really need somebody. Michael kicked me out like he never even cared." Jane: "He probably didn't. And honestly, neither do I anymore." She calmly sips her coffee. "Dammit, Jane, will you help me?" Sydney sobs. "I'm having a nervous breakdown!" Jane just smirks a little bit: "And I wish you would have it someplace else." She slams the door right in Sydney's face. Fantastic.