MONDO EXTRAS

Parents just don't understand

by Sobell February 23, 2006
Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?

Cut to Billy/Kevin trying to clear up some mess concerning something with his credit card. When the drone on the other end of the phone asks for his mother's maiden name, he has to consult a flow chart to verify. At least Billy/Kevin's a thorough liar. We find out that he's trying to see what the most recent charges on "his" card are so he can hunt down the real Kevin Shane.

The next day at the Motor Inn in Seattle -- what? You've never heard of it? Zagat's calls it "generic," and "possibly actually set in Canada, since most film-making is there." Although guests often dub the service "adequate," they do warn to "watch out for the lurching guy with the ledge of hair over his monobrow." Too bad the Real Kevin never read Zagat's because there's Billy now. Awww! It's an imposter-and-child reunion.

Kevin's all, "Hey! Boy, am I not glad to see you at all." There's a little awkward badinage about how Billy's in Seattle to get a world-class education, Kevin establishes that he won't be the world's most sympathetic victim when he says, "Heh. Never would have pegged you as the college type" -- possibly because he intuited that Billy will likely be finishing up his degree courtesy of the prison education system -- and then Kevin hands Billy a gold-plated excuse to come into his room by asking him to fetch his luggage. Billy fetches a tire iron while he's at it.

So then they're in the hotel room and Billy's saying, "You didn't even hang around for the grad bash," and his tone of voice suggests that maybe he's actually nursing a grudge because Kevin stood him up lo those many years ago. The real Kevin says sadly, "After my family died, I just packed up my Jeep and left." Ah, so the Shanes did end up smeared all over a mountain in Austria. I had thought Billy/Kevin was lying about that too, what with him being a lying liar who lies. Anyway, Billy/Kevin awkwardly cheers, "All right! The man is back!" right after Real Kevin takes off his shirt. You know, Billy should really just ditch Laurel and admit his true feelings. Real Kevin informs him, "I'm going to hit the shower," and as he saunters off, Billy closes the door. You know, if people were just coming into this movie, they'd be all, "So what is this, Rainier Mountain? I just can't quit you, Kevin Shane?"

Anyway, Billy/Kevin wanders into the bathroom, and apparently Real Kevin is really cool with the idea of showering while acquaintances from high school lurk on the toilet, because he asks about whatever happened to that blonde girl, Erin Meadows. Billy/Kevin replies, "Beats me." No, silly -- you beat her, remember? Kevin was all, "You sure you don't know? Because I seem to remember you trying to get into her shorts," like it's only occurring to him now that maybe he should suss out his little bathroom audience's proclivities. Anyway, Real Kevin asks Billy to fetch his shampoo, and Billy fetches him a blow to the head with the tire iron instead. That is like Johnson & Johnson's "All Tears" formula, isn't it?

While this is going on, Mother is having some sort of hen party in her loft. Laurel comes in to rescue her from the cake-icing task, and the two women bond over Mother's ineptitude with a spatula. Then Laurel has to ruin the moment by mooning, "I miss Kevin." Yes, I can see where having a Cro-Magnon giant whine, "I love yooooooou" any time you try to leave his sight would be addictive. Mother is like, "Oh, speaking of the little liar who lies...do you even know this lurching creep?" Laurel simpers, "What's to know? He's the boy I love and want to be with." Laurel, if your biggest criteria for a relationship is your pal's ability to hang around you nonstop, consider getting a tapeworm instead. Mother points out that Kevin is a lying liar who lies. Laurel wanly says, "He's a little insecure and he tends to embellish." Mother smacks Laurel down for criminal understatement, and Laurel gets worked up that Mother's snooping.

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Parents just don't understand

by Sobell February 23, 2006
Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?

Cut to Billy/Kevin trying to clear up some mess concerning something with his credit card. When the drone on the other end of the phone asks for his mother's maiden name, he has to consult a flow chart to verify. At least Billy/Kevin's a thorough liar. We find out that he's trying to see what the most recent charges on "his" card are so he can hunt down the real Kevin Shane.

The next day at the Motor Inn in Seattle -- what? You've never heard of it? Zagat's calls it "generic," and "possibly actually set in Canada, since most film-making is there." Although guests often dub the service "adequate," they do warn to "watch out for the lurching guy with the ledge of hair over his monobrow." Too bad the Real Kevin never read Zagat's because there's Billy now. Awww! It's an imposter-and-child reunion.

Kevin's all, "Hey! Boy, am I not glad to see you at all." There's a little awkward badinage about how Billy's in Seattle to get a world-class education, Kevin establishes that he won't be the world's most sympathetic victim when he says, "Heh. Never would have pegged you as the college type" -- possibly because he intuited that Billy will likely be finishing up his degree courtesy of the prison education system -- and then Kevin hands Billy a gold-plated excuse to come into his room by asking him to fetch his luggage. Billy fetches a tire iron while he's at it.

So then they're in the hotel room and Billy's saying, "You didn't even hang around for the grad bash," and his tone of voice suggests that maybe he's actually nursing a grudge because Kevin stood him up lo those many years ago. The real Kevin says sadly, "After my family died, I just packed up my Jeep and left." Ah, so the Shanes did end up smeared all over a mountain in Austria. I had thought Billy/Kevin was lying about that too, what with him being a lying liar who lies. Anyway, Billy/Kevin awkwardly cheers, "All right! The man is back!" right after Real Kevin takes off his shirt. You know, Billy should really just ditch Laurel and admit his true feelings. Real Kevin informs him, "I'm going to hit the shower," and as he saunters off, Billy closes the door. You know, if people were just coming into this movie, they'd be all, "So what is this, Rainier Mountain? I just can't quit you, Kevin Shane?"

Anyway, Billy/Kevin wanders into the bathroom, and apparently Real Kevin is really cool with the idea of showering while acquaintances from high school lurk on the toilet, because he asks about whatever happened to that blonde girl, Erin Meadows. Billy/Kevin replies, "Beats me." No, silly -- you beat her, remember? Kevin was all, "You sure you don't know? Because I seem to remember you trying to get into her shorts," like it's only occurring to him now that maybe he should suss out his little bathroom audience's proclivities. Anyway, Real Kevin asks Billy to fetch his shampoo, and Billy fetches him a blow to the head with the tire iron instead. That is like Johnson & Johnson's "All Tears" formula, isn't it?

While this is going on, Mother is having some sort of hen party in her loft. Laurel comes in to rescue her from the cake-icing task, and the two women bond over Mother's ineptitude with a spatula. Then Laurel has to ruin the moment by mooning, "I miss Kevin." Yes, I can see where having a Cro-Magnon giant whine, "I love yooooooou" any time you try to leave his sight would be addictive. Mother is like, "Oh, speaking of the little liar who lies...do you even know this lurching creep?" Laurel simpers, "What's to know? He's the boy I love and want to be with." Laurel, if your biggest criteria for a relationship is your pal's ability to hang around you nonstop, consider getting a tapeworm instead. Mother points out that Kevin is a lying liar who lies. Laurel wanly says, "He's a little insecure and he tends to embellish." Mother smacks Laurel down for criminal understatement, and Laurel gets worked up that Mother's snooping.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15Next

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