The Harper's Island Premiere
Bride's Dad asks if that's supposed to threaten him, but he indeed looks a little threatened. Hamlin smugly says no, and besides, we're going to be family soon. Zing-in-law!
I know nobody gives a shit, but Jarty's still playing pool with Hunkfish. She's bad at it, and they have some dumb wager where if she doesn't make a certain shot she has to do whatever he wants, I guess in a sexual way? Ew. She scratches and meekly asks, "double or nothing?" She's dumb. Let's murder her. And him. Or anybody. This was supposed to be a murder show.
This part is barely worth discussing, but there was some violence, finally, thank GOD, so here's what happened: a girl was playing the jukebox, J.D. was looking in her general direction and she got all weird and conceited about it and told him to stop, then some IDIOT AND I MEAN IDIOT! macho guy comes up, all posturing and puffed up, telling J.D. to step off his piece, then there was a hilarious fight that Jarty tried to break up with a pool cue. She failed of course, but her estranged father the sheriff swooped in and finished the job of both breaking up the fight and kicking her ass out of the bar. He also gave her and J.D. an awkward ride back to the chateau, which was awfully nice of him. Not that Jarty wants to give the poor guy a break or anything. Did I mention she has tied her jean jacket around her waist, over her slut dress? I know she's drunk and all, but that is not the look.
Inside, Jarty stares at a fire while Groom apologizes for sending her out looking for J.D. and inadvertently causing her to run into her estranged father. Snooooooooze.
Cut to Goofy Hot and her boyfriend skinny-dipping, and how between the sex and the skinny-dipping these two are not the first to die is completely beyond me. Her boyfriend hesitates with the ring again (which is enormous, by the way. But she's proven to be nothing but a rich a-hole, so maybe he has a reason to worry), but he leaves it in his pants to chase her into the water. She then pretends to have drowned because she's just hilarious, only to use the element of surprise to dunk him and laugh uproariously at her clever ruse. But when he dunks her back she freaks out on him and says he could have killed her (he couldn't have), then runs out and throws his clothes in the water and he loses the ring.