MONDO EXTRAS

Are you kidding us with this?

by Potes May 8, 2005
Riding the Bus with My Sister

Previously in this genre: What's Eating Gilbert Grape, Benny and Joon, Charly, I Am Sam, The Other Sister, Forrest Gump, and a little oft-forgotten gem called Like Normal People. ["Not forgotten by me, my friend. NEVER forgotten by me." -- Sars]

A flashy bit of graphic design informs us that this we are in for a CBS SPECIAL Presentation. It's not stupid, you guys, it's special. Majestic trumpets blare as the Hallmark crown comes into focus and a voice welcomes us to the 224th presentation of the Hallmark Hall of Fame. Oh, lucky 224. Perhaps I will play you in the Daily Numbers. The voice gives us a summary of what's to come: "Rachel is beautiful and successful [read: a cold, heartless, baby-hating bitch]. Beth has a style all her own [read: lovably retarded!]. They have nothing in common except they're sisters [and terrible actresses!]. Now they are about to become more than family. They will become friends [sounds of Potes regurgitating the six dirty martinis needed to face this recapping assignment.]" Voice tells us that this special presentation is brought to us by Hallmark and its many stores, who also try to sell you embarrassing treacle in the disguise of a lesson about life that you would have already known were you not so heartless and cold and baby-hating. Let's begin, shall we?

But first I must make a disclaimer. I am really not evil. Well, okay, not entirely evil. And I don't think it's very nice to make fun of the developmentally disabled. In fact, I've volunteered at the Special Olympics for ten years running. Okay, no I haven't. But nonetheless, movies in which name actors ham it up as developmentally disabled characters belong to a genre that must be mocked and torn down and otherwise exposed for the crap that it is. It's just all sorts of wrong. But often funnily so, and lucky for us. So, gentle readers, I beg of you not to be offended as we explore this sensitive subject matter together, and to kindly remember that I am making fun of the movie. It's a fine line, and it makes me a little nervous, but I hope that my intent is clear. But if you bristle every time you see the word "retarded," you might want to save yourself some time and stop here.

Some jaunty music leads us into a colorful room. It is a mere nanosecond before the words "Rosie O'Donnell" appear on our screen in Comic Sans MS font. Because nothing indicates high production value like Comic Sans. There are colorful paintings and beads in the doorway. Then we see a bus. And then we're back to the room, which has stuffed animals and bright fake flowers and stickers and beads and a bright yellow boom box and other indicators that it is occupied by someone who LOVES LIFE AND HAS SOMETHING TO TEACH US! Goody. More credits, more buses. And then, so you can assert proper blame: "Executive Producer, Rosie O'Donnell. Teleplay by Joyce Eliason. Based on the book by Rachel Simon." And lastly, the one that really puts the stake through my heart, "Directed by Anjelica Huston." Because I have something of a deep and abiding love for Anjelica Huston, much of which was imprinted upon my person when I saw The Grifters for the first through seventh times. The immunity from that is pretty large, but she is seriously skating on thin ice here, and might choose to "Alan Smithee" any future projects closely resembling this one.

And then, suddenly, up from the bed bounds a large, permed manatee wearing a shirt the color of safety orange. Yes, friends, it is Rosie O'Donnell, who is wearing instant retard-a-face. And from what I understand, Rosie read this book and bought the rights because she just had to play the character of developmentally disabled Beth. And I usually try to cut Rosie a tiny break because she's a sister, but come on. It's just weird and sad and kind of depressing. But then again, having read her blog (which used to be called "Once Adored"), I believe that "weird, sad and kind of depressing" has become something of a motif for her. Anyway, Rosie -- ever eager to greet the day -- bounds into the bathroom and splashes some water on her face.

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Comments

Are you kidding us with this?

by Potes May 8, 2005
Riding the Bus with My Sister

Previously in this genre: What's Eating Gilbert Grape, Benny and Joon, Charly, I Am Sam, The Other Sister, Forrest Gump, and a little oft-forgotten gem called Like Normal People. ["Not forgotten by me, my friend. NEVER forgotten by me." -- Sars]

A flashy bit of graphic design informs us that this we are in for a CBS SPECIAL Presentation. It's not stupid, you guys, it's special. Majestic trumpets blare as the Hallmark crown comes into focus and a voice welcomes us to the 224th presentation of the Hallmark Hall of Fame. Oh, lucky 224. Perhaps I will play you in the Daily Numbers. The voice gives us a summary of what's to come: "Rachel is beautiful and successful [read: a cold, heartless, baby-hating bitch]. Beth has a style all her own [read: lovably retarded!]. They have nothing in common except they're sisters [and terrible actresses!]. Now they are about to become more than family. They will become friends [sounds of Potes regurgitating the six dirty martinis needed to face this recapping assignment.]" Voice tells us that this special presentation is brought to us by Hallmark and its many stores, who also try to sell you embarrassing treacle in the disguise of a lesson about life that you would have already known were you not so heartless and cold and baby-hating. Let's begin, shall we?

But first I must make a disclaimer. I am really not evil. Well, okay, not entirely evil. And I don't think it's very nice to make fun of the developmentally disabled. In fact, I've volunteered at the Special Olympics for ten years running. Okay, no I haven't. But nonetheless, movies in which name actors ham it up as developmentally disabled characters belong to a genre that must be mocked and torn down and otherwise exposed for the crap that it is. It's just all sorts of wrong. But often funnily so, and lucky for us. So, gentle readers, I beg of you not to be offended as we explore this sensitive subject matter together, and to kindly remember that I am making fun of the movie. It's a fine line, and it makes me a little nervous, but I hope that my intent is clear. But if you bristle every time you see the word "retarded," you might want to save yourself some time and stop here.

Some jaunty music leads us into a colorful room. It is a mere nanosecond before the words "Rosie O'Donnell" appear on our screen in Comic Sans MS font. Because nothing indicates high production value like Comic Sans. There are colorful paintings and beads in the doorway. Then we see a bus. And then we're back to the room, which has stuffed animals and bright fake flowers and stickers and beads and a bright yellow boom box and other indicators that it is occupied by someone who LOVES LIFE AND HAS SOMETHING TO TEACH US! Goody. More credits, more buses. And then, so you can assert proper blame: "Executive Producer, Rosie O'Donnell. Teleplay by Joyce Eliason. Based on the book by Rachel Simon." And lastly, the one that really puts the stake through my heart, "Directed by Anjelica Huston." Because I have something of a deep and abiding love for Anjelica Huston, much of which was imprinted upon my person when I saw The Grifters for the first through seventh times. The immunity from that is pretty large, but she is seriously skating on thin ice here, and might choose to "Alan Smithee" any future projects closely resembling this one.

And then, suddenly, up from the bed bounds a large, permed manatee wearing a shirt the color of safety orange. Yes, friends, it is Rosie O'Donnell, who is wearing instant retard-a-face. And from what I understand, Rosie read this book and bought the rights because she just had to play the character of developmentally disabled Beth. And I usually try to cut Rosie a tiny break because she's a sister, but come on. It's just weird and sad and kind of depressing. But then again, having read her blog (which used to be called "Once Adored"), I believe that "weird, sad and kind of depressing" has become something of a motif for her. Anyway, Rosie -- ever eager to greet the day -- bounds into the bathroom and splashes some water on her face.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23Next

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See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

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