MONDO EXTRAS

When You're Here, You're Mistreated Like Family

by Jacob Clifton August 14, 2005
Pizza My Heart

Anyway, Hedaya and Jomeo fight about the stupid sauce some more, and I've already heard the word "franchise" a billion times today and I don't want to hear it again. Jomeo notes that franchising could put the Prestolanis out of business. Guido says if they were rich he'd get pectoral implants and everybody is like "ugh." Hedaya, because he's old school, opines that this whole Jean Paul thing is actually a Prestolani plot, and the very scary Mrs. Montebello gets very vendetta in the face. Hedaya compares the Prestolanis to some vaguely Italian-sounding names, then explains that they are James Bond villains, then says, "Didn't they teach you anything in that CIA place?" Don't think that's going anywhere cool, by the way, or you'll be disappointed.

The Prestolanis make some more goddamn pizza and Papa P acts insane, totally doing the screaming Sorvino bit from Romeo + Juliet. Carlo and Gina discuss the Feast, and how she really needs to be at the Feast because of how competitive the two pizza families are, and he tells her that this year, their booths are going to be right next to each other. Wow, that should really foster some competition, considering that's not how it is every single day, because of the conceit that they are next door to each other every single day. So of course Gina's totally down with the Feast now, for the same reason. They're both idiots. She runs off to change, and he pulls the obviously impending wedding ring out of his pocket, because that's really why he wants her at the Feast, because he's got this totally romantic proposal planned that we'll find out later.

Jean Paul hops a cab to Verona because apparently the Feast is the only time he'll be able to sample the pizza even though they're making pizza all day long. Jomeo tells him to "ask for the best pizza in town," so there's your Act Two for you right there. Hedaya complains about how Jean Paul is a Frenchman, and Jomeo points out that he's "got two Pope names." Sigh. So then Hedaya tells him the thing about how they're going to be having pizza booths close to each other, and Jomeo freaks out just like Gina, and Guido's still looking at himself in the shiny top of a skillet or something and Joe takes it away because the Montebellos have no mirrors, just cookware.

Gina comes into the VERY PINK ROOM, looking moderately lovely. Amy Fisher is wearing a turquoise top with silver racing stripes that becomes a boob-flattening, supportless, one fold over the other shirt in a flowery print halfway up, with turquoise piping and straps, big silver hoops, and a big blingy "A," so it's awesome when she actually questions Gina's attractive, presentable outfit. Of course, Amy Fisher thinks Gina's dressing up for "sumthin special wit Caaaaaahlo" and looks "sad" about it. All in a tiz, Gina's like, "I've got a feeling it's going to be a good Feast," and runs out. Amy Fisher pulls out this picture of Carlo, with her sad face staring at him all in love and shit, and is very crestfallen. "Maybe fuh you," she grumbles. The music gets totally sad for her, but I sure don't.

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Comments

When You're Here, You're Mistreated Like Family

by Jacob Clifton August 14, 2005
Pizza My Heart

Anyway, Hedaya and Jomeo fight about the stupid sauce some more, and I've already heard the word "franchise" a billion times today and I don't want to hear it again. Jomeo notes that franchising could put the Prestolanis out of business. Guido says if they were rich he'd get pectoral implants and everybody is like "ugh." Hedaya, because he's old school, opines that this whole Jean Paul thing is actually a Prestolani plot, and the very scary Mrs. Montebello gets very vendetta in the face. Hedaya compares the Prestolanis to some vaguely Italian-sounding names, then explains that they are James Bond villains, then says, "Didn't they teach you anything in that CIA place?" Don't think that's going anywhere cool, by the way, or you'll be disappointed.

The Prestolanis make some more goddamn pizza and Papa P acts insane, totally doing the screaming Sorvino bit from Romeo + Juliet. Carlo and Gina discuss the Feast, and how she really needs to be at the Feast because of how competitive the two pizza families are, and he tells her that this year, their booths are going to be right next to each other. Wow, that should really foster some competition, considering that's not how it is every single day, because of the conceit that they are next door to each other every single day. So of course Gina's totally down with the Feast now, for the same reason. They're both idiots. She runs off to change, and he pulls the obviously impending wedding ring out of his pocket, because that's really why he wants her at the Feast, because he's got this totally romantic proposal planned that we'll find out later.

Jean Paul hops a cab to Verona because apparently the Feast is the only time he'll be able to sample the pizza even though they're making pizza all day long. Jomeo tells him to "ask for the best pizza in town," so there's your Act Two for you right there. Hedaya complains about how Jean Paul is a Frenchman, and Jomeo points out that he's "got two Pope names." Sigh. So then Hedaya tells him the thing about how they're going to be having pizza booths close to each other, and Jomeo freaks out just like Gina, and Guido's still looking at himself in the shiny top of a skillet or something and Joe takes it away because the Montebellos have no mirrors, just cookware.

Gina comes into the VERY PINK ROOM, looking moderately lovely. Amy Fisher is wearing a turquoise top with silver racing stripes that becomes a boob-flattening, supportless, one fold over the other shirt in a flowery print halfway up, with turquoise piping and straps, big silver hoops, and a big blingy "A," so it's awesome when she actually questions Gina's attractive, presentable outfit. Of course, Amy Fisher thinks Gina's dressing up for "sumthin special wit Caaaaaahlo" and looks "sad" about it. All in a tiz, Gina's like, "I've got a feeling it's going to be a good Feast," and runs out. Amy Fisher pulls out this picture of Carlo, with her sad face staring at him all in love and shit, and is very crestfallen. "Maybe fuh you," she grumbles. The music gets totally sad for her, but I sure don't.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24Next

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