MONDO EXTRAS

Melrose Place: "The Bitch Is Back"

by Jessica October 1, 2005
Melrose Place: “The Bitch Is Back”

And we cut, mercifully, to Sydney and my one true love, Dr. Michael Mancini, strolling in front of his beach house. There is no male character in the Spelling oeuvre that I love more than Dr. Michael Mancini. Thomas Calabro is seriously SO BRILLIANT in this role, so smarmy and amusing and such an unrepentant ass, and I have no idea why he's not working right this minute. I find him totally hilarious and I want to have his babies. Anyway, he's all talking about what a gorgeous day it is, and Sydney is kissing his ass, as usual. "I've been thinking, you're right," Sydney says, and Michael smarms that he's always right, and Sydney then utters the line, "I've been thinking about getting out of the hooker business, for good," and that is why this is the best show ever. Remember when Sydney was a stripper and then she was a hooker and then the madam -- played by Hope "Fancy Face" Brady from Days of Our Lives back before she turned into Skeletor -- got thrown into jail and somehow Sydney took over the prostitution ring and then when Fancy Face got out of jail, she totally stole the whole dang prostitution ring back from Sydney and then Sydney was just another sad and out-of-work whore? That was fun. Anyway, Sydney promises Michael that she has to throw one more party, but that's it: "I'll just be a doctor's wife and take care of you full-time. How's that?" Michael wraps his arms around her and says that no one has ever done that for him before and I just remembered that in the episode before this one, the last moment was a shot of Kimberly standing alone on the beach in the dark, staring at the beach house threateningly, and that was the first time we knew she was even ALIVE much less back and, you know, better than ever and all, and so, throughout this entire scene, we all knew she was making her way back to Michael and that poor stupid Sydney's happiness was once again totally doomed.

A little backstory for those of you who may not remember, or didn't know: Kimberly was allegedly killed in a car accident and we all thought she was, you know, of the dead. See, she and Michael got engaged, and then they got hammered, and then Michael decided to drive, and then they crashed, and then Kimberly supposedly died, and then Sydney found out that Michael had been driving drunk and that he somehow talked Gay Matt into futzing the blood alcohol level results from Michael's blood test because Gay Matt is like Michael's only friend and is totally in love with him (you know, in the subtext), and then Sydney blackmailed Michael into marrying her and the only person who came to the wedding was Gay Matt, mostly because everyone hated Sydney because it was really sort of shitty of her to marry her sister's ex-husband even if she did have to threaten him with jail time to do it.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13Next

Comments

Melrose Place: "The Bitch Is Back"

by Jessica October 1, 2005
Melrose Place: “The Bitch Is Back”

And we cut, mercifully, to Sydney and my one true love, Dr. Michael Mancini, strolling in front of his beach house. There is no male character in the Spelling oeuvre that I love more than Dr. Michael Mancini. Thomas Calabro is seriously SO BRILLIANT in this role, so smarmy and amusing and such an unrepentant ass, and I have no idea why he's not working right this minute. I find him totally hilarious and I want to have his babies. Anyway, he's all talking about what a gorgeous day it is, and Sydney is kissing his ass, as usual. "I've been thinking, you're right," Sydney says, and Michael smarms that he's always right, and Sydney then utters the line, "I've been thinking about getting out of the hooker business, for good," and that is why this is the best show ever. Remember when Sydney was a stripper and then she was a hooker and then the madam -- played by Hope "Fancy Face" Brady from Days of Our Lives back before she turned into Skeletor -- got thrown into jail and somehow Sydney took over the prostitution ring and then when Fancy Face got out of jail, she totally stole the whole dang prostitution ring back from Sydney and then Sydney was just another sad and out-of-work whore? That was fun. Anyway, Sydney promises Michael that she has to throw one more party, but that's it: "I'll just be a doctor's wife and take care of you full-time. How's that?" Michael wraps his arms around her and says that no one has ever done that for him before and I just remembered that in the episode before this one, the last moment was a shot of Kimberly standing alone on the beach in the dark, staring at the beach house threateningly, and that was the first time we knew she was even ALIVE much less back and, you know, better than ever and all, and so, throughout this entire scene, we all knew she was making her way back to Michael and that poor stupid Sydney's happiness was once again totally doomed.

A little backstory for those of you who may not remember, or didn't know: Kimberly was allegedly killed in a car accident and we all thought she was, you know, of the dead. See, she and Michael got engaged, and then they got hammered, and then Michael decided to drive, and then they crashed, and then Kimberly supposedly died, and then Sydney found out that Michael had been driving drunk and that he somehow talked Gay Matt into futzing the blood alcohol level results from Michael's blood test because Gay Matt is like Michael's only friend and is totally in love with him (you know, in the subtext), and then Sydney blackmailed Michael into marrying her and the only person who came to the wedding was Gay Matt, mostly because everyone hated Sydney because it was really sort of shitty of her to marry her sister's ex-husband even if she did have to threaten him with jail time to do it.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13Next

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP