MTV VMAs 2009: Time to Feel Old

by Mindy Monez September 14, 2009
MTV VMAs 2009: Time to Feel Old 10:40: Another one of these Tracy and Eminem things. Now they're in a recording studio and Tra is trying to sing "Time After Time." Cyndi Lauper just showed up and they're singing awkwardly together. Meh, can't hate on Cyndi.

10:47: That All-American Rejects monkey is also wearing sparkles for an outfit and house banding. They fucking suck.

10:48: JLo is presenting now, and while I have nostalgia for her, she couldn't possibly be more irrelevant. No idea why she's there. Best Hip Hop video nominees: Eminem, Flo Rida, Kanye, Jay-Z and that goddamn Asher Roth. Eminem won. And he looks pissed about it? I guess that's just his way.

10:51: DJ AM tribute by Kid Cudi, followed by house banding "Make Her Say," which is my least favorite of his songs, but it's a Gaga thing and still kind of his current single, so I get why he chose it.

11:00: And now all these pointless skits come to fruition -- Tracy Morgan and Eminem are on stage together at last. Best New Artist nominees again: 3Oh!3, Kid Cudi, Asher Roth, Gaga. Tracy's doing some Cyndi Lauper a cappella, but it's scripted so it's not like it's Tra craziness. Gaga won. Duh duh. She's still wearing that murder scene. Oh she took the mask part off! She keeps saying the F-word because she's so badass, and Perez just gave her a major fist pump from the crowd. Is this real life?

11:02: Serena Williams here now, introducing Pink. The song she's going with is "Sober," which is fine. Pink is one of those artists who doesn't really tend to have very good songs, but she can sing and she actually has a point of view. I respect her, actually. I'd never buy any of her records, but I'm glad she exists. Anyway, she's wearing a court jester type of deal, with a heart pasty over one boob and a blindfold. She's being lifted into the sky. I mean, after Gaga, why ever bother trying to be weird? Half-naked trapeze act? You're going to have to try harder from now on, Pink. Gaga severed a few arteries in her performance and didn't even blink.

11:05: Tangentially, remember when DJ Tanner did trapeze stuff on Circus of the Stars in the 90s?

11:06: OK, Pink's trapeze stunts are actually kind of amazing. Pink has a hobby! It's nice that she found one.

11:13: Andy Samberg and Jimmy Fallon here now to do a little "Motown Philly" (with Beyonce mouthing along in the crowd! Which I guess means she's winning this award, because why else would they already have a camera in her face!) and present Video of the Year. Nominees: "Single Ladies," Eminem, "Poker Face," "Love Lockdown" (which is a breathtakingly gorgeous video) and "Womanizer." Beyonce finally wins! Deserved.

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