MONDO EXTRAS

Melrose Place: "The Bitch Is Back"

by Jessica October 1, 2005
Melrose Place: “The Bitch Is Back”

Remember how Michael kicked Sydney out? She's showing up at Jane's for help, which is so not going to happen because of course Sydney stole Michael from Jane -- her own sister! -- in the first place, or something...although I think I am fuzzy on those details, frankly. Whatever she did, it was inappropriate. She definitely wore Jane's wedding dress when she married Michael, though. Or she was going to, until she and Jane wrestled over it and fell into the pool together. So it's unlikely that Jane will lend her a hand here. On the other hand, I guess it's possible that Jane will help her out because Jane is a pushover and also a moron. Anyway, Jane is so not happy to see her sister. Sydney wonders, tearfully, if they could talk. "No, Syd, we can't," Jane says. This is the one time in seven years that woman has a backbone. Sydney heaves a huge sigh. "Oh, for GOD'S SAKE, SYDNEY," Jane yells. Sydney yells back, "I can't help it! You don't know what's been happening! It's a nightmare. Kimberly is alive! I saw her!" Jane rolls her eyes: "Are you out of your MIND?" "No!" Sydney squeals. "Her mom told everybody she kicked the bucket, just so Michael would stay away." Jane sighs, and notes that this story is totally bizarre. "Yeah, like Night of the Living Dead or something and Michael kicked me out and he wants a divorce and GOD, everything is FALLING APART," Sydney wails. Jane remains very calm: "That's the problem, Syd. Blackmail isn't a very good building block for a relationship." Sydney's reaction is a very sincere "you're right," like she'd never even thought about that, and then she says, "You were right all along and I know I've been horrible. Can I stay with you for a little while?" Jane refuses: "I would rather set fire to myself first." "Please, Jane?" Sydney begs. "I really need somebody. Michael kicked me out like he never even cared." Jane: "He probably didn't. And honestly, neither do I anymore." She calmly sips her coffee. "Dammit, Jane, will you help me?" Sydney sobs. "I'm having a nervous breakdown!" Jane just smirks a little bit: "And I wish you would have it someplace else." She slams the door right in Sydney's face. Fantastic.

Jo is back at the beach, and this time, so is Models Inc employee Sarah. And she's wearing palazzo pants! With an elastic waist! And a crop top! And she's got bruises around her neck like someone tried to choke a bitch out. Jo: concerned. Sarah: just fell on the stairs in her apartment, by which she means, of course, that she's living with an abusive boyfriend. Duh, we all saw the 90210 where Ray Pruit With One T Because That's All His Mama Could Afford threw Donna Martin down the stairs. Jo makes worried faces.

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Melrose Place: "The Bitch Is Back"

by Jessica October 1, 2005
Melrose Place: “The Bitch Is Back”

Remember how Michael kicked Sydney out? She's showing up at Jane's for help, which is so not going to happen because of course Sydney stole Michael from Jane -- her own sister! -- in the first place, or something...although I think I am fuzzy on those details, frankly. Whatever she did, it was inappropriate. She definitely wore Jane's wedding dress when she married Michael, though. Or she was going to, until she and Jane wrestled over it and fell into the pool together. So it's unlikely that Jane will lend her a hand here. On the other hand, I guess it's possible that Jane will help her out because Jane is a pushover and also a moron. Anyway, Jane is so not happy to see her sister. Sydney wonders, tearfully, if they could talk. "No, Syd, we can't," Jane says. This is the one time in seven years that woman has a backbone. Sydney heaves a huge sigh. "Oh, for GOD'S SAKE, SYDNEY," Jane yells. Sydney yells back, "I can't help it! You don't know what's been happening! It's a nightmare. Kimberly is alive! I saw her!" Jane rolls her eyes: "Are you out of your MIND?" "No!" Sydney squeals. "Her mom told everybody she kicked the bucket, just so Michael would stay away." Jane sighs, and notes that this story is totally bizarre. "Yeah, like Night of the Living Dead or something and Michael kicked me out and he wants a divorce and GOD, everything is FALLING APART," Sydney wails. Jane remains very calm: "That's the problem, Syd. Blackmail isn't a very good building block for a relationship." Sydney's reaction is a very sincere "you're right," like she'd never even thought about that, and then she says, "You were right all along and I know I've been horrible. Can I stay with you for a little while?" Jane refuses: "I would rather set fire to myself first." "Please, Jane?" Sydney begs. "I really need somebody. Michael kicked me out like he never even cared." Jane: "He probably didn't. And honestly, neither do I anymore." She calmly sips her coffee. "Dammit, Jane, will you help me?" Sydney sobs. "I'm having a nervous breakdown!" Jane just smirks a little bit: "And I wish you would have it someplace else." She slams the door right in Sydney's face. Fantastic.

Jo is back at the beach, and this time, so is Models Inc employee Sarah. And she's wearing palazzo pants! With an elastic waist! And a crop top! And she's got bruises around her neck like someone tried to choke a bitch out. Jo: concerned. Sarah: just fell on the stairs in her apartment, by which she means, of course, that she's living with an abusive boyfriend. Duh, we all saw the 90210 where Ray Pruit With One T Because That's All His Mama Could Afford threw Donna Martin down the stairs. Jo makes worried faces.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13Next

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