MONDO EXTRAS

Strange Frequency

Judd Nelson heads home to his wife and family. They forgot what he looked like again. He had to show them two hours of wedding and baby photos before they believed who he was. Damn hard life of a working man. Anyway, he tells his wife that he quit. He's done with the music business and his cursed career. She tells him that she has a long list of chores for him to do. No, really, she does. He's about to reassimilate into the family nucleus when his phone rings. He, of course, answers it. It's the engineer. The b-m is out of jail and looking for a fight and he can't reach Darcy. Oh lordy. Judd tells the engineer to meet him at Darcy's house. He rushes over there, simultaneously calling her on the phone. When he finally gets a hold of her, he gives her the bad news that b-m is out of jail and that he'll be right there to help her. Aren't the cops supposed to let victims know when their aggressors are getting out of jail? I think that's a law in most states, especially in domestic-violence situations. Am I trying to talk sense and logic here? What am I thinking? Darcy freaks out and grabs her gun from the kitchen. Do I smell a whiff of dramatic foreshadowing? Ah, yes. As Judd Nostrils, oops, Nelson pulls up to Darcy's house, the cops are already there, but, whoa, Darcy is in handcuffs. There must be some mistake, right? Alas, no. Darcy shot the engineer, thinking he was the b-m come a-knockin'.

Judd Nelson is not happy at all. Not even a little. But at least he has a clean slate for his retirement, right? No artists getting screwed over, because all his artists are dead, jailed, or crazy. He hits the bottle like a smart cookie. His daughter wakes him up from his "nap" on the living-room floor and sits down to play a song for him. 'Cause children's piano music is always so cheering, you know? Anyway, the moment she starts playing, he doubles over in pain. No, no, not her! But yes. His gut tells him it is so. His daughter is doomed and destined to be another shooting star. Oh, the irony. It's killing me. Really. Judd Nelson decides the irony is too much for him. He decides to take destiny into his own hands, by taking off his daughter's hands. He asks her to get his ring out of the garbage disposal, and then we are left to imagine the worst. No, really. That's it. That's how this whole fucking long-ass ersatz feature ends. Aren't you glad you read all the way to the end? Aren't you? It's okay; I won't take it personally.

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Strange Frequency So the next two seconds of footage are dedicated to Darcy King's rise to fame. Darcy King was the feedback chick, and let's just say that her voice is certainly, um, gut-wrenching. As in "vomit-inducing." Really, if they were going to make a movie about a some up-and-coming rock-and-roll star, you'd think they would make sure that the girl could, you know, sing a fucking note without her voice cracking. I mean, New York or LA or where ever this atrocity was filmed has to be positively teeming with girls who can sing better than this chick, and who look just as good. Hell, I can sing as well as this chick, and I am certainly not an up-and-coming rock star. Well, not that I know of, anyway. So, back in la-la land, since Darcy King's first album went platinum or whatever precious metal the RIAA allocates to albums which sell a lot, she's back in the studio, attempting to record another album. But things aren't going so well. The engineer's unhappy, her boyfriend-manager is really unhappy, and Judd Nelson is unhappy. But he won't let his feelings show to his client, instead turning to her in full Breakfast Club mode and saying, princess, you look beautiful. She slaps him upside the head with a copy of The Beauty Myth and marches out of the studio. Judd Nelson decides to talk to her domineering boyfriend-manager (heretofore known as the b-m) about the problem. The b-m suggests group hugs and joining a bell hooks reading group. Okay, actually, the b-m wants the engineer off the album, and Judd Nelson tries to explain to the slack-jawed troglodytic jock that not only is the engineer a personal friend and ex-client of his, but walking out will render her contract null and void. Well, he was trying to explain that, but his cell phone rang half way through, so he just shook his head and answered the call. And normally I would rant about the stupidity and rudeness of people who answer calls in the middle of conversations, but it turns out it's his boss, so never mind. His boss wants to see him now. Judd Nelson finishes the conversation with the b-m by pointing out that they both know the importance of finishing the album on time. The b-m agrees and then attempts to charge into the studio, but the door is locked, so he hollers and shouts and makes an ass of himself. Yawn. Over at the label, Judd Nelson's boss sits in a glass and metal office, trying to give Judd Nelson a stomachache by popping in various demos. He finally knocks Judd Nelson out of his seat with some "female Smashing Pumpkins" and then tells him that one of his other artists died in a car accident. Um, yeah, good lead-in.

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