MONDO EXTRAS

10:22 - As unsure as I am about The Hard Times of RJ Berger, I have to give props to the catchphrase "The weak shall inherit the girth." Again, I am curious how many viewers will get the reference, or know what "girth" means.

10:25 - The award for Biggest Badass Star is presented by Jackie Chan, Jaden Smith and Shaun White. Once again, White is the odd man out in the grouping, and once again he is shirtless under his vest and turquoise necklace. Seriously, he looks like one of the Warriors, or possibly an Apache Chief. Anyway, the nominees are Sam Worthington, Chris Pine, Channing Tatum, Rain and Angelina Jolie. Jolie, I should add, was nominated for Salt, which hasn't even come out yet, while Star Trek came out well over a year ago, making the time frame for these nominations officially bullshit.

10:28 - R-Pattz, K-Stew and Taylor Lautner come out to be awkward and present a clip from Eclipse. After a scene in the school parking lot where Edward and Jacob fight over Kristen in a kind of unattractive way, it's pretty much just the trailer.

10:33 - Who would Pauly from Jersey Shore thank if he won an award? His barber, his tanning salon and all of his cousins, who number approximately infinity. Luckily, Pauly will never win an award, unless it's for Least Natural-Looking Hair.

10:35 - Vanessa Hudgens and Jessica Alba present for Best Male Performance. R-Pattz wins, of course, and on the way to the stage they give him another award, for being a superstar or something. Both Robert and I are surprised and confused.

10:38 - Chris Mintz-Plasse and Ed Helms (a.k.a. "Christopher Mintz-Plasse... from the future!") introduce performer Christina Aguilera. And I know there's been some comparisons made between her new look and the whole Lady Gaga shtick, but yeah, she's rocking a crazy space-warrior outfit on stage, and the screens show her painted half-black and half-white, and it is all very Gaga-esque. The song, an ode to bionics and sex, is also in the Gaga wheelhouse. I'm not saying that nobody can do anything crazy and futuristic now that Gaga's doing it, but at the end of the song an LED heart on Xtina's crotch lights up, and she might as well be wearing a dress made of Kermits.