MONDO EXTRAS

Interesting fact: I read something the other day that said Harper's Island is the future of network television, because a miniseries starring a bunch of nobodies is less expensive than a series where you risk the talent getting big heads and asking for more money each season. That's probably wrong, of course, because somebody writes something like that every time any show happens, and the only time they were right was the time Survivor was a hit and everyone said reality television would take off, but for now -- welcome to the future! Human beings are still slaughtering each other, but at least there aren't any killer robots like we were raised to believe! To the yacht party!

It's mixed company at the yacht party. We got WASPy ladies, WASPy gents and some schlubby guys. I don't know about you, but I smell star-crossed love. We're in Seattle, by the way. A little girl runs up the steps of the yacht (no running!) and up to two of the ladies to horrify them with that trick where you put ketchup on your finger and stick it through a box and pretend you're presenting a severed finger as a greeting. It's like a dick in a box for kids. And believe it or not, that's the least annoying thing that little girl will do all episode.

Her mother breaks conversation across the yacht to yell at the little girl (Madison is her name) for grossing people out, and now we're brought into their conversation, where the mother is telling her "little sister" she's blown away that she's getting married. I don't know what she means by that, but that woman raised a real asshole for a daughter, so it was probably meant as a dig.

The schlubby guys have brought their own beer and cooler to the yacht party for some reason. There are three of them, and one of them just starts saying "I brought the cooler, I always bring the cooler, in WHAT UNIVERSE do I not bring the cooler" out of nowhere like, settle down guy -- we're all in agreement that you are Mr. Coolerman. The bride and her decidedly bitchy sister look down at them from the upper level, and the bride says she loves those guys because they love "Henry" as much as she does.

Speak of the devil, the schlubs start pointing and chanting "GROOM! GROOM! GROOM!" as Henry (who is medium schlubby -- disheveled, yes, but wearing a button down shirt and a blazer. He is transitioning! Marriage is a compromise.) walks up to his friends who give him crap about dressing up to impress the "swells" (eye roll), particularly his father-in-law to be, who is quite the classist, as we'll learn later. And in case you're retarded, one of the schlubs makes egregious reference to the "smokin' hot rich girl" he's engaged to.

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