MONDO EXTRAS

When You're Here, You're Mistreated Like Family

by Jacob Clifton August 14, 2005
Pizza My Heart

"We've spent our whole lives on the other side of a wall from each other, and we have absolutely no idea who the other person is." Deep. It's like a physical but also metaphorical wall. With a physical and possibly metaphorical lemon tree.

(Oy with the semiotics of the food here, like, every food seems to think itself very metaphorical: lemons, pizza sauce, imported cheeses, balsamic vinegar. I think they went a little crazy with the meaningful foods.)

She extends her hand.

"I'm Gina."

"Joe."

They shake hands and there's a slow hip-hop jam, which is actually hard to listen to, but anyway kind of awesome, because it's totally a white guy singing a crappy vocal over the instrumental track of "When Will I See You Again." That's the best, best thing about TV movies: when they rip off a totally obvious, played-out song with some new lyrics and it sounds like it was recorded in somebody's basement. Well, unless there's new original music in the movie, like in the second best* TV movie ever, Friends 'Til The End, because that's clearly way more awesome. So Gina admits that Papa didn't want her to go to college for photography (or at all, I'm assuming), and how "I love my family, but sometimes I just don't wanna be in my family." So he totally gets that, right, because they're pizza-crossed lovers, and she whine-talks about how it's so complicated because of the circumstances under which they met. "There's that word again," he says, once more calling attention to the crappy script.

(*Number one is She's Too Young, of course, and number three is Dying To Fit In, if you're keeping score.)

It's kind of cool because he pretends not to understand the "complication" talk and just blithely stares at her for a sec and goes, "I'll meet you at the train station at six." "No, that's not going to work," she says, and his face falls, and then they both grin as she says, "How about six fifteen?" See what they did there? See how it sucked because it set up this disappointment, but then only adjusted it by fifteen minutes? Very Entourage. She walks off smiling fakely. He watches her go, smiling fakely. I'm so sure, you two asshats.

Amy Fisher reads aloud to herself in the STILL QUITE PINK ROOM.

"Chihuahua: a smwal breed of Mexican dwog. Doberman: a lwage…"

It's upsetting in many ways, the least of which is actually the bullshit accent, because she's also sounding out the hard words. Are you kidding me with this?

Gina comes barging in and Amy Fisher grabs her face and gets weird and accuses her of vague things while Gina disrobes, leaving her shirt on the bed. Then Gina goes into the bathroom, and Amy Fisher sucks the sauce off of her discarded shirt.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24Next

Comments

When You're Here, You're Mistreated Like Family

by Jacob Clifton August 14, 2005
Pizza My Heart

"We've spent our whole lives on the other side of a wall from each other, and we have absolutely no idea who the other person is." Deep. It's like a physical but also metaphorical wall. With a physical and possibly metaphorical lemon tree.

(Oy with the semiotics of the food here, like, every food seems to think itself very metaphorical: lemons, pizza sauce, imported cheeses, balsamic vinegar. I think they went a little crazy with the meaningful foods.)

She extends her hand.

"I'm Gina."

"Joe."

They shake hands and there's a slow hip-hop jam, which is actually hard to listen to, but anyway kind of awesome, because it's totally a white guy singing a crappy vocal over the instrumental track of "When Will I See You Again." That's the best, best thing about TV movies: when they rip off a totally obvious, played-out song with some new lyrics and it sounds like it was recorded in somebody's basement. Well, unless there's new original music in the movie, like in the second best* TV movie ever, Friends 'Til The End, because that's clearly way more awesome. So Gina admits that Papa didn't want her to go to college for photography (or at all, I'm assuming), and how "I love my family, but sometimes I just don't wanna be in my family." So he totally gets that, right, because they're pizza-crossed lovers, and she whine-talks about how it's so complicated because of the circumstances under which they met. "There's that word again," he says, once more calling attention to the crappy script.

(*Number one is She's Too Young, of course, and number three is Dying To Fit In, if you're keeping score.)

It's kind of cool because he pretends not to understand the "complication" talk and just blithely stares at her for a sec and goes, "I'll meet you at the train station at six." "No, that's not going to work," she says, and his face falls, and then they both grin as she says, "How about six fifteen?" See what they did there? See how it sucked because it set up this disappointment, but then only adjusted it by fifteen minutes? Very Entourage. She walks off smiling fakely. He watches her go, smiling fakely. I'm so sure, you two asshats.

Amy Fisher reads aloud to herself in the STILL QUITE PINK ROOM.

"Chihuahua: a smwal breed of Mexican dwog. Doberman: a lwage…"

It's upsetting in many ways, the least of which is actually the bullshit accent, because she's also sounding out the hard words. Are you kidding me with this?

Gina comes barging in and Amy Fisher grabs her face and gets weird and accuses her of vague things while Gina disrobes, leaving her shirt on the bed. Then Gina goes into the bathroom, and Amy Fisher sucks the sauce off of her discarded shirt.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24Next

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP