MONDO EXTRAS

When You're Here, You're Mistreated Like Family

by Jacob Clifton August 14, 2005
Pizza My Heart

"Tonight may be the last night we kiss someone for the first time," says Jomeo, because he's reprehensible and faux-romantic, and of course their first kiss is outside the two identical pizza parlors, and everybody runs out just then, and there is more yelling.

Gina screws up the admittedly horrible line: "What time is it? Because time just stopped for me."

You're fucking twenty-five, Gina. God. The drama. Parents yell at their children, children yell at parents. This is the only cool part:

Hedaya: Why? Why? Why?
Jomeo: Ma told me to spice up my life!
Ma Montebello: Not with aaaaahsenic!
Jomeo: Arsenic is not a spice!

Seriously. They just yell and forbid things forever and ever. Jomeo's twenty-five and it's so, so dumb, and Hedaya shivers and wiggles around grotesquely, and Papa P says Gina will never see Joe again. What? Why does anybody care what Prestolani thinks anyway?

Back in the Purple (PINK) Leopard Den, Amy Fisher is still not playing her cards right. Gina yells at Amy Fisher for ratting her out and following her and whatever, and Amy suggests she "point the finger at herself." "Amy Fisher," shouts Gina, "we're sisters!" Oh, okay. "Just because we have the same mother and father doesn't make us sisters," spits Amy Fisher, and that's confusing on many levels.

The writers then explain some basic shit to us directly: Gina is "having a hard time understandink" why Amy Fisher is "so angry" and "defensive" and also "why she's readink the encyclopedia."

Amy Fisher is all, "Yoah the only one allowed to be smaaaaht? Huh?" and makes a really upsetting face as she screams this. "Yuh know what, fuh someone who went to college yah pretty dumb!"

Gina moans and twirls around with her hands over her face. Amy Fisher explains really aggressively, just completely out of hand at this point, that sometimes you have to choose: "LOVE or FAMILY!" and Gina looks like total ass right now.

Guido Carmines it up in the kitchen and Joe and Hedaya aren't talking and Guido tries to mediate this, and it's obnoxious, because he's dumb and they really need us to understand that fact. Hedaya delivers a speech about Bengal tigers, okay, and how they're born knowing to eat hyenas, and the Prestolanis are like tigers, and the Montebellos are genetic victims in some way. It makes no sense, and again, Jomeo points this out.

The phone rings, and Guido tells Jomeo it's the French guy, and we learn again that Jean Paul liked the pizza, especially the cheeses, but not the sauce. So he liked the cheese of the Prestolanis, but will love the sauce of the Montebellos. I wonder how that will fit into this tangled web. (Hey kids! It's alchemy! He's the Red Sauce King and she's the White Cheese Queen! Who's up for a quick heiros gamos before dinner? If this were Carnivale the forums would be lit up like a Christmas tree right now with that crap. ["If this were Carnivale it would have taken a season and a half to get to that plot point instead of two hours." -- Sars]) Jean Paul explains the whole "better than best" mistake, and that it was Gina that gave him the pizza. Joe is sad because that means he got Punk'd.

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Comments

When You're Here, You're Mistreated Like Family

by Jacob Clifton August 14, 2005
Pizza My Heart

"Tonight may be the last night we kiss someone for the first time," says Jomeo, because he's reprehensible and faux-romantic, and of course their first kiss is outside the two identical pizza parlors, and everybody runs out just then, and there is more yelling.

Gina screws up the admittedly horrible line: "What time is it? Because time just stopped for me."

You're fucking twenty-five, Gina. God. The drama. Parents yell at their children, children yell at parents. This is the only cool part:

Hedaya: Why? Why? Why?
Jomeo: Ma told me to spice up my life!
Ma Montebello: Not with aaaaahsenic!
Jomeo: Arsenic is not a spice!

Seriously. They just yell and forbid things forever and ever. Jomeo's twenty-five and it's so, so dumb, and Hedaya shivers and wiggles around grotesquely, and Papa P says Gina will never see Joe again. What? Why does anybody care what Prestolani thinks anyway?

Back in the Purple (PINK) Leopard Den, Amy Fisher is still not playing her cards right. Gina yells at Amy Fisher for ratting her out and following her and whatever, and Amy suggests she "point the finger at herself." "Amy Fisher," shouts Gina, "we're sisters!" Oh, okay. "Just because we have the same mother and father doesn't make us sisters," spits Amy Fisher, and that's confusing on many levels.

The writers then explain some basic shit to us directly: Gina is "having a hard time understandink" why Amy Fisher is "so angry" and "defensive" and also "why she's readink the encyclopedia."

Amy Fisher is all, "Yoah the only one allowed to be smaaaaht? Huh?" and makes a really upsetting face as she screams this. "Yuh know what, fuh someone who went to college yah pretty dumb!"

Gina moans and twirls around with her hands over her face. Amy Fisher explains really aggressively, just completely out of hand at this point, that sometimes you have to choose: "LOVE or FAMILY!" and Gina looks like total ass right now.

Guido Carmines it up in the kitchen and Joe and Hedaya aren't talking and Guido tries to mediate this, and it's obnoxious, because he's dumb and they really need us to understand that fact. Hedaya delivers a speech about Bengal tigers, okay, and how they're born knowing to eat hyenas, and the Prestolanis are like tigers, and the Montebellos are genetic victims in some way. It makes no sense, and again, Jomeo points this out.

The phone rings, and Guido tells Jomeo it's the French guy, and we learn again that Jean Paul liked the pizza, especially the cheeses, but not the sauce. So he liked the cheese of the Prestolanis, but will love the sauce of the Montebellos. I wonder how that will fit into this tangled web. (Hey kids! It's alchemy! He's the Red Sauce King and she's the White Cheese Queen! Who's up for a quick heiros gamos before dinner? If this were Carnivale the forums would be lit up like a Christmas tree right now with that crap. ["If this were Carnivale it would have taken a season and a half to get to that plot point instead of two hours." -- Sars]) Jean Paul explains the whole "better than best" mistake, and that it was Gina that gave him the pizza. Joe is sad because that means he got Punk'd.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24Next

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