MONDO EXTRAS

When You're Here, You're Mistreated Like Family

by Jacob Clifton August 14, 2005
Pizza My Heart

(*William Ragsdale, whom I personally always think of first as Porter from Brother's Keeper, because I loved that show beyond reason, because of Sean O'Brien, who is getting fucking old, but I still adore him. And then secondly I think of Mannequin 2: On The Move, because it really built on the narrative strength of the first film in a way you don't often see in sequels, but really Herman's Head was his biggest accomplishment, I think, because of Yeardley Smith, to whom I once proposed marriage after Soleil Moon-Frye didn't answer my letter, and now we're getting into a whole other thing I don't want to talk about, but it was a long time ago and I've clearly changed drastically since second grade.)

Herman's Head is some kind of chef and then somebody comes in and tells him that the people on Table 14 want to meet him, and then Jean Paul talks but his fake accent is impenetrable and I don't know what he wants. He wants something, I can tell that much.

So Herman's Head takes off, and they all play poker, but instead of money, they're using recipes. This is dumb, and all the chefs around the table throw around words like "puttanesca" and "sauté" and "osso buco" and, like, they're chefs, I get it. Then Joe starts saying a recipe out loud, and the guys groan and moan and clutch at each other at each step ("Then you make a reduction…" Unnnh) and it's creepy and like he's describing his date last night, step by step.

Is there anything grosser sounding than lobster risotto?

So then Herman's Head raises because he wants Joe's pizza sauce recipe, and that too is somehow sleazy and weird, like the degree to which he really wants Joe's sauce, and all the other guys are like, "That's good sauce, I'd hit that," and Joe folds, because his pizza sauce is so awesome, and everybody yells and Herman's Head is all, "Well played, sir."

Jean Paul turns over Joe's cards, and he's got four nines and a two, and Joe smiles, because his amazing pizza sauce is too amazing and it's just still too much of a risk. And in case we're completely dumb, Jean Paul clarifies AGAIN that the sauce is just that good, and Joe tells him that it's not going anywhere. And Jean Paul talks some more and the word "franchise" is the only thing I understood from it, but that's the important word. Joe looks dumb enough at this word that I think maybe he and Jean Paul are falling in love a little bit.

At the Petrolani party, the dad toasts Gina and says meaningfully that it's great to have her back where she belongs. He's the most symbolic, scary character, but it's a factor of the actor that he's the most likeable person so far. He's played by Michael Badalucco (a.k.a. the Son of Sam) and is wielding weird power over this grown woman's life, but he's still the most likeable one, because such is the power of Michael Badalucco, who is adorable.

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When You're Here, You're Mistreated Like Family

by Jacob Clifton August 14, 2005
Pizza My Heart

(*William Ragsdale, whom I personally always think of first as Porter from Brother's Keeper, because I loved that show beyond reason, because of Sean O'Brien, who is getting fucking old, but I still adore him. And then secondly I think of Mannequin 2: On The Move, because it really built on the narrative strength of the first film in a way you don't often see in sequels, but really Herman's Head was his biggest accomplishment, I think, because of Yeardley Smith, to whom I once proposed marriage after Soleil Moon-Frye didn't answer my letter, and now we're getting into a whole other thing I don't want to talk about, but it was a long time ago and I've clearly changed drastically since second grade.)

Herman's Head is some kind of chef and then somebody comes in and tells him that the people on Table 14 want to meet him, and then Jean Paul talks but his fake accent is impenetrable and I don't know what he wants. He wants something, I can tell that much.

So Herman's Head takes off, and they all play poker, but instead of money, they're using recipes. This is dumb, and all the chefs around the table throw around words like "puttanesca" and "sauté" and "osso buco" and, like, they're chefs, I get it. Then Joe starts saying a recipe out loud, and the guys groan and moan and clutch at each other at each step ("Then you make a reduction…" Unnnh) and it's creepy and like he's describing his date last night, step by step.

Is there anything grosser sounding than lobster risotto?

So then Herman's Head raises because he wants Joe's pizza sauce recipe, and that too is somehow sleazy and weird, like the degree to which he really wants Joe's sauce, and all the other guys are like, "That's good sauce, I'd hit that," and Joe folds, because his pizza sauce is so awesome, and everybody yells and Herman's Head is all, "Well played, sir."

Jean Paul turns over Joe's cards, and he's got four nines and a two, and Joe smiles, because his amazing pizza sauce is too amazing and it's just still too much of a risk. And in case we're completely dumb, Jean Paul clarifies AGAIN that the sauce is just that good, and Joe tells him that it's not going anywhere. And Jean Paul talks some more and the word "franchise" is the only thing I understood from it, but that's the important word. Joe looks dumb enough at this word that I think maybe he and Jean Paul are falling in love a little bit.

At the Petrolani party, the dad toasts Gina and says meaningfully that it's great to have her back where she belongs. He's the most symbolic, scary character, but it's a factor of the actor that he's the most likeable person so far. He's played by Michael Badalucco (a.k.a. the Son of Sam) and is wielding weird power over this grown woman's life, but he's still the most likeable one, because such is the power of Michael Badalucco, who is adorable.

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