The Philanthropist Premiere
Then we pull in through the Earth, to see Teddy in bed with some naked trick, sleeping off a night of "Bacchanalia," which he helpfully explains is a night of "too much of everything." I'd get pissy about that, but Bacchanalia is not really a word people use after college, so I can see why they felt the need to explain it. Anyway, someone's banging on his door, so he groggily gets up -- and plants his feet into the calf-deep well of water the floor of his hotel room has become. You see, there has been a terrible storm and the whole town's flooded, everyone's drowning, and the hotel has to be evacuated. Okay, Teddy says to the hotel staff trying to save his miserable life, "But there better be coffee." Ass.
Out in the chaos of the evacuation, Teddy's on a super cell phone with his assistant or something, saying he wants "out of this hell hole, like, yesterday." The guy on the other end says he'll contact a lot of fancy people like "the ambassador" and air traffic control to pull some strings to get him out during the storm, because he's rich and they're allowed.
Then Teddy turns to see a young boy huddled in the corner, terrified, with no one helping him. We never get an explanation as to why a 10-year-old boy would be staying or working or hanging out at a fancy hotel without an adult, but you know, kids. They're notorious for not being able to resist a five-star hotel. Anyway, Teddy grabs him and insists the boy take his spot on a rescue boat, which is awfully nice of him. Until some jackass panics and jumps on the already full boat, turning it over and ruining everything.
After all the adults surface, Teddy can't see the boy, so he jumps in after him and saves him, while assuring us in VO that he is "so not the heroic type." While the two of them are chilling in the water waiting to be pulled back up to land, he asks the traumatized kid where he lives, and promises to get him there. Then they're separated and we're back at the bar.
Where he's cheesy cheesily smarming to the bartender, "I saved the kid, but, in a way -- he saved me." Then I barfed! Then Teddy writes her a check for $1,000 to keep listening to his bullshit. She rolls her eyes and accepts, still not buying it, as he explains that Nigeria was too gross after the flood, so he went back to Manhattan on his private, fuel-efficient jet to work at his job as co-CEO of Maidstone-Rist Incorporated, where he buys and sells natural resources from nine to five.