2: John Walsh?
1: Oh, that's just what we need -- Tina Fey loses for Best Actress in a Comedy and we've got Mr. Bereaved Dad ruining everyone's night with his Tears of Rage.
3: Why are you guys ignoring the obvious?
2: You're still here?
3: The biggest hit on this whole sorry-ass network is American Idol.
2: Of course! Taylor Hicks!
1: Absolutely not.
2: That's true, I guess the Soul Patrol has probably been called into active duty in Iraq.
1: But I see where you're going with this. People do watch it for the personalities who are always there...don't they?
2: I guess?
3: Well, it can't be Paula; we can't very well call on her to be classy after that thing on Bravo this summer.
1: Speaking of Tears of Rage.
2: I mean, honestly.
3: And if we put Simon Cowell onstage, we'll have nominees leaving in the first twelve minutes; we might as well just hire Don Rickles!
1: And I'm writing that down.
3: As for Randy...I mean, say what you will about my Uncle Grandpa, but even he has a vocabulary in the triple digits, unlike our "dawg" over here.
2: Good point, if a little pitchy.
1: But that just leaves...
3: That's right.
1, 2, & 3: DUNKLEMAN!
[One phone call later...]
1: I should have known the Dunk would have too much pride to talk to us again. Well, screw it: let's just get the one guy in this town who's never said no to any work ever.
2: Let's just pray he's not getting his tips frosted that night.
1: As it were.