The Unusuals Premiere

by Zach Oat April 9, 2009
Spring Pilot Season: The Unusuals

Shraeger descends the stairs, passing Beaumont who's leading the hot dog perp back up. Beaumont asks if she came from Vice, and tells her about the 2nd Precinct. We get that Alvarez talks about himself in the third person, Banks wears a bullet-proof vest to bed and Delahoy just named his spectacular mustache. Shraeger asks about Walsh, and Beaumont says he won't stare at your breasts, although she'd like him to. Whether it's just breastly pride or the hots, it's too early to tell. Shraeger gets a call from her mother asking if she'll be at her father's birthday that night. While she's on the phone, Shraeger sees Alvarez canoodling with a woman on the stairs and panics. She starts to sneak away, but the woman spots her. When Shraeger plays dumb, the obviously upper-crust-sounding woman says they went to school together, and asks what she's doing there. She can't believe that she's a cop, and can't wait to tell Alvarez she knows her. Shraeger immediately drags her into the nearest bathrooom, where I think she's going to give the woman a good stomping to shut her up but good, but then says the woman can't tell anybody. She even threatens to tell Alvarez that the woman went to the prom with the entire lacrosse team. They 90210 at each other a little -- "Bitch!" Slut!" -- and Shraeger says she's glad they understand each other, and leaves.

In the interrogation room, the professorial burglar of cats, whose name is -- get this -- Harold Snape, says he's done nothing wrong. Banks asks him if he's ever taken a lie detector test, and Professor Snape says no. Perfect. Banks puts Professor's hand on a tabletop photo copier sitting next to him, and asks if his name is Harold Snape. He says "yes," and Banks hits "copy." A picture of Snape's hand comes out with "True" written on it in red marker. Banks asks if he was born in 1975. "Yes." Another "True." They ask him if he has anything to confess. He says "no," and this time the hand has "Lie!" written on it. Now, this is a funny trick (maybe an old one), but this guy is crazy, not stupid (I thought). Does he think this is an actual lie detector, or is he just playing along as the detectives try to tell him that they know he's lying? It's not really clear either way, but this is a funny scene, if a little unbelievable. Delahoy asks if Banks wants a soda, then brings over a cooler that was in the corner of the room. The dead cat is in it, and Delahoy opens it up ad shoves it in Snape's face, talking to him in a high-pitched voice like a cat and asking why he killed him. "I didn't kill you!" screams Snape. His hand is still on the copier, and Banks hits the button. "Lie!" Snape says he was doing nothing wrong, that that was his cat -- except the detectives checked his apartment, and there was no cat food or kitty litter. He says it's his friend's, and he accidentally let it out, and Delahoy starts off quietly, saying that when liars lie, they pick a lie and (he yells this next bit and pounds the table) THEY STICK TO IT! He's got a little Goren going on! Criminal Intent, represent! Banks says he thinks Snape likes how it feels when he snaps their necks. Snape denies it. Banks hits "copy." Lie!

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