MONDO EXTRAS

When Sharks Occasionally Attack

by Sara M April 2, 2005
Spring Break Shark Attack

Lindsay and her ugly-ass boots that completely clash with her Puritan-made sundress stomp on through a bookstore. Shane's there, pretending to read. Lindsay says that the bookstore is "quiet," which isn't true, considering that you can hear the music from the club through the walls. Good business location planning there, bookstore owners. Although I guess I shouldn't expect much from people who can't even be assed to place the wares on shelves. Books are just randomly strewn about on tables with no apparent order. I've seen tag sales with better organization than this place. Anyway, Shane and Lindsay talk about how much better they are than those SPRING BREAK partiers, and Shane says he wants to go to college to be an engineer. As he does some shitty prop work in the background with the books, Lindsay says she's undeclared, but her dad wants her to work at a law firm because he's EVIL. Lindsay likes anthropology, though. If her school offers a degree in Awkward Conversations, she should go for it. She's a natural talent.

Meanwhile, Blonde and Max are not even holding hands. Wow, SPRING BREAK sure is a wild and crazy time! Blonde whines that she felt something touch her leg underwater, which Max makes fun of her for. Wow, Max has got all the moves when it comes to women, doesn't he? Suddenly, Blonde is sucked underwater. Max thinks she's joking around, until he gets knocked off his surfboard and sucked under as well. Suddenly, a giant red bubble explodes from the water, and two shark fins swim away. Now, I understand what the shark fins are doing there, but I'm a little confused about the exploding red bubble. Do humans explode when they get eaten by sharks?

It's the next day, presumably, and we have to listen to that annoying DJ tell us the weather again as we watch Lindsay walk into Kathy Baker's shop. She asks Kathy where she can find Shane. Kathy says he's out on his boat, but she can take a message. Lindsay says she'll just come back. Then we see her walking up a random staircase and into an apartment. It's Danny's apartment, which he apparently doesn't bother to keep locked or even closed. Not that that gives Lindsay an excuse to not even try to announce her arrival before entering it. Danny is surprised to see his sister, but feigns friendliness anyway. Lindsay explains that their father forbid her from going on SPRING BREAK, so she showed her maturity by sneaking away. She asks Danny not to tell, and he agrees. A character who turns down the chance to tell on a sibling? I'm a long way from 7th Heaven! Lindsay makes fun of some pile of metal scraps hanging out in the corner of the room, and Danny explains that it's part of his graduate work; it generates electric signals that repel sharks. Or it would, if it worked. Lindsay, who has chosen not to pay attention to any of her brother's ramblings about things that are important to him, tells Danny he has been spending too much time on his thesis, and should enjoy himself during SPRING BREAK. Jesus Christ, people, leave Danny alone! He likes doing schoolwork, he's trying to work on his goddamn thesis, leave him be! Danny apologizes to Lindsay for not being home much, but their father is evil, so it's understandable. Lindsay says they can "catch up" on the beach, like, didn't Danny JUST SAY that he has work to do? Danny orders Lindsay not to go swimming because he's been finding tiger sharks in the water and he doesn't know why yet. Danny explains that tiger sharks are the MOST DANGEROUS OF ALL SHARKS! Most lazy too, apparently. Goddammit, sharks! EAT SOMEONE! And not some peripheral character, either! I want to see the blood of main characters, and I want to see it NOW! Lindsay starts to say that Danny is just like their father with all this concern for her well being, to which Drama Danny is all, "I'm nothing like him!" Lindsay apologizes and says that Danny is nothing like their dad, because if he ever managed to get a girlfriend, he wouldn't cheat on her. Talk about your backhanded compliments. Are we supposed to like Lindsay in this movie, or is all this just to make her death at the jaws of sharks all the more awesome for us at the end? Oh please oh please oh please let that be it!

Lindsay and Karen tan on the beach. I bet Lindsay is wearing SPF 145 sunblock. Lindsay looks over at the water just in time to see a blonde woman scream as she gets sucked under it. Lindsay grows more and more concerned as the blonde struggles and screams, but come on. The blonde is in, like, a foot of water and she's surrounded by people. I really doubt that some big-ass shark is eating her and no one except the girl who ditched Habitat for Humanity notices. Sure enough, the blonde surfaces, giggling, we see that JT was responsible for pulling her under the surface. What, are there, like, five people on this beach? Why do we keep seeing the same people all the time? JT walks up to the girls and asks if anyone wants to swim with him. The girls ask JT if he knows where Max is, as Alicia is currently looking for him, but he changes the subject to a party he has tickets for. Karen invites him to their beach house for a pre-party. Lindsay asks JT to bring Max along too, if he finds him. I guess we're supposed to think Lindsay is a good friend to Alicia, even though she's tanning instead of helping her look for Max.

