9:31 - OMG HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HOLLOWS SNEAK PEEK IN FIVE MINUTES!
9:35 - Paul Rudd and Steve Carell are here to curse extensively. Because the category is Best Scared-as-Shit Moment. Jesse Eisenberg, Alison Lohman, Katie Featherston, Sharlto Copley and Amanda Seyfried are nominated, and Seyfried wins! Plus, who knew her name was produced "Sigh-Fred"? Oh, everybody but me? Thanks, guys.
9:38 - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows trailer!!! He and Ron are fighting! He and Ginny are kissing! Running! Voldemort! A dragon! That looks pretty awesome, even though Daniel Radcliffe now looks to be approximately 37.
9:38 - As we go to commercial, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are leaving the theater. Hopefully they'll be back to win and accept their "Best Kiss" award, because how would we see how indifferent they were to the entire idea of this category if they didn't?
9:41 - Aubrey Plaza and Anna Kendrick curse a lot as they look over the Best WTF Moment nominees -- so much so that most of their dialogue is bleeped, and it starts to feel like they're having technical difficulties. Then the Orbit Gum lady lets us know that the cast of Scott Pilgrim vs. the World will be here soon to introduce that category. That almost makes up for being suckered into caring about this glorified Orbit Gum commercial.
9:43 - Bradley Cooper and Jessica Biel are there to present Best Kiss. But fist, they turn the "Kiss Cam" on the audience, and while Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens barely peck, a shirtless Shaun White is game with his girl, and Jonah Hill and Russell Brand go to town on each other. Finally, Clark Duke kisses Sammi, but then it turns out The Situation is right on the other side, and he chases Duke out of the building. Few realize this is a promo for their new sitcom.
Meanwhile, in the actual Best Kiss category, there are five nominees, including one CGI kiss and one lesbian kiss, but of course we know R-Pattz and K-Stew will take it. Plus, now we get to see if the two of them will pull the same "Will we or won't we" bullshit they pulled last year. Aaaaaand they do. They pretend they're both way too awkward to kiss properly, which is probably not too far from the truth.
9:47 - Hey, it's Jason Segel and Miranda Cosgrove! Segel apparently loves iCarly; is he playing Marshall tonight? Anyway, they introduce Katy Perry and Snoop Dogg performing "California Gurls." Perry is going for Lady Gaga meets Wonder Woman with her outfit, with a blue Bettie Page wig, and she rides in on a hovering surfboard, which only makes me wish more that this time had been given to a Back to the Future II tribute instead.