Cruise Controlled

by Zach Oat June 7, 2010
MTV Movie Awards 2010

9:12 - What better way to kick off this night of youth and excitement than by bringing in the cast of Grown-Ups?! Because nothing says "hip and now" like five old guys who used to be -- wait. Is Adam Sandler wearing a T-shirt and cargo shorts? Did they tell him to wear something young, and all he could find was this? Amazing. To top it all off, they're presenting the nominees for Best Female performance, because why not? The nominees are Kristen Stewart, Zoe Saldana, Emma Watson, Amanda Seyfried and some woman who just won an Oscar. Who do you think will win? This is MTV, so, of course, it's Kristen Stewart. Because the kids who voted for K-Stew wanted to see her being really awkward, and not knowing how to deal with fame and recognition for her work in a graceful manner. Sample quote: "Twilight is awesome?" Don't make it a question next time, Kristen.

9:15 - T.I. comes on to tell us how we can still vote for Best Picture over the phone. Because you should really wait until the very last minute, while you're watching TV, to make such an important decision. Quick -- Alice in Wonderland, Avatar, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, The Hangover, New Moon: which is the best movie released in the last 12 months? Tick-tock, tick-tock, AAAAANH! Too late, New Moon won.

9:19 - In a brief commercial break clip, Jersey Shore's The Situation wins the award (from castmate Pauly) for Best Situation. Yes! I won my office pool! Pay up, Manu!

9:21 - The stars of Get Him to the Greek are here to present the award for Best Breakout Star. Even though no one from the cast of New Moon is nominated, it has been mandated that all dialogue in this telecast somehow reference that movie, for advertising sales purposes, so Russell Brand is Team Edward, Jonah Hill is Team Jacob and Diddy has no idea what they're talking about. Because only nerds talk about this stuff, apparently. They then compare it to the East Coast-West Coast rivalry, which offends Diddy, and everyone who has lost a loved one in that horrible conflict. The nominees are Zach Galifianakis, Gabourey Sidibe, Anna Kendrick, Quinton Aaron, Chris Pine and Logan Lerman, and Kendrick wins. What a coincidence -- the star with the Best Breakout role this year in Up in the Air is also one of the stars of the Twilight Saga!

9:26 - After interrupting an amazing performance by Ed Helms and Ken Jeong (working a tiger-stripe leotard) of the song from The Hangover, Les Grossman decides to liven the proceedings himself and do the dance sequence from Tropic Thunder, which many of the kids watching have either not seen or forgotten about. So they probably think they're just watching a bald guy dance. "Get Back" segues into "Get Right," and Jennifer Lopez joins Grossman for some more dancing, and you really have to give Cruise credit for taking this thing so far, and for getting this character so much airtime on this show, considering the movie he's from came out nearly two years ago. Whether any of this will help Knight and Day at the box office remains to be seen.

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