MONDO EXTRAS

What the hell is wrong with her? Are rich people not taught that when you dunk someone they have the right to dunk you back, and sometimes it can be upsetting for either party? That's why dunking is for children only -- it's stupid.

Oh! I didn't even tell you the best part! In the middle of that dumb ass scene was the only actually scary moment all episode. Bitchy Sister and her husband are sleeping when Asshole Daughter shows up by their bed. He mother wakes up and asks her if she had a bad dream. Asshole Daughter silently shakes her head no and whispers, "Did you know people died here?" Bitchy Sister apparently wanted to keep that information from the child, and gets all where did you hear that on her. To which Asshole Daughter slowly smiles in the most terrifying way possible and whispers, "My new friend told me." End scene! Eeps!

Bride and Groom are just finishing up some loud sex that was none of my business and after a debate on whether or not Bride was "too loud" or not that I really could have done without, Bride runs off to the bathroom and Groom sees that her phone is ringing. Hey, she and I have the same phone! Krazer represent! I have a puffy Little Mermaid Sticker on mine though. Anyway the person calling is HJ of course, and Groom gets silently concerned.

And now, for the scene that broke my heart into a trillion pieces. Hamlin is minding his own damn business, walking alone over a little bridge, when the middle of the bridge gives out on him (in Latin, Jehovah begins with an "I") and his glamorous legs and feet dangle beneath him as he hangs there, struggling to pull himself up. Then someone under the bridge cuts him in half and he dies. The end.

Of me and this show.

For the rest of you, Jarty returns to her room to find a scary newsclipping of her mother's murder taped to her bathroom mirror. Cold-blooded Hamlin murdering is one thing, serial killer, but c'mon now -- that's just juvenile.

Leave eulogies for Uncle Marty in the Harper's Island forum, and check out the executive producer's lovely guest blog.