The Southland Premiere

by Angel Cohn April 10, 2009
Spring Pilot Season: Southland

Det. Bryant gets a call from his wife, who wants him to come home and make a baby with her. Stat. She's being played by Emily Bergl, who doesn't look nearly as cute here as she did on Men in Trees. He says that being in love with her isn't as simple as it used to be, she yells about the badge bunnies. He says there is no one else, and she wants to know why they aren't close any more and why they don't have sex. He tells her he's got to leave, to do that thing called a job. She gets annoying and weepy and says that she's keeping the dog... even though she hates it. It is amazing that any work gets done at this place with super-needy detectives' wives around.

Bryant goes out and sees three teenage girls sitting and waiting to talk to him. They witnessed the shooting. One girl insists that she's not going to talk because her mom said not to. Janella is the only one willing to help him, provided she doesn't have to go to court. She's sold once he says he'll give her a code name. That would sway me too, frankly.

John and Mike pull up at an apartment complex where an angry landlord is waiting for them. He swears he didn't turn off the electricity but the place stinks to high heaven. And the guy has dogs, a fact the landlord conveniently forgot. Ben puts out a call to Animal Control for help with the riled-up pooches.

Det. Clarke is sitting in a diner with the mom. She asks him for info, he's got nothing, but he swears he's not going to lie to her. An easy thing to promise when you hardly ever speak. He tries to reassure her, but with his limited vocabulary he has some trouble.

John and Ben bust into the apartment, once animal control wrangles the dogs. Ben finds the tenant sitting in his chair, with his limbs all gnawed up by the animals. He promptly runs outside to puke. Fair reaction. Billy is there now, he wants to know if he can keep one of the dogs, but animal control says that they aren't safe now that they've had the taste for human flesh. Gross, but not as disgusting as Billy's reply that he went "south on his wife about a year ago" and wonders if that means he should be put down. I'll reply with a resounding "yes." His poor wife. They then turn to picking on Ben. According to John, "Tori Spelling threw up all over his brand new patent leather Mary Janes. You guys be nice when you say goodbye today, it could be his last day on the job." Ben does not take well to this razzing, but Chickie, who seems to be the only one actually working, tells him to chill out and not let them get to him.

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