MONDO EXTRAS

When Sharks Occasionally Attack

by Sara M April 2, 2005
Spring Break Shark Attack

Lindsay enters…some place we've never seen before. But Shane is there, too (PSC: 4). The inside of his closet must look a freaking Braque painting. Anyway, Shane and Lindsay are happy to see each other, and Shane says he works at wherever they are. Shane has to work several jobs because he's poor. Lindsay says she's escaping from an "accidental house party," and asks Shane if he's ever had one of those. Yeah, I'll bet that the Kathy-Shane household has all kinds of stories about crazy parties. Lindsay says she doesn't "get this whole scene," but she finds it to be a fascinating anthropological study. Shut up, Lindsay. You aren't better than anyone. Just as she invites Shane to the beach house, JT appears. Lindsay explains to him that she just ducked out of the party to get a soda, so JT asks Shane to get them two sodas. Shane does this, and tells them they're on the house. Wow, two flat-looking sodas served in crappy plastic cups that are only half-full. Way to put yourself out there, Shane. JT leaves him a tip almost as big as Bryan Brown's payoff, and turns away from them, into the blazing sunlight and in full view of the public, to pour a powder in one of the sodas. As JT continues his nefarious deeds, Lindsay gives Shane a map to the beach house. JT gives Lindsay the soda full o' drugs, and they leave Shane to think about scenes, and how none of them are his.

The sun rapidly descends into the ocean, which is calm and shark-fin-free. Ugh. The party continues, and JT's drug seems to have made Lindsay into a terrible dancer. "I don't feel so good," she slurs to JT. It could be from the repetitive sounds of the C+C Music Factory, but it's probably from JT's roofies. JT asks Lindsay if she wants to lie down. She says she does, and bumps into a partier, spilling the girl's martini (they're getting a lot of mileage out of that martini glass prop) all over her. The girl says "no problem," because I guess she doesn't mind when seemingly drunk girls stain her clothes. I am not like that. Lindsay asks JT to get her some paper towels, because one effect of roofies is that they make you very concerned about staying clean and dry, and JT leaves to get them, thus breaking what is probably the second rule in Date Rapist's Code, right after the one about not drugging your victims in broad daylight in full view of many witnesses: never leave your drugged-out victim unattended. Lindsay staggers around for a while, and on that shark- and suspense-free note, we go to commercial.

There's a bonfire down on the beach. Here comes Lindsay to stagger around it dramatically. She looks more "blind" than she does "high on roofies" but maybe that's how you look when you're on roofies. I wouldn't know. I think. A plaid-covered arm comes up behind Lindsay, and who could that belong to but our dashing, though blue-collar, hero (PSC: 5)? Shannon Lucio's strange acting choices confuse him, and he assumes that Lindsay is drunk. She puts her arms around his neck and slurs about not wanting to wait to have sex anymore, but Shane is gallant and noble and pure, so he won't be taking advantage of her tonight. He picks her up, and some guy off-camera asks if Lindsay is okay, so I guess there's another blue collar hero wandering around this beach, although we won't be seeing any of him. Maybe he'll pop up in the sequel, Summer Break Shark Attack: No Escape, in which Lindsay finally makes it to the Habitat for Humanity thing in Colorado for her summer break, safe in the knowledge that this landlocked state will be shark-free, only to find out that a nuclear power plant accident has created a fleet of angry mutant sharks that can walk on land.

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When Sharks Occasionally Attack

by Sara M April 2, 2005
Spring Break Shark Attack

Lindsay enters…some place we've never seen before. But Shane is there, too (PSC: 4). The inside of his closet must look a freaking Braque painting. Anyway, Shane and Lindsay are happy to see each other, and Shane says he works at wherever they are. Shane has to work several jobs because he's poor. Lindsay says she's escaping from an "accidental house party," and asks Shane if he's ever had one of those. Yeah, I'll bet that the Kathy-Shane household has all kinds of stories about crazy parties. Lindsay says she doesn't "get this whole scene," but she finds it to be a fascinating anthropological study. Shut up, Lindsay. You aren't better than anyone. Just as she invites Shane to the beach house, JT appears. Lindsay explains to him that she just ducked out of the party to get a soda, so JT asks Shane to get them two sodas. Shane does this, and tells them they're on the house. Wow, two flat-looking sodas served in crappy plastic cups that are only half-full. Way to put yourself out there, Shane. JT leaves him a tip almost as big as Bryan Brown's payoff, and turns away from them, into the blazing sunlight and in full view of the public, to pour a powder in one of the sodas. As JT continues his nefarious deeds, Lindsay gives Shane a map to the beach house. JT gives Lindsay the soda full o' drugs, and they leave Shane to think about scenes, and how none of them are his.

The sun rapidly descends into the ocean, which is calm and shark-fin-free. Ugh. The party continues, and JT's drug seems to have made Lindsay into a terrible dancer. "I don't feel so good," she slurs to JT. It could be from the repetitive sounds of the C+C Music Factory, but it's probably from JT's roofies. JT asks Lindsay if she wants to lie down. She says she does, and bumps into a partier, spilling the girl's martini (they're getting a lot of mileage out of that martini glass prop) all over her. The girl says "no problem," because I guess she doesn't mind when seemingly drunk girls stain her clothes. I am not like that. Lindsay asks JT to get her some paper towels, because one effect of roofies is that they make you very concerned about staying clean and dry, and JT leaves to get them, thus breaking what is probably the second rule in Date Rapist's Code, right after the one about not drugging your victims in broad daylight in full view of many witnesses: never leave your drugged-out victim unattended. Lindsay staggers around for a while, and on that shark- and suspense-free note, we go to commercial.

There's a bonfire down on the beach. Here comes Lindsay to stagger around it dramatically. She looks more "blind" than she does "high on roofies" but maybe that's how you look when you're on roofies. I wouldn't know. I think. A plaid-covered arm comes up behind Lindsay, and who could that belong to but our dashing, though blue-collar, hero (PSC: 5)? Shannon Lucio's strange acting choices confuse him, and he assumes that Lindsay is drunk. She puts her arms around his neck and slurs about not wanting to wait to have sex anymore, but Shane is gallant and noble and pure, so he won't be taking advantage of her tonight. He picks her up, and some guy off-camera asks if Lindsay is okay, so I guess there's another blue collar hero wandering around this beach, although we won't be seeing any of him. Maybe he'll pop up in the sequel, Summer Break Shark Attack: No Escape, in which Lindsay finally makes it to the Habitat for Humanity thing in Colorado for her summer break, safe in the knowledge that this landlocked state will be shark-free, only to find out that a nuclear power plant accident has created a fleet of angry mutant sharks that can walk on land.

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Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

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