"Best Villain"? "Best Kiss"? "Best Summer Movie You Haven't Seen Yet"?? If these are the categories the MTV Movie Awards went with, what in the name of Sacha Baron Cohen was left on the reject pile?

Best Two-Hour Trip To Guiltsville That Was A Total Downer

Best Supporting Role Of Quiet Desperation

Best Original Breasts

Best Adapted Breasts

Best Blowing Of The Minds Of Comic-Book Collectors

Best Underground Buzz Spread Mostly At Pottery Barn

Best Reemergence From Rehab

Best "Secret" Backstage Romance Designed To Distract People From Real Backstage Romance With Fifteen-Year-Old Or Dude

Worst Performance By Tom Hanks's Hair

Best Internet Marketing Campaign That Worked Best On Print Journalists

Best Movie Where Everybody Didn't Even Talk English

Best Evidence That Milo Ventimiglia Is Not The New Sylvester Stallone

Best Barely Veiled Scientology Parable

Best Post-Apocalyptic Vision Where People Don't Take Baths, Which: Gross

Best Randy Newman Song About How We'll Be Friends Till The End Of This Cartoon

Best Plucky Heroine Who Cries And Regrets Doing It

Best Movie Where You See This One Guy's Actual Guts

Best Ending We Kind Of Didn't Get, But Whatever, Man

Best Moody Screenplay By A Lumpy Guy About How Lumpy, Moody Guys Get All The Hot Ass

Best Performance In Allegedly Ironic Tights

Best Performance By A Person Who Would Appreciate It If You Forgot All About That Last Movie He Was In

Best Sex Scene For Watching, But Not For Trying To Live Up To

Best Performance By A Little Kid Who Kinda Makes You Want A Little Kid

Worst Performance By A Little Kid Who Kinda Makes You Buy Extra Condoms

Best Performance By A Thoroughly Humiliated Ensemble

Best Movie Where Two Straight Guys Kiss With Tongue

Best Movie With A Lot Of Helmets

Best Scene Taking Place At Night In The Rain (Yelling)

Best Scene Taking Place At Night In The Rain (Making Out)

Best Montage Of An Unnecessary Makeover Set To "You Go, Girl" Music

Best Performance By A Fat Suit

Best Distortion Of A Real Person Until His Own Granny Wouldn't Recognize Him

Best Movie To See Drunk With Your Friends

Best Deleted Scenes, Probably

Best Title That Became Ill-Advised Before The Release Date As A Result Of Intervening Scandals

Best Remake Of A Movie That Pretty Much Sucked The First Time

Best Line Destined To Be Appropriated By George Bush When He Wants To Make A Funny

Best Comedy That Even Humorless Assholes Thought Was Funny

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"Best Villain"? "Best Kiss"? "Best Summer Movie You Haven't Seen Yet"?? If these are the categories the MTV Movie Awards went with, what in the name of Sacha Baron Cohen was left on the reject pile?

Best Two-Hour Trip To Guiltsville That Was A Total Downer

Best Supporting Role Of Quiet Desperation

Best Original Breasts

Best Adapted Breasts

Best Blowing Of The Minds Of Comic-Book Collectors

Best Underground Buzz Spread Mostly At Pottery Barn

Best Reemergence From Rehab

Best "Secret" Backstage Romance Designed To Distract People From Real Backstage Romance With Fifteen-Year-Old Or Dude

Worst Performance By Tom Hanks's Hair

Best Internet Marketing Campaign That Worked Best On Print Journalists

Best Movie Where Everybody Didn't Even Talk English

Best Evidence That Milo Ventimiglia Is Not The New Sylvester Stallone

Best Barely Veiled Scientology Parable

Best Post-Apocalyptic Vision Where People Don't Take Baths, Which: Gross

Best Randy Newman Song About How We'll Be Friends Till The End Of This Cartoon

Best Plucky Heroine Who Cries And Regrets Doing It

Best Movie Where You See This One Guy's Actual Guts

Best Ending We Kind Of Didn't Get, But Whatever, Man

Best Moody Screenplay By A Lumpy Guy About How Lumpy, Moody Guys Get All The Hot Ass

Best Performance In Allegedly Ironic Tights

Best Performance By A Person Who Would Appreciate It If You Forgot All About That Last Movie He Was In

Best Sex Scene For Watching, But Not For Trying To Live Up To

Best Performance By A Little Kid Who Kinda Makes You Want A Little Kid

Worst Performance By A Little Kid Who Kinda Makes You Buy Extra Condoms

Best Performance By A Thoroughly Humiliated Ensemble

Best Movie Where Two Straight Guys Kiss With Tongue

Best Movie With A Lot Of Helmets

Best Scene Taking Place At Night In The Rain (Yelling)

Best Scene Taking Place At Night In The Rain (Making Out)

Best Montage Of An Unnecessary Makeover Set To "You Go, Girl" Music

Best Performance By A Fat Suit

Best Distortion Of A Real Person Until His Own Granny Wouldn't Recognize Him

Best Movie To See Drunk With Your Friends

Best Deleted Scenes, Probably

Best Title That Became Ill-Advised Before The Release Date As A Result Of Intervening Scandals

Best Remake Of A Movie That Pretty Much Sucked The First Time

Best Line Destined To Be Appropriated By George Bush When He Wants To Make A Funny

Best Comedy That Even Humorless Assholes Thought Was Funny

1 2Next