MTV Movie Awards: Hey, Remember These Movies? They Kicked Ass!
9:29 -- Commercial Commentary: I have to admit, the commercials for G.I. Joe actually make it look almost good, but I've seen a bit of the exclusive clip they played during the pre-show tonight, and it was the most horrible thing I've ever seen -- worse than the entire Transformers movie, so all of my hopes for this film have been pretty much smashed. I really have no idea what Hasbro was thinking. But then, I thought they dropped the ball on Transformers and everyone loved that, so what do I know?
9:33 -- Samberg, dressed as Bruce Springsteen, sings a song called "Cool Guys Don't Look at Explosions" and shows a montage of action stars walking away from explosions. It's not the best song ever, but it is the best montage. Ever. Will Ferrell dresses up as Neil Diamond to sing along, and J.J. Abrams does a keyboard solo wearing a ridiculous jacket. This is what happens when you're Andy Samberg and you have the power of a God. (Or, the power of the MTV marketing machine.)
9:35 -- After yet another "I'm a geeky Hollywood star, so I own a blow-up doll of you that I have sex with"-type joke (what did I just say?), Jonah Hill and Vanessa Hudgens present the Breakthrough Performance (Male) nominees: Dev Patel, Taylor Lautner, Bobb'e J. Thompson, Ben Barnes and Robert Pattinson. Pattinson is the inevitable winner, despite the fact that he broke through a few years ago as Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter: and the Goblet of Fire. I feel so ahead of the curve! Pattinson says this is the last award he will accept, because he needs to take a crap. Classy!
9:44 -- Sacha Baron Cohen's Bruno comes out on a harness high above the audience, wearing angel wings and a thong, but he comes partially unhooked halfway down, and is lowered unceremoniously onto Eminem, so his crotch is right in Eminem's face. (Eminem: "Are you serious?") As Em's crew pries him off, Bruno shouts out that Zac Efron has won Best Male Performance for High School Musical 3. Efron looks confused, but takes the stage and says that that was weird, but thanks. Eminem leaves. He looks pissed. Why does he even come to these things anymore? Where's Triumph to get in his face as he leaves?
9:47 -- Emma Watson, Daniel Radcliffe and Rupert Grint present a sneak peek at Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. It's the scene where Harry watches the memory of hippie Dumbledore first meeting Kid Voldemort at the orphanage. If you want to nurture a troubled young wizard and keep him from going down a dark path, is setting his wardrobe on fire really the way to do it?