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When Sharks Occasionally Attack

by Sara M April 2, 2005
Spring Break Shark Attack

Lindsay and her ugly-ass boots that completely clash with her Puritan-made sundress stomp on through a bookstore. Shane's there, pretending to read. Lindsay says that the bookstore is "quiet," which isn't true, considering that you can hear the music from the club through the walls. Good business location planning there, bookstore owners. Although I guess I shouldn't expect much from people who can't even be assed to place the wares on shelves. Books are just randomly strewn about on tables with no apparent order. I've seen tag sales with better organization than this place. Anyway, Shane and Lindsay talk about how much better they are than those SPRING BREAK partiers, and Shane says he wants to go to college to be an engineer. As he does some shitty prop work in the background with the books, Lindsay says she's undeclared, but her dad wants her to work at a law firm because he's EVIL. Lindsay likes anthropology, though. If her school offers a degree in Awkward Conversations, she should go for it. She's a natural talent.

Meanwhile, Blonde and Max are not even holding hands. Wow, SPRING BREAK sure is a wild and crazy time! Blonde whines that she felt something touch her leg underwater, which Max makes fun of her for. Wow, Max has got all the moves when it comes to women, doesn't he? Suddenly, Blonde is sucked underwater. Max thinks she's joking around, until he gets knocked off his surfboard and sucked under as well. Suddenly, a giant red bubble explodes from the water, and two shark fins swim away. Now, I understand what the shark fins are doing there, but I'm a little confused about the exploding red bubble. Do humans explode when they get eaten by sharks?

It's the next day, presumably, and we have to listen to that annoying DJ tell us the weather again as we watch Lindsay walk into Kathy Baker's shop. She asks Kathy where she can find Shane. Kathy says he's out on his boat, but she can take a message. Lindsay says she'll just come back. Then we see her walking up a random staircase and into an apartment. It's Danny's apartment, which he apparently doesn't bother to keep locked or even closed. Not that that gives Lindsay an excuse to not even try to announce her arrival before entering it. Danny is surprised to see his sister, but feigns friendliness anyway. Lindsay explains that their father forbid her from going on SPRING BREAK, so she showed her maturity by sneaking away. She asks Danny not to tell, and he agrees. A character who turns down the chance to tell on a sibling? I'm a long way from 7th Heaven! Lindsay makes fun of some pile of metal scraps hanging out in the corner of the room, and Danny explains that it's part of his graduate work; it generates electric signals that repel sharks. Or it would, if it worked. Lindsay, who has chosen not to pay attention to any of her brother's ramblings about things that are important to him, tells Danny he has been spending too much time on his thesis, and should enjoy himself during SPRING BREAK. Jesus Christ, people, leave Danny alone! He likes doing schoolwork, he's trying to work on his goddamn thesis, leave him be! Danny apologizes to Lindsay for not being home much, but their father is evil, so it's understandable. Lindsay says they can "catch up" on the beach, like, didn't Danny JUST SAY that he has work to do? Danny orders Lindsay not to go swimming because he's been finding tiger sharks in the water and he doesn't know why yet. Danny explains that tiger sharks are the MOST DANGEROUS OF ALL SHARKS! Most lazy too, apparently. Goddammit, sharks! EAT SOMEONE! And not some peripheral character, either! I want to see the blood of main characters, and I want to see it NOW! Lindsay starts to say that Danny is just like their father with all this concern for her well being, to which Drama Danny is all, "I'm nothing like him!" Lindsay apologizes and says that Danny is nothing like their dad, because if he ever managed to get a girlfriend, he wouldn't cheat on her. Talk about your backhanded compliments. Are we supposed to like Lindsay in this movie, or is all this just to make her death at the jaws of sharks all the more awesome for us at the end? Oh please oh please oh please let that be it!

Lindsay and Karen tan on the beach. I bet Lindsay is wearing SPF 145 sunblock. Lindsay looks over at the water just in time to see a blonde woman scream as she gets sucked under it. Lindsay grows more and more concerned as the blonde struggles and screams, but come on. The blonde is in, like, a foot of water and she's surrounded by people. I really doubt that some big-ass shark is eating her and no one except the girl who ditched Habitat for Humanity notices. Sure enough, the blonde surfaces, giggling, we see that JT was responsible for pulling her under the surface. What, are there, like, five people on this beach? Why do we keep seeing the same people all the time? JT walks up to the girls and asks if anyone wants to swim with him. The girls ask JT if he knows where Max is, as Alicia is currently looking for him, but he changes the subject to a party he has tickets for. Karen invites him to their beach house for a pre-party. Lindsay asks JT to bring Max along too, if he finds him. I guess we're supposed to think Lindsay is a good friend to Alicia, even though she's tanning instead of helping her look for Max.

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Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

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Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

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