MONDO EXTRAS

Strange Frequency

Judd Nelson heads home to his wife and family. They forgot what he looked like again. He had to show them two hours of wedding and baby photos before they believed who he was. Damn hard life of a working man. Anyway, he tells his wife that he quit. He's done with the music business and his cursed career. She tells him that she has a long list of chores for him to do. No, really, she does. He's about to reassimilate into the family nucleus when his phone rings. He, of course, answers it. It's the engineer. The b-m is out of jail and looking for a fight and he can't reach Darcy. Oh lordy. Judd tells the engineer to meet him at Darcy's house. He rushes over there, simultaneously calling her on the phone. When he finally gets a hold of her, he gives her the bad news that b-m is out of jail and that he'll be right there to help her. Aren't the cops supposed to let victims know when their aggressors are getting out of jail? I think that's a law in most states, especially in domestic-violence situations. Am I trying to talk sense and logic here? What am I thinking? Darcy freaks out and grabs her gun from the kitchen. Do I smell a whiff of dramatic foreshadowing? Ah, yes. As Judd Nostrils, oops, Nelson pulls up to Darcy's house, the cops are already there, but, whoa, Darcy is in handcuffs. There must be some mistake, right? Alas, no. Darcy shot the engineer, thinking he was the b-m come a-knockin'.

Judd Nelson is not happy at all. Not even a little. But at least he has a clean slate for his retirement, right? No artists getting screwed over, because all his artists are dead, jailed, or crazy. He hits the bottle like a smart cookie. His daughter wakes him up from his "nap" on the living-room floor and sits down to play a song for him. 'Cause children's piano music is always so cheering, you know? Anyway, the moment she starts playing, he doubles over in pain. No, no, not her! But yes. His gut tells him it is so. His daughter is doomed and destined to be another shooting star. Oh, the irony. It's killing me. Really. Judd Nelson decides the irony is too much for him. He decides to take destiny into his own hands, by taking off his daughter's hands. He asks her to get his ring out of the garbage disposal, and then we are left to imagine the worst. No, really. That's it. That's how this whole fucking long-ass ersatz feature ends. Aren't you glad you read all the way to the end? Aren't you? It's okay; I won't take it personally.

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Strange Frequency Judd Nelson is not happy at all. Not even a little. But at least he has a clean slate for his retirement, right? No artists getting screwed over, because all his artists are dead, jailed, or crazy. He hits the bottle like a smart cookie. His daughter wakes him up from his "nap" on the living-room floor and sits down to play a song for him. 'Cause children's piano music is always so cheering, you know? Anyway, the moment she starts playing, he doubles over in pain. No, no, not her! But yes. His gut tells him it is so. His daughter is doomed and destined to be another shooting star. Oh, the irony. It's killing me. Really. Judd Nelson decides the irony is too much for him. He decides to take destiny into his own hands, by taking off his daughter's hands. He asks her to get his ring out of the garbage disposal, and then we are left to imagine the worst. No, really. That's it. That's how this whole fucking long-ass ersatz feature ends. Aren't you glad you read all the way to the end? Aren't you? It's okay; I won't take it personally.

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