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Oscars 2008: Inside The Hollywood Star Chamber

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The Man From F.U.N.K.L.E.: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Inside The Hollywood Star Chamber

#1: Look, I'm just saying the show is in jeopardy. So we need to assure we send the right message to America, now more than ever!

#2 & #3 & #4 & #5: Yes! Agreed! Perk up, America! Turn that frown upside down! Oscar's coming to town!, etc.

#5: So what are we looking at awards-wise?

#1: We'll start with Best Supporting Actor. Any votes for Casey Affleck?

#3: We already gave that blockhead an Oscar. Big mistake, too. Now it's like, hey, come see Surviving Christmas starring Oscar-Award-Winner Ben Affleck. Talk about diluting the brand.

#4: I did. Several times. Consider it diluted.

#2: No, no, you're thinking of his brother. This is Casey Affleck. He was surprisingly affecting as a lethally star-struck outlaw in the tender and well-crafted Western The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward --

#3: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Oh, I'm sorry. I fell asleep while you were saying the title. What was that movie again?

#2: The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward --

#3: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

#2: The Assassina --

#3: Zzzz.

#2: The Assass --

#3: Zzzzzz. Oh, sorry. I can't even make it through the title without falling asleep. Next!

#4: Maybe if it had been called The Slow Sponge-Bathing of Brad Pitt by the Shirtless Casey Affleck, it might have held my attention.

#3: Something would have been at attention! And I would have been holding it!

#1: Too true, too true. All right. Then who else is there?

#4: How about Hal Holbrook for Into the Wild?

#1: Stop kidding around. Hal Holbrook's been dead since 1997.

#5: Why are we even arguing? It's got to be Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men, friend-o.

#1: What did you say?

#5: I said, it's got to be Javier Bardem, friend-o.

#1: What is that, a breakfast cereal? Plus, something about that movie's title doesn't sit well with me. I can't say exactly what.

#5: Yes, but Bardem gave a chilling performance as a psychopath with a bad haircut, in a movie that railed against the degradation of society, as personified by kids with blue hair and bones in their noses.

#1: Fair enough. I'll tell you what. Mr. Bardem -- what's the most you've ever lost on a coin toss?

#3: Nice!

#1: Heads, you win. Tails, we recess for an hour and bring in some whores.

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Mondo Extra
Oscars 2008: Inside The Hollywood Star Chamber

Episode Report Card
Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Inside The Hollywood Star Chamber

#1: Look, I'm just saying the show is in jeopardy. So we need to assure we send the right message to America, now more than ever!

#2 & #3 & #4 & #5: Yes! Agreed! Perk up, America! Turn that frown upside down! Oscar's coming to town!, etc.

#5: So what are we looking at awards-wise?

#1: We'll start with Best Supporting Actor. Any votes for Casey Affleck?

#3: We already gave that blockhead an Oscar. Big mistake, too. Now it's like, hey, come see Surviving Christmas starring Oscar-Award-Winner Ben Affleck. Talk about diluting the brand.

#4: I did. Several times. Consider it diluted.

#2: No, no, you're thinking of his brother. This is Casey Affleck. He was surprisingly affecting as a lethally star-struck outlaw in the tender and well-crafted Western The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward --

#3: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Oh, I'm sorry. I fell asleep while you were saying the title. What was that movie again?

#2: The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward --

#3: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

#2: The Assassina --

#3: Zzzz.

#2: The Assass --

#3: Zzzzzz. Oh, sorry. I can't even make it through the title without falling asleep. Next!

#4: Maybe if it had been called The Slow Sponge-Bathing of Brad Pitt by the Shirtless Casey Affleck, it might have held my attention.

#3: Something would have been at attention! And I would have been holding it!

#1: Too true, too true. All right. Then who else is there?

#4: How about Hal Holbrook for Into the Wild?

#1: Stop kidding around. Hal Holbrook's been dead since 1997.

#5: Why are we even arguing? It's got to be Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men, friend-o.

#1: What did you say?

#5: I said, it's got to be Javier Bardem, friend-o.

#1: What is that, a breakfast cereal? Plus, something about that movie's title doesn't sit well with me. I can't say exactly what.

#5: Yes, but Bardem gave a chilling performance as a psychopath with a bad haircut, in a movie that railed against the degradation of society, as personified by kids with blue hair and bones in their noses.

#1: Fair enough. I'll tell you what. Mr. Bardem -- what's the most you've ever lost on a coin toss?

#3: Nice!

#1: Heads, you win. Tails, we recess for an hour and bring in some whores.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8Next

Mondo Extra

Comments

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