MONDO EXTRAS

A little backstory for those of you who may not remember, or didn't know: Kimberly was allegedly killed in a car accident and we all thought she was, you know, of the dead. See, she and Michael got engaged, and then they got hammered, and then Michael decided to drive, and then they crashed, and then Kimberly supposedly died, and then Sydney found out that Michael had been driving drunk and that he somehow talked Gay Matt into futzing the blood alcohol level results from Michael's blood test because Gay Matt is like Michael's only friend and is totally in love with him (you know, in the subtext), and then Sydney blackmailed Michael into marrying her and the only person who came to the wedding was Gay Matt, mostly because everyone hated Sydney because it was really sort of shitty of her to marry her sister's ex-husband even if she did have to threaten him with jail time to do it.

Anyway. "It sounds really good," Michael tells Sydney, throwing his coffee cup gaily onto the sand. Sydney tells him she'll be home late tonight, but right after she fucks her last john, she and Michael are gonna start a new life together: "With me taking care of you." Yeah, good luck with that. They start making out, and Michael opens his eyes for a moment and sees...KIMBERLY STANDING ON THE DECK OF THE BEACH HOUSE! He blinks hard, and shakes his head. "No, it couldn't be!" he says. Sydney is all, "Are you all right?" and he looks at her, distracted, and then when he looks back to the deck, Kimberly is gone. Oh man, Michael. Kimberly saw you kissing Sydney and she is gonna kill the two of you, because, although you don't know it yet, she kinda came back from the dead wrong. Like, baby-stealing, multiple-personality-having, black-market-lobotomy-giving wrong. Anyway, Michael goes back to kissing Sydney, but he does have the presence of mind to look very perturbed over her shoulder.

Wilshire Memorial Hospital. Michael and Gay Matt are walking and talking and Gay Matt, it must be said, has, like, incredibly floppy hair, and although I didn't realize it until this exact moment, this is the exact same floppy haircut that the boy I was totally in love with in college also had, although that boy was not gay. He was in the marching band, though. Anyway. "It's like a Stephen King novel," says Michael. "I'm starting to see Kimberly everywhere." Gay Matt looks disturbed, most likely because he hasn't had a proper storyline in at least two years. Michael wonders if he might be cracking up: "My conscience must be bothering me." "You don't have one of those," Gay Matt wisely notes. "Well, then what is it?" Michael asks. "Why now?" That's another example of how Thomas Calabro is a total genius -- how he is completely deadpan in his acknowledgement of his lack of a conscience. He wonders if Kimberly could possibly be alive. Gay Matt assures him that it's impossible for Kimberly to be alive. Since Michael's car, you know, blew up and whatnot when he crashed it in his drunken stupor. Gay Matt's pretty sure that Michael is just stressed out: "After all, you and Sydney had a fairly exhausting courtship, right?" Yes, being blackmailed into marriage is pretty exhausting. Michael agrees that this is, in fact, true. He just needs to get some sleep and everything will be JUST FINE.