MONDO EXTRAS

When Sharks Occasionally Attack

by Sara M April 2, 2005
Spring Break Shark Attack

A generically attractive young man, who you might recognize from any one of the many TWoP-recapped shows he has appeared in, enters. He's Kathy's son, and he is wearing a plaid T-shirt that just screams "blue-collar." His name is Shane, of course, because what else are you going to name your handsome and hard-working, yet also caring and smart, blue-collar protagonist? Pubert? I don't think so. We learn that Kathy and Shane are working to make ends meet so that Shane can finally afford to go to college. Kathy tells him he should try to meet a girl during SPRING BREAK, because I guess she wants him to get herpes. Shane says he'd rather fix one of their boats.

Some pretty underwater file footage swims by. Now we're on a boat that belongs to the local university. Two men are on it. One is Danny from The Apprentice, who, in his overly large T-shirt and ugly blue shorts/swim trunks, is still a better dresser than he was in his reality show days. The other passenger reminds me, both in appearance and accent, of famous Michael Jackson interviewer Martin Bashir, and he quickly establishes himself as the lazier of the two with his complaints that Danny is blocking his sun and the presence of a martini in his hand. You know it's a martini because it's in one of those triangle glasses. He probably found it in the water, left over from the Despairing Wives Of House's ill-fated sea picnic. Between sips, Martin conveniently establishes that Danny (a.k.a. Lindsay's brother) is working on a graduate thesis about tiger sharks, which Danny believes are the reason why the green turtle population is down in the area lately. Apparently, Danny is getting a masters in stating the obvious.

During their conversation, we see an overhead shot of the boat, and there's a gigantic shark lazily swimming around under it. Oblivious, Danny whines about the "ecosystemic consequences" he believes the new "man-made" reef is having. He should worry a little more about the sharkosystemic consequences he'll be facing once he takes his head out of his ass and notices the GIANT SHARK FIN just inches away from his boat. But he doesn't, because he's too busy spouting the hip college lingo like "whacked." Martin puts his martini glass down and tells Danny he needs to "get jiggy with it." I think this movie was written in 1998.

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When Sharks Occasionally Attack

by Sara M April 2, 2005
Spring Break Shark Attack

A generically attractive young man, who you might recognize from any one of the many TWoP-recapped shows he has appeared in, enters. He's Kathy's son, and he is wearing a plaid T-shirt that just screams "blue-collar." His name is Shane, of course, because what else are you going to name your handsome and hard-working, yet also caring and smart, blue-collar protagonist? Pubert? I don't think so. We learn that Kathy and Shane are working to make ends meet so that Shane can finally afford to go to college. Kathy tells him he should try to meet a girl during SPRING BREAK, because I guess she wants him to get herpes. Shane says he'd rather fix one of their boats.

Some pretty underwater file footage swims by. Now we're on a boat that belongs to the local university. Two men are on it. One is Danny from The Apprentice, who, in his overly large T-shirt and ugly blue shorts/swim trunks, is still a better dresser than he was in his reality show days. The other passenger reminds me, both in appearance and accent, of famous Michael Jackson interviewer Martin Bashir, and he quickly establishes himself as the lazier of the two with his complaints that Danny is blocking his sun and the presence of a martini in his hand. You know it's a martini because it's in one of those triangle glasses. He probably found it in the water, left over from the Despairing Wives Of House's ill-fated sea picnic. Between sips, Martin conveniently establishes that Danny (a.k.a. Lindsay's brother) is working on a graduate thesis about tiger sharks, which Danny believes are the reason why the green turtle population is down in the area lately. Apparently, Danny is getting a masters in stating the obvious.

During their conversation, we see an overhead shot of the boat, and there's a gigantic shark lazily swimming around under it. Oblivious, Danny whines about the "ecosystemic consequences" he believes the new "man-made" reef is having. He should worry a little more about the sharkosystemic consequences he'll be facing once he takes his head out of his ass and notices the GIANT SHARK FIN just inches away from his boat. But he doesn't, because he's too busy spouting the hip college lingo like "whacked." Martin puts his martini glass down and tells Danny he needs to "get jiggy with it." I think this movie was written in 1998.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21Next

Comments

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Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

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