MONDO EXTRAS

Parents just don't understand

by Sobell February 23, 2006
Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?

Because she cannot call her daughter, Mother now stalks the campus looking for evidence to back up her sense that Kevin's no good. A long montage later, she manages to corner him and ask where Laurel is. He lies, "If I see her --" and Mother snaps, "Don't give me that nonsense. You know perfectly well where she is." Honestly, is there anyone Kevin can con? Beyond the vapid Laurel, I mean? And then Mother calls him on being a fraud. Kevin grins from under his Cro-Magnon brow and smugs, "Laurel listens to me now. Laurel and I are in love. Both of us would rather die than let you come between that love." "Come between that love"? Good thing Kevin wasn't trying to pass himself off as a fluent English speaker.

Cut to Laurel and Kevin by the fire. She's yammering nervously about how she'd like him to cook for Mother, and he points out that she seems to have come down with a slight case of anorexia. Then he lies about how Mother called to talk about Laurel's eating disorder. Laurel's pissed that Mother spilled, and Kevin's all, "I had to tell you. Because how else could I drive a wedge between you and your mother?" The wedge in place, Laurel decides to sleep with danger without asking Mother first.

What Kevin didn't realize is that he crossed one mean Mother. She's now back on campus, interviewing Laurel's ex-roommate Maisy, the dean's office, anyone who can rat out Kevin. Mother asks Maisy, "Do you think I'm crazy? Am I jumping to wild conclusions?" and her delivery is so uncannily like Margaret Dumont's, I do a double-take. I wish Margaret Dumont were playing Mother -- then Groucho Marx would be playing Kevin and Harpo Marx would be playing Laurel and Zeppo would be playing the real Kevin Shane. And this would be a much more entertaining movie. There would be less murder and more intentional comedy, anyway. Maisy's all, "Look, he's a creepy loner. Sorry!"

Back at the love shack, Kevin's busy breaking Laurel's car so she can't get to class and she can stay with him forever and ever and ever. Laurel tries to start her car later, fails to get it going, then flounces down the road in massively stonewashed jeans and incredibly impractical shoes.

When we see her next, Laurel's riding a bike with Piney, carping that she had to walk two miles uphill in the snow to get to a pay phone, and she missed a class. Piney's all, "You really need to get out of the woods and hang out with actual humans again." Laurel sighs that she can't, and Piney sighs that Laurel was a lot more fun before her obsessive, creepy boyfriend began monopolizing her time. Speak of the devil...Kevin's lurking over on a corner, and wow, does he seem pissed to see that's Laurel's escaped from the back 40. As Laurel gets through to the phone company, Kevin lurches on over. Before he can get there, Laurel gets the news that Kevin was a lying liar who lied about the phone: "There was no phone order! He never put in the phone order!" The outrage jump-starts some formerly inert area of Laurel's cerebral cortex and she wails, "He lied to me! And I know he messed with my car! All he wants to do is keep me a prisoner." Then she collapses in Piney's arms. From across the street, Kevin watches in horror, thinking, "I must keep her a prisoner!"

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Parents just don't understand

by Sobell February 23, 2006
Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?

Because she cannot call her daughter, Mother now stalks the campus looking for evidence to back up her sense that Kevin's no good. A long montage later, she manages to corner him and ask where Laurel is. He lies, "If I see her --" and Mother snaps, "Don't give me that nonsense. You know perfectly well where she is." Honestly, is there anyone Kevin can con? Beyond the vapid Laurel, I mean? And then Mother calls him on being a fraud. Kevin grins from under his Cro-Magnon brow and smugs, "Laurel listens to me now. Laurel and I are in love. Both of us would rather die than let you come between that love." "Come between that love"? Good thing Kevin wasn't trying to pass himself off as a fluent English speaker.

Cut to Laurel and Kevin by the fire. She's yammering nervously about how she'd like him to cook for Mother, and he points out that she seems to have come down with a slight case of anorexia. Then he lies about how Mother called to talk about Laurel's eating disorder. Laurel's pissed that Mother spilled, and Kevin's all, "I had to tell you. Because how else could I drive a wedge between you and your mother?" The wedge in place, Laurel decides to sleep with danger without asking Mother first.

What Kevin didn't realize is that he crossed one mean Mother. She's now back on campus, interviewing Laurel's ex-roommate Maisy, the dean's office, anyone who can rat out Kevin. Mother asks Maisy, "Do you think I'm crazy? Am I jumping to wild conclusions?" and her delivery is so uncannily like Margaret Dumont's, I do a double-take. I wish Margaret Dumont were playing Mother -- then Groucho Marx would be playing Kevin and Harpo Marx would be playing Laurel and Zeppo would be playing the real Kevin Shane. And this would be a much more entertaining movie. There would be less murder and more intentional comedy, anyway. Maisy's all, "Look, he's a creepy loner. Sorry!"

Back at the love shack, Kevin's busy breaking Laurel's car so she can't get to class and she can stay with him forever and ever and ever. Laurel tries to start her car later, fails to get it going, then flounces down the road in massively stonewashed jeans and incredibly impractical shoes.

When we see her next, Laurel's riding a bike with Piney, carping that she had to walk two miles uphill in the snow to get to a pay phone, and she missed a class. Piney's all, "You really need to get out of the woods and hang out with actual humans again." Laurel sighs that she can't, and Piney sighs that Laurel was a lot more fun before her obsessive, creepy boyfriend began monopolizing her time. Speak of the devil...Kevin's lurking over on a corner, and wow, does he seem pissed to see that's Laurel's escaped from the back 40. As Laurel gets through to the phone company, Kevin lurches on over. Before he can get there, Laurel gets the news that Kevin was a lying liar who lied about the phone: "There was no phone order! He never put in the phone order!" The outrage jump-starts some formerly inert area of Laurel's cerebral cortex and she wails, "He lied to me! And I know he messed with my car! All he wants to do is keep me a prisoner." Then she collapses in Piney's arms. From across the street, Kevin watches in horror, thinking, "I must keep her a prisoner!"

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15Next

